Tag Archives: fear

Like a Good Neighbor

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Last night I had the biggest scare of my life! While preparing dinner I realized that I must have left a bag of groceries in the car.  My macaroni was boiling on the stove so I ran out to the car to get the bag that contained the Velveeta.

Che was in the middle of the livingroom playing with toys.  Nicholas was at basketball practice.  I pulled the door up so the cold air wouldn’t get in.  Can you believe that the door was completely closed when I returned!  The baby must have closed the  locked door! I stood paralyzed with fear for a few seconds before I thought to check the windows.  I walked around the house with no luck.  Every window was shut tight.

I had the garage  opener in the car but that was useless considering that the door leading into the house was locked as well.  I was out in the cold with no cell phone and no way to get back inside.  I considered breaking a window but there was not a brick or stick in sight.

I surveyed my neighbors trying to decide who I could approach for help.  Since moving in, only one of them extended welcome.  I settled on the neighbors across the street but no one answered.  Then a car pulled into the driveway two doors from ours. 

I timidly asked to use the phone and explained my situation.  I felt embarrassed at my irresponsibility.  I was also unsure if they would help considering it can be unsafe to assist anyone now days.  I was planning on calling the fire department.  A locksmith would have taken far too long. I didn’t know what else to do.

They immediately moved to action.  “We’ll help you get to your baby.” Nancy said.  She ordered her two teen daughters and her husband to head to my house while she slipped on her house shoes.  She was clad in a bathrobe.

A few seconds later she had her daughters check the windows.  We could her Che inside whimpering.  John delivered a commando style kick to the door and we were in!Instantly I ran to my cub who was very curious about the neighbors.

They stayed for a few minutes playing with baby.  After the family left I called my cousin who promptly came over to repair the splintered frame.  The damage was actually minimal. 

“OMGeeeee!” as one of my student is so fond of saying!  I felt a mixture of emotions: overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers, upset with myself for failing to unlock the door, and  immense relief that Che was okay!

Today I plan to leave a token of my appreciation on their door.

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Creepy

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This morning as we were exiting the house, I noticed a car rounding our small cul-de-sac.  When I pulled out of the driveway I saw that it was parked in front of my neighbor’s house on the corner.   The driver, a young black man, was using a cell phone.  I made eye contact with the stranger and noted the gleam of his gold teeth in the moonlight  as I passed by.

I thought it was strange being that it was pretty early in the morning for a random stranger to be parked on our little street.  I reached for my cell phone so that I could call my neighbor and realized that I left it on the nightstand.  Thus I reversed back and retrieved my phone and set the alarm.  I considered calling the police but decided against it.  After all, streets are public domains and being creepy is not necessarily a punishable crime.  The stranger was still parked out front and stared at me as I slowly passed him again.  I tried to get the license plate number, but it was too dark.  I think the car was a Chevy Lumina.

Maybe I am just paranoid.  He could have been lost and was calling someone to get directions.  I don’t know his reason for being there, but I do know it left me with an ominous feeling.

Peninsula

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Wetness all around me/True/But I’m no island/Peninsula maybe/Makes no sense/I know/Crazy ~Andre 3000

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of  the continent ~John Donne

For none of us lives to himself… ~Romans 14:7

As strange as it may sound, I pretty much live a life of seclusion.  In fact, one of my most outspoken students refers to me as “a secret.”  It probably doesn’t seem this way considering that I have a blog and post about many private matters. 

But I ‘ve been like this as long as I can remember.  If I really reflect on this side of myself, I know that it is rooted in rejection, fear, longing, and loss.

In some respects I enjoy my sheltered existence.  It limits me from dealing with fickle, crazy, cruel people.  My “island like” behavior serves to protect me from these things.  I was comfortable and safe with the world I had–my husband and my kids.  I could have lived this way forever.

On the other hand, it prevents me from enjoying the fullness of life.  When you are afraid to love or live for the fear of getting hurt or rejected, how can you seize the day? I’m gradually learning that it is okay toallow people into my realm.  It really does make the tempests of life more bearable. 

Life is lonely for me right now.  It’s only when things go wrong that you realize this.  You crave human contact and relationships.  What you once perceived as paradise can turn into a deserted dwelling.  And I don’t believe that God intended for us to live to ourselves.

Change is hard.  I am not quite ready to abandon my island living.  Maybe I am a parrothead at heart!  However, I know that I can’t exist solely to myself.  It’s just not healthy.  So I’m upgrading to a beachfront peninsula!  It’s a small step in the right direction.  I will be connected to others, yet I can retreat unto myself when desired. 

In my own way I am reaching back to those who are stretching themselves to be apart of my life.

Analyze This

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Last night I had a weird dream.  I dreamed that Eliza’s crazy brother rescued me from a guy who was going to rape me!  He cautioned me to be more careful in the future.  Next he took me to his house and put me in his bed and suggested that I get some sleep.  When I awakened, he was snuggled on the couch with a woman that I didn’t recognize.  Then I woke up!

I didn’t understand the basis for this dream.  As much as he has terrorized me here lately, why would he be the one saving me?  Why in Hades am I dreaming about that creep?  Maybe I am under so much stress that I have finally lost my mind.  Or perhaps I am just putting too much thought into this dream/nightmare.

Scary Movie

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I like scary movies, although I am very easily spooked.  I am the type of person, who after watching a scary movie, will jump at my own shadow.  It really doesn’t take a lot to chill me as long as it’s not too cheesy (Saw).  If so, I will examine and highlight its corniness to death.

I am afraid of Jason, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, and the thing on the Jeepers Creepers movie.  These are monsters that creep me out!

The Shining really leaves me shaking–it is too real!  I can see this movie being more than fiction as truth is stranger than fiction!  Jack Nicholson is a true thespian.  He is Johnny!!!  This is the number one scary movie in my opinion.

Speaking of Nics’, once when Nicholas was about five-years-old my aunt kept him for a few hours.  Upon arriving to pick him I was dismayed to see that he and his cousins were sprawled around the tv watching Darkness Falls.  I was sure that he would have nightmares as a result of this.  I had saw the movie a couple of weeks prior and of course, was scared to the bone!  How could my five-year-old not be?  However, Nicholas was not at all frightened.  Instead he analyzed the entire movie so much that it sounded more like a comedy film instead of horror once he had finished dissecting it.

Some other scary movies that gave me nightmares include:

Haute Tension-This had me sweating!

Helter Skelter-I know this is not truly considered a scary movie, but to me it was the ultimate horror film.

Poltergist-“Come into the Light, Carol Ann!”

Stay Alive-Small wonder I am not a big fan video games.

The Devil’s Rejects-This movie was so disturbingly scary!

Texas Chainsaw Massacre-Left me feeling so yucky, mutilated, and violated! 

28 Days Later-Just the barren, eerie cinematography alone was enough for moi!

The Exocerist-Twisting heads, scary faces, bile, and curse words–need I say more?

The Ring-It was enough to keep me away from the tv for weeks.

The Devil’s Advocate-Al Pacino really had me convinced that he was Old Scratch he was so “devilishly handsome!”

Suspiria-One of my students who was into old 70’s horror flicks thought I might like it due to it being set in a ballet school.  I would not want to be trained at that studio!

Wrong Turn-Those things were soooo ugly–and crazy!

When a Stranger Calls-I was thankful that we did not have an upstairs after watching this one!

I’m sure that there are many more that I could add to the list.  But these are the first that popped in my head.  Tell me, what scary movie gets your heart racing? Take this here quiz to see if you could survive a scary movie!  No surprises here because I was labeled a “scaredy cat” and died in the first thirty minutes of the movie!