Tag Archives: life

The Missing Piece

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For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Life is like a puzzle I like to tell myself. When you are putting it together, it often looks like it will never amount to anything, especially so when it  large or provides few clues on piecing it together.

Case in point: I had a photo turned into a puzzle, and because I was being cheap, I did not order the tin that would have displayed the picture on the outside. So when putting it together, I grew frustrated because I had nothing to reference and could not find the original picture snapped on a  Hawaiian beach.

The backdrop was simply sand, sky, and sea–which made it very hard to decipher one piece from another.  I quickly decided that the company  must have gotten the puzzle all wrong, it truly did not APPEAR that it could form a legitimate image.  I finally  located the picture on my computer and worked from there. Slowly I made progress.

It wasn’t until I was virtually finished with it a few days later that I knew a picture existed. I was so excited to have the puzzle done except for one piece that I could not find. Strangely, I did not panic. I was sure it would turn up somewhere. And it did in the strangest of places.  The missing piece was on the bathroom floor!

I recalled this experience today and decided to keep a puzzle piece in my purse as a reminder.  The piece serves to remind me that everything happens as it should, and once every piece is all in place, the picture will be complete. And make sense.

Moral of my story: Have faith!

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The Day

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*Today is the third anniversary of my husband’s death.

It started off normal enough, however, I did not foresee the tragedy that was heading my way… 

I decided to turn in early because I had planned to surprise my husband by going to look for a new car with him the following morning.  He was barely speaking to me because I disagreed that he needed one.

I was asleep by the time he got off of work, but he made sure to come to our bedroom and ask if Jazmine was awake. He was especially fond of my niece and spent most of his hours at home with her undertow. I replied she was not and dozed back off.

Less than an hour later, he came back in the bedroom and turned on the light. In obvious distress, he told me he did not feel well.  Still drowsy, I halfheartedly asked what was wrong.  He responded that he was having chest pains.  About a year earlier, he asked me to stop making spicy foods because his “heartburn” was getting worse. Therefore I attributed his discomfort to that and asked him if he tried taking an antacid.  He said he had but he would try taking some more.  When I heard him fumbling around in the medicine cabinet, I grew alarmed.

He came back into the bedroom and I noticed he was sweating profusely and breathing heavily.  I asked him if he was having pain in his left arm as well.  He said he was and I thought came to me that he might be having a heart attack. However, it still didn’t register as being a real possibility considering he was only 30 years old. 

I decided to call for an ambulance and while I was on the phone with the operator, he was stretching.  She instructed me to have him to sit down but he said he could not because he was so uncomfortable.  I got off the phone and proceeded to help him to the livingroom to wait for the paramedics to arrive.

Midway there he stumbled and I caught him as best I could.  We finally made it to the sofa and not a second later, he jumped up abruptly and started stumbling about.  He was headed toward the door because he could not breathe and wanted to go outside for air.  He collapsed in the doorway as the ambulance pulled up front.

Ethan heard the noise as well as my panicked voice and came into the livingroom.  I told him to go lay back down because I did not want him to see his father in such a condition. He did.

The paramedics were able to get him conscious by sticking something down his throat that made him vomit.  This was followed by a series of questions that he was able to answer although his speech was slurred and weak. 

During this time they tried to keep me out of the livingroom, but I refused. I was informed by the head paramedic that my husband was “very, very, very, very, very, very, very sick” and that something was definitely going on in the heart region and they needed to take him in right away.  In Indiana, those who are not be transported are not allowed to ride in the ambulance, so I told the paramedic that I would be right behind them. 

His last words to me were “make sure you come” as he squeezed my hand.  I replied “of course!”

Nic was spending the night with a friend and Evan was still in residential treatment. I am ashamed to say that I left Jazmin and Ethan alone at home as I quickly threw something on over my pajamas and sped to the hospital.

I was not allowed in the room, but I walked past several times and say a hoard of medical professionals working on him. I sat in the waiting room for a few hours placing calls to friends and family. Two nurses came and introduced themselves and checked on me periodically.

After a while, the doctor, flanked by a nurse came out to talk to me.  He introduced himself and asked me what happened. I started giving him a recap and as I was talking, there was something about the way that he was listening so intently that made me stop and ask him “Is my husband still alive?” When he replied no, I immediately started screaming and fell to the floor. I never expected to hear that. My mother had died exactly nine months prior for goodness sakes!

The two angels disguised as nurses came to my side praying and holding me. Shortly people started to arrive, his two close childhood friends, a cousin, my bil and his wife, my aunts (all three with spouses), my sister, and cousins. My mil and other sil were in Detroit but I had already called them with the news.

We tried to get a hold of his sister that lived in town to no avail( I was later blamed by her that she did not get to make it to his bedside).  I even held his body for hours in hopes that she would make it to the hospital. I finally got back home around 6am and passed out from sheer exhaustion, disbelief, and distress.

And it was only the beginning of a tumultuous journey and I would need all my energy and sense of equilibrium to help me get through the terror of it all…

Back In The Saddle

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Hello, I hope all is well with my dear friends! I know it has been awhile but I have been extremely busy. I am back in school working on obtaining my administrator’s license along with a graduate writing certificate. On top of that, I am in the process of potty training, working fulltime, and looking for high schools for Nic who will be a freshman next year! I am also preparing for a writing conference that I was asked to speak at in October.

Work has been messy to put things nicely. Four of our schools have been taken over by the state.  As a result of this, our Super, has decided that all secondary education teachers will receive pink slips on May 31st so that the employees who lost their jobs will have an opportunity for a position.

I am trying to keep a positive attitude, count my blessings, and just know that better days are ahead.  I am going to Miami for a few days during our intercession (two-week Fall break) now that we have moved to the year-around calendar.  That will give me an opportunity for some much needed mental and physical r&r.

Thank you all for continuing to stop by.  It is much appreciated.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

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*Today’s post inspired by this post.

How many of you would describe yourself as “happy”?  Is happiness even possible in this lifetime? 

Happiness is transitory.  I can be happy one minute and deeply saddened the next.  I want to have joy which feels more lasting  and less fleeting than happiness.  Perhaps that’s why James says:

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James 1:2-5

When you have joy, you can still experience peace and contentment in the midst of problems.  Happiness is a fickle teenager while Joy is a seasoned senior citizen

What are your thoughts about happiness?

Color Me ___________________

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If you had to describe the current state of your life with a color, what would it be? Why? I would say my life is:

BEIGE

Things are pretty blah.  Overall, I don’t have too much new or interesting going on.  Being beige is not necessary bad.  However, I must say  I’m looking forward to having vibrant color in my life. 

Sweet 16X2= 32 Candles

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In honor of my 32nd birthday, I have compiled a list of 32 things in which I am grateful for or adore (in no particular order):

1.  My “Sun”-I have been truly blessed to have the child I do.  He is a dream.  I just hope and pray that I am able to guide him into manhood.

2.  Good Friends-I don’t have many friends, which is okay, but the handful I do have help me get through life. 

3.  Good Food-I have been fascinated with food since I was a kid.  I love food.  Food is so comforting.  It can build bridges.

4.  Work-I often gripe about my job,however, it does allow me to take care of business.

5.  Health Insurance-So many people go without this nessesity that it makes me appreciate mine despite my co-pays. 

6.  Transportation-It’s great to be able to hop in and get from point A to B at anygiven moment.

7.  Family-A small motley crew, but still a wonderful thing to have.

8.  Home-It’s mine and it’s sweet

9.  Sleep-A luxury I lavish

10.  Books-A girl’s best friend.

11.  Memories-A way to remember those who have vaporized

12.  Music-A sure comfort in times of trouble and triumph

13.  Laughter-To prevent from crying and just to have a plain ole good time!

14.  Dancing-I love the arts, plus I love to dance especially when I am home alone

15.  Students-Priceless souls who look up to you and love you in all your imperfections

16.  Conveniences-We take so many simple things for granted, i.e. grocery stores, laundry appliances, potato peelers, lol

17.  A Sound Mind-This is so underrated!

18.  Freedom-Another thing we take for granted that I am glad to have.  In the words of Prince Be glad you are free/Free to change yo’ mind/Free to do most anything anytime

19.  Cell Phones-November 12th, 2009 marked my 3rd year of having a cell phone.  I used to view it as a gps device and found it unimportant to have one as I was either at work or at home with phone lines.  However, it would be a jagged little pill to swallow without one.  What would my life be without texting?

20.  Pens-Cause I love to write!

21.  Mascara-Nothing makes a girl feel prettier and it gives you an instant shot of glam!

22.  The Lottery-A girl can dream, can’t she?

23.  Lip Gloss-It’s bling for your lips

24.  Cupcakes-So cute and dainty–kinda like me!

25.  Clearance and Target-Sometimes the finds are unbelievable!

26.  Our Secretary-This woman has seriously “got my back.”  It’s like having a mother at work!

27.  Mail-Letters, cards, unexpected checks–no bills!

28.  Photographs-I love capturing candid shots the best.

29.  Poetry-My release

30.  Purses-I bought 3 justlast night!

31.  Tea-So soothing

32.  The Bible-It’s not called the “good book” for nothing!

 

Deja Vu

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Tuesday morning, right in front of my classroom, a student went into cardiac arrest.  My room is in a pretty isolated part of the building.  Luckily I was in the hall when he fell.  I ran to get the nurse.  The nurse and school police officer performed CPR on him until the paramedics arrived.  I am trained in CPR and was next in line if either of them tired.

It was a very intense, scary scene for well over 30 minutes.  He had to be shocked twice as well as receive other life-saving procedures.  It was deja vu in a sense.  I could not stop crying as I watched the paramedics work so hard to save his 19-year-old life.  The school police officer was also equally shook up having lost his own 17-year-old son a few months prior.

He was finally rescuitated and transported to the hospital.  Wednesday he had open heart surgery to repair faulty valves.  If necessary, they may install a pacemaker.

I wondered why I had to bear witness to this trauma.  It brought back so many painful memories.  This was also the day I ran into my SIL’s husband.  And of course, before I went to sleep that night, I saw a commerical on television and the man’s name was the same as my husband’s.

Yesterday on the way home for school Nicholas was telling me that their principal asked them to pray for one of the 8th grader’s brother who had a heart attack at school.  I didn’t go into details but I told him that I was aware of what happened because it happened right in front of me.  He seemed very surprised–and actually I was, too. What a small world we live in.

Neither one of us mentioned my husband, but I’m sure he was thinking about him as I was.

But it also made me appreciate first responders even more.  They are so efficient, composed, and determined to save lives.  I saw this firsthand with my husband as well as with the young man.  I really have a lot of respect and admiration for what they do.  They are as important, if not more so, than doctors.

Our principal announced that this story will be covered by the news.  However, I don’t want to be in the limelight and will make sure I am unavailable when they do come. 

Some say that there is a message in everything, but I have no idea of what it could be in this case.