Category Archives: Uncategorized

Restless

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Y’all I feel restless. I have so many dreams and desires for my life. But I don’t know how to obtain them. I have more than a few obstacles in my path that are prohibting me from having the life I want. Money is the number one enemy, or lack thereof I guess I should say. I have an idea of how I want my life to go but I need to take action ASAP. So, I am going to attempt to devise a definitive two year plan to get me to where I want to go.

Here are three things I would like to accomplish:

  1. I would like to buy a new house that includes more of the amenities that I want such as a fireplace, a large walk in closet, an office/library, a picture window, 2.5 car garage, cathedral ceilings, a loft, and a large, modern kitchen to name a few.
  2. I want to travel more. I would like to be able to take my kids on a few vacations a year, plus some solo travel for me.
  3. I’m so burned out at work. I need a new space-one that will not be so anxiety inducing, dsyfunctional, and full of crazymaking. Since I can’t undo my degree, I have to find a new place of employment.
  4. I want to open the business that God put on my heart. I do not have the means to do so at the moment, but it is definitely a dream in my heart.

Here are four things I’m currently doing to make these things happen:

  1. I’m working on playing off hospital bills and credit cards.
  2. I have been saving all of my dollar bills and loose change. My youngest son wants to go to London next year for his 10th birthday and those savings will help fund that trip. Also, I’m impatiently waiting  to read Eat, Pray, Love. I requested it from my local library branch. I’m hoping that will give me some type of inspiration.
  3. I have been halfheartedly looking for a new job. But the pickings are slim in my field. Honestly I am hoping God will drop something in my lap. I am on LinkedIn but I haven’t seen anything I am interested in on there.
  4. I have created something of a side hustle. I started a t-shirt company called Sistees. My sister wanted in on it-hence the name. However, I have to figure out a marketing strategy because I haven’t sold any. I did give away four in hopes that they could advertise the first design for me. I read Contagious by Jonah Berger to get some ideas. Somewhat of a second side hustle is the book we wrote. We being my youngest son and I. You can check it out here.

What do you do when you are restless? What dreams and goals do you have for your life that you still have not fulfilled? Tell me in the comments below!

 

In My DNA

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Hello all! I know it’s been a long, long while since I stopped by to chat on Morocco’s Bazaar. But I’m back!

One of my goals for the year was to have my genealogy traced. I was forunate enough to receive a kit for my birthday and the results came back last night.

It was somewhat emotional for me. Half of my DNA has been a mystery to me. This has, at least, unveiled a bit of it. I was even matched with a first cousin and that surprised me. I was only expecting to learn about my ancestral make up. But I have already had two cousins message me since last night!

 

DNA

As you ca see, I am primarily from the “hinge” of Africa which is known as Cameroon. According to The Fact File, it is the most “urbane” and “ethnically diverse nation” in West Africa. I read a few facts about the country and learned that French and English are the two offcial languages. Perhaps this explains my desire to become fluent in French. Also, Cameroon borders Chad, which is also the name of my oldest son.

Cameroon

I am looking forward to learning more about my roots as well as connecting with new relatives!

38 to Date

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In honor of my 38th birthday, I want to share 38 things I am thankful for:

1. Jesus’ sacrifice: Glory, glory! 

2. My two precious boys: 17 and 5-my first, my last, my everything!

3. Loving students: They alone make my job worth the stress. 

4. Kindness: I have received a lot of kindness over the last few months that it has encouraged me to pay it all forward. 

5. The gift of another year: Hallelujah! 

6. Good friends: Shanna, Karen, Champale, Manita, and Hasina

7. Good food 😋: I love to eat and cook. I have a whole list of new restaurants that I plan to explore over the year. 

8. All of the birthday wishes and gifts I received today. Some were so unexpected but well received. 

9. A good cup of coffee: I had the most delicious coffee to date in the Dominican Republic and I’ve been on a quest since then to find another. 

10. Heat: What more can I say? Baby, it’s cold outside! 

11. Books: I love to read and I must say that books make me feel alive. 

12. Dear family: I do t have a lot nor am I close to them all, but despite it all, I am thankful to share blood ties with such a motley crew of people. 

13. A career: I am a rose who grew from concrete. I was determined to succeed and by His grace, I did. 

14. Health insurance: It saddens me that not everyone has this basic necessity. If you’ve ever been ill, you know just how vital it is. 

15. Technology: It allows me to stay connected to the ones I love whether near or far. 

16. Forgiveness: Thankful to God for extending it to me with condition. Also thankful for those who have forgiven my wrongs. 

17. Student loan deferments: LOL

18. Mercy: Thank you Lord. 

19.  Socks: I have a hard time walking in surfaces without them. It creeps me out, lol. 

20. Clean drinking water: In light of the water tragedy in Flint, it makes me thankfu for this “small” thing that we take for granted. 

21. Grocery stores: The convenience and array of goods is simply amazing. 

22. The sky: I have been fascinated with the sky for a while 

23. The color pink: It makes me feel so feminine

24. Safe transportation: My grandmother nor my mother knew how to drive. Thus is astounding to me considering the myriad of places I go on a weekly basis. Even though I hate pumping gas and taking the time to have the oil changed-I’m so thankful that when I need to go somewhere, I can simply get up and go. 

25. Coconut milk: This drink has been giving me all the B12 I need to have energy. 

26. Smiles: A simple does wonders for the soul. 

27. Hugs: Love them. 

28. Worship music: A good song puts me right in the Upper Room with the Lord. 

29. Winters that eventually turn into spring

30. Vision: I wear contacts so I know how it feels to have less than 20/20 vision. But I’m so thankful for the ability to see the beauty all around me. 

31. Making a difference: My job is often thankless drudgery. But just knowing that I may possibly make a difference gets me going. 

32. Ice skating: I’ve had such fun taking and teaching my boys how to skate. 

33. Flowers: I love blooms of all kind, especially tulips. They make me feel girly and loved.  

34. Chloe-My precious pooch is the girl child I’ve never had. She came in my life at a very barren, bleak time. Love that dog! 

35. Lessons: I’ve had some tough ones, no doubt. But without them, I would not have the deep sense of gratitude that I have for some things. 

36. Oceans: The ocean is such a magnificent sight to behold. I feel so in awe and in touch with God when I get the chance to partake in its beauty. 

37. Laughter: Tis is a beautiful thing. It is truly a healing balm. 

38. A good heart: Thankfully God judges our heart. I am not perfect, but my heart is good and strives to do the right thing. 

   
    
    
    
   

Love It!

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I’m so proud, James is a former student of mine! I had him senior year and he was a nice, polite, funny kid. What makes his story even more awesome is that he had never played football prior to joining our squad his 12th grade year! Way to go! You may read the rest of his story here.

*Image via Google

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Carolin’

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All I Want for Christmas Is You

Image via Wikipedia

With Christmas fast approaching, I’ve been wanting to hear some of my favorite carols. They include:

1. The Little Drummer Boy-I really love this one for its message! The little drummer boy had nothing extravagant to bring to the baby Messiah other than his drumming talent. Beautiful.

2. Silent Night (Temptations version)-Love this one, especially the falsetto part. This was also a favorite of my grandmother’s.

3. All I Want For Christmas Is You (Mariah Carey)-I love this song! It’s so catchy.

4. The Greatest Time of Year (Ally and AJ)-Cute, fun, and festive!

5. Let It Snow (Boys II Men)-I love this rendition as well. It sounds so pretty.

6. The Christmas Song (Nat King Cole)Just classic

7. This Christmas (Donny Hathaway)-So intimate and soulful

8. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (Brenda Lee)-Fun and festive

9. What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas Time? (The Emotions)-Sentimental yet realistic

10.) White Christmas (Bing Crosby)-Because white Christmas’ are the best ones!

What do you want to hear?

The Day

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*Today is the third anniversary of my husband’s death.

It started off normal enough, however, I did not foresee the tragedy that was heading my way… 

I decided to turn in early because I had planned to surprise my husband by going to look for a new car with him the following morning.  He was barely speaking to me because I disagreed that he needed one.

I was asleep by the time he got off of work, but he made sure to come to our bedroom and ask if Jazmine was awake. He was especially fond of my niece and spent most of his hours at home with her undertow. I replied she was not and dozed back off.

Less than an hour later, he came back in the bedroom and turned on the light. In obvious distress, he told me he did not feel well.  Still drowsy, I halfheartedly asked what was wrong.  He responded that he was having chest pains.  About a year earlier, he asked me to stop making spicy foods because his “heartburn” was getting worse. Therefore I attributed his discomfort to that and asked him if he tried taking an antacid.  He said he had but he would try taking some more.  When I heard him fumbling around in the medicine cabinet, I grew alarmed.

He came back into the bedroom and I noticed he was sweating profusely and breathing heavily.  I asked him if he was having pain in his left arm as well.  He said he was and I thought came to me that he might be having a heart attack. However, it still didn’t register as being a real possibility considering he was only 30 years old. 

I decided to call for an ambulance and while I was on the phone with the operator, he was stretching.  She instructed me to have him to sit down but he said he could not because he was so uncomfortable.  I got off the phone and proceeded to help him to the livingroom to wait for the paramedics to arrive.

Midway there he stumbled and I caught him as best I could.  We finally made it to the sofa and not a second later, he jumped up abruptly and started stumbling about.  He was headed toward the door because he could not breathe and wanted to go outside for air.  He collapsed in the doorway as the ambulance pulled up front.

Ethan heard the noise as well as my panicked voice and came into the livingroom.  I told him to go lay back down because I did not want him to see his father in such a condition. He did.

The paramedics were able to get him conscious by sticking something down his throat that made him vomit.  This was followed by a series of questions that he was able to answer although his speech was slurred and weak. 

During this time they tried to keep me out of the livingroom, but I refused. I was informed by the head paramedic that my husband was “very, very, very, very, very, very, very sick” and that something was definitely going on in the heart region and they needed to take him in right away.  In Indiana, those who are not be transported are not allowed to ride in the ambulance, so I told the paramedic that I would be right behind them. 

His last words to me were “make sure you come” as he squeezed my hand.  I replied “of course!”

Nic was spending the night with a friend and Evan was still in residential treatment. I am ashamed to say that I left Jazmin and Ethan alone at home as I quickly threw something on over my pajamas and sped to the hospital.

I was not allowed in the room, but I walked past several times and say a hoard of medical professionals working on him. I sat in the waiting room for a few hours placing calls to friends and family. Two nurses came and introduced themselves and checked on me periodically.

After a while, the doctor, flanked by a nurse came out to talk to me.  He introduced himself and asked me what happened. I started giving him a recap and as I was talking, there was something about the way that he was listening so intently that made me stop and ask him “Is my husband still alive?” When he replied no, I immediately started screaming and fell to the floor. I never expected to hear that. My mother had died exactly nine months prior for goodness sakes!

The two angels disguised as nurses came to my side praying and holding me. Shortly people started to arrive, his two close childhood friends, a cousin, my bil and his wife, my aunts (all three with spouses), my sister, and cousins. My mil and other sil were in Detroit but I had already called them with the news.

We tried to get a hold of his sister that lived in town to no avail( I was later blamed by her that she did not get to make it to his bedside).  I even held his body for hours in hopes that she would make it to the hospital. I finally got back home around 6am and passed out from sheer exhaustion, disbelief, and distress.

And it was only the beginning of a tumultuous journey and I would need all my energy and sense of equilibrium to help me get through the terror of it all…