Monthly Archives: April 2009

Have You Ever Noticed?

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A  heart is composed of two tear drops.

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I Stand Corrected!

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Christine was telling the truth about Kierra’s doctor going on medical leave.  Kierra and Christine met with another docter who will perform Kierra’s surgery.  

For now, we do not know the date of the surgery.  We do know that Kierra will have it as soon as school is out.  Kierra’s school has three snow days to make up.  The school has yet to inform parents of the last day of school.

I was totally shocked to hear from Kierra  that Christine was telling the truth.  It’s a shame that our dealings with Christine only lead us to think the worst of her.  All the scheming and lying she does  lead us to believe she was trying to pull a fast one.

I’m not sure if I will ever let my guard down with Christine.  She has proven time and time again that she cannot be trusted.  This time though she did right by her child and took the necessary steps to ensure Kierra was taken care of.  She didn’t put her wants and needs before Kierra so I have to say kudos to her!

We are happy that during all this Kierra has not had a setback in her health.

Cutter

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Hurting people hurt people.  They do this to focus their attention elsewhere so that they don’t have to deal with the real pain of their situation.  It’s like people who physically cut themselves.  While these “cutters” don’t actually draw blood, their “cuts” come in the form of attacking others. 

However, knowing this information beforehand only makes it slightly easier to tolerate their toxic behavior.  I still wonder:

  •   Why can’t they get themselves together? 
  •   How do they feel once the temporary high of cutting subsides?

It is hard not to respond in a similar fashion, yet I know that doing so won’t get me very far.  Plus cuts do leave scars!  I can’t begin to count the number of times I have wanted to slice and dice Eliza right back  with a machete the length of Texas.  I have envisioned myself filleting her like a piece of meat at Benihana’s!   And she’s not the only one in queue for those knife tricks!

Fantasies aside, I have to remind myself that I don’t want to do anything to add to her already troubled state.  I breathe easier that way!

Guess What?

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I’ve been asked on a date by a guy who seems different from the Men @ Work (he’s single for starters).  He has been very sensitive and understanding about my loss.  He is a good conversationalist and has listened attentively for the last month to my deepseated, ardent lamentations.   This has been a good outlet for me as I don’t like to constantly burden family and friends with my tales of woe. I don’t feel that he has a hidden agenda either.  It has been close to six months and I am finally at the point in which I have accepted my husband’s death.

I do think an occassional, platonic dinner and a movie would be okay, but I don’t know!  It could just be my loneliness talking.  Maybe this step would help me enter back into the Land of the Living?

Caught, Red Handed!

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What do you do when your kids catch you throwing something that belongs to them away? 

Everyday Ian and Imani come home with a bookbag full of papers.  Ian had become quite the pack rat and does not want to get rid of anything.  It’s so bad that he even keeps the boxes that his toys come in.  (The toys are not in the boxes.  He just like to keep everything)!  Anyway…I have been slowly but surely throwing away things that he does not need.   I hold onto  his really nice pictures, the ones that fill up the whole page.  Some of the papers he brings home have cut-outs and some have crayon lines in two or three places. 

I’m on my spring cleaning kick and I have gotten rid of so much paper.  While stuffing a garbage bag with Ian and Imani’s “stash”, Ian catches me!  I got yelled at by my six year old for getting rid of his paper.  He couldn’t understand why I was throwing his “stuff” away.  I didn’t even have a answer for him.  Not one that a six your old could comprehend our family history.

I posted before about the women in my family being hoarders.  I have been guilty of keeping things that I do not need or no longer using.  Now my motto is not to clutter up my home. 

So after much thought I have come up with a plan.  Ian and Imani can keep two papers daily that they really like.  I have some binders that they can put their papers in.  Instead of having papers all over my house.   I’ll use the sleeve protecters and when the protecters fill up they can then swap the old ones with new ones.  I also plan on getting some frames for their bedrooms where they can change their work from time to time. 

I can laugh about it now but when Ian yelled at me I felt like his daughter being scolded trying to hide something.

Must Be Present to Win

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Life is a verb.  It requires participation and dedication.  And you have to be motivated to stay the course.  I’ve spent so many days just “visiting” life.  I often feel like I’m on the outside looking in.  Who is this actress playing me I often wonder?

Each day I aim to find a new facet of myself.  I have to do something to keep my spirit soaring.  Like old school raffles–you have to be present to win! I’m working on being present…