Tag Archives: marriage

Wedding Bells or Sirens?

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My little brother (22 on the ides of March) is getting married. Tear!

I learned this information a week ago via my sister.  He relayed to her that he wanted me and the kids to be there.  I have a strained relationship with him.  Why I can’t exactly pinpoint. Nevertheless he should have called me himself.

He has been with her around 5 years.  I do not like his wife-to-be.  I have no concrete reason as I do not know her very well nor do I particularly want to.  However, there is just something about her that doesn’t agree with me.

My brother rarely comes around, and the few times that he has and she’s been with him, she sits out in the car. Weird.

She did not come to my mother’s service because she had to work.  It didn’t seem to bother him but it offended me.

She seems very timid around me.  I do not treat her rudely, but I suppose she knows that I don’t approve of her.

The wedding is April 23rd so I have a couple of  months to get over myself.  How do I do this? I try to think about the fact that he seems to be happy with her (can’t he be happy with someone else?). Small consolation.  Also, I’m not the one marrying her so it really shouldn’t be an issue (my rational mind knows this). 

I thought about not attending but changed my mind.  I don’t want to hurt his feelings or deprieve Che and Nicky of the opportunity.  Plus I feel so sad that our mother is not around to witness it so I feel even more compelled to be there.

And I refuse to be like my Satan-in-law.

Wives Behaving Badly

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I thought this article was thought provoking.  Sometimes we are guilty of this.  I remember when my husband would wash the dishes and leave water all over the counter.  That is what caught my attention–the water and not the perfectly washed dishes.

Let’s try speaking words of encouragement to our spouses and see things in the best light possible.  Remember Proverbs 15:4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Do You?

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Some people should refrain from marrying.  Sunday I was most disturbed while watching “On the Case” hosted by Paula Zahn.  This particular episode featured the story of Darren Mack, accused of killing his wife Charla, and shooting the family court judge presiding over their divorce.

Midway through the story Paula reported that one of their hobbies was “swinging.”  I’m sorry, but in my mind this activity has NO place in holy matrimony.  If you want an “open” marriage, why bother getting married in the first place?  Open marriage=oxymoron in my book of life. 

Another pet peeve of mine–people who marry with divorce in mind.  If it doesn’t work out, we can always divorce.  Divorce should be the last resort.  What if there was no such thing as divorce?  Do you think people would choose their mates more wisely?  Or would it create a surge of crimes of passion?  If you are not willing to work through your problems and put effort forth to make it work, do everyone a favor and keep your single status. 

Last week  my boss confided in me (why I was privy to this info sure beats me)about how he told his wife of 18 years he wanted her to move out.  I was surprised to say the least.  Usually the husband leaves the wife in the home.  Since he was in a sharing mood, I asked him why.  He said because she was “getting on his nerves.”  Amazing stuff.  That happens sometimes within the confines of a marriage.  It actually happens more frequently than the unenlightened would imagine.  And it only took him 18 years to come to the realization!

Man I love Nicki Minaj, I told her I’d admit it
I hope one day we get married just to say we f-cking did it
And girl I’m really serious I’m with it if you with it
Cause your verses turn me on and your pants are mighty fitted

 These lyrics are from a song called “Miss Me” by Drake, which I do like.  However, the above lines are just another example of society’s cavalier attitude toward marriage.  The reasons he gives for wanting to take her on as his wife are because she’s good with words and wears tight pants.  I know this is just a song, but I suspect there is more than a grain of truth in those lines.

All we have to do is look at Brittany Spears who married her childhood best  friend for five minutes and other celebrities who marry and divorce based on lust and looks for more evidence of our shallowness.  Is Angelina Jolie going to run off with Johnny Depp? They just made the  movie The Tourist.  Be afraid Brad, be very afraid!

Marriage is hard work.  It is not always pretty. I’m afraid we’ve taken something beautiful and made a mockery of it.  Death rarely does any union part nowadays.  It’s really heartbreaking and makes me terrified of ever marrying again.

Love Is Patient

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For Christmas Morocco gifted Husband and I a pre-order gift certificate of the Christian movie Fireproof.  The movie came out on DVD at the end of January.  With so much going on we had not gotten around to watch the movie until now.

So Sunday evening Husband and I settled down with two other couples to watch the movie.  The acting was not all that great but the message was positive.  The plot is about a married couple on the verge of divorce.  The husband sought the advice of his father.  Upon doing so the father gave a journal called The Love Dare to his son.  The journal is a 40 day challenge for the husband to show unconditional love towards his wife.

Therefore the husband starts the challenge.  The wife could have cared less about the changes in her husband.  The husband called his father often saying he wanted to give up.  The father persuaded the husband to keep fighting and continue the challenge.

I purchased The Love Dare and study guide for Husband and I to take the 40 day challenge.  We are not having issues like the charachters in the movie but marriage is hard work!  In my everyday battle for self improvement I/we need to work just as hard for our marriage.

                                                    Day 1 Love Is Patient

Be completely humble and gentle: Be patient bearing with one another in love.  Ephesians 4:2 NIV

                                                           Today’s Dare

In a number of ways our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

Even though The Love Dare focuses on married couples there are activities that can be applied to everyday life.  I’m sure I’ll post more of the dares as I go through the 40 day challenge.  I’m on day 3 now and I must say that I am so glad I decieded to take the challenge.

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.  James 1:19

Twisted Sister

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I vividly recall the day I first met my husband and his sister.  He was quiet and shy, but her, not so much.  It was obvious that he and I liked each other and she thought our crush was the cutest thing.  She wasn’t around a lot because she was too busy chasing boys.  I remember her as his wild big sister, the black sheep of the family.  Back in the day she liked me.  But that was then…

She was never rude to me directly because my husband wouldn’t tolerate it.  So she carefully veiled her animosity toward me in hopes that he wouldn’t notice.  He did.  She resented that I was number one in his life.  It was very clear how much he adored me. 

 The summer we spent looking for our first home we stayed in his grandparents house, who had both recently died.  The heat was sweltering!  I was quite surprised when my SIL came over to take our refridgerator!  She already had one so she kept it on her front porch!  The comment that she made to her brother said it all “Morocco can go and buy y’all  a new one.”   I assume she felt this way because I had just bought a new car.   

During our courtship she started to connect with Eliza because they had a mutual enemy in common: ME.  I asked my husband what exactly had I done to his sister.   He replied nothing, and that she never wanted him to be with anyone.  She always found a reason not to like whomever he was with.  She was iffy with Eliza , too when they were together.  Yet, Eliza tended to cater to her to be accepted so it wasn’t a major problem.  I, on the otherhand, ignored her once I realized that something wasn’t right.  I didn’t see any need to suck up.

When we got married and had Nicholas she was very upset and cried bitterly.  My other SIL told us this.  My husband just shook his head about his crazy sister’s reaction.

She did many other things throughout the years which caused him to stop interacting with her.  He loved his sister but did not like her ways.  We both felt she had a weird fixation with him.  It just wasn’t healthy.  In fact, we even compared her toTony Montana from the movie Scarface because of the questionable love he had for his sister. 

One time we stopped by her house and she took a shower while we were there.  She actually came into the living room with a very small towel wrapped around her body.  However, you could very clearly see all of her vagina and parts of her breasts.  I was very uncomfortable and appalled!  She simply said “excuse me y’all” as she sauntered on through!  My husband also said this freaked him out and was very disgusted by her indecent behavior.  He said she scared him.

And she blamed me that she did not have a relationship with him.  I guess it had nothing to do with:

  • Her smoking “funny smelling cigarettes” in front of the boys.  I’m sure you can guess what she was smoking!  My husband was livid! 
  • She had no control over her tongue and would say whatever came to mind–even in front of the children
  • My SIL told Eliza that she did not like me (Eliza was thrilled with this nugget of information and couldn’t wait to share it with us)
  • She told me that she liked Eliza because “she don’t want my brother.” Huh?…was all I could think
  • When Eliza refused to let my husband get the boys she still allowed my SIL to get them.  If she was mad at her brother for whatever reason, she would not let him pick up his own kids from her house.  Once he tried to do so anyway and she called Eliza on him!
  • She is very materialistic and jealous-hearted
  • She has tried to run his life over the years and is very overbearing
  • She wanted my husband to take care of her and her daughter.  She would often ask him for money and would get angry when he said no.  She also tried to force him to babysit a lot
  • She often badmouthed him to their friends and family and painted the picture that he was upset with her for no reason
  • She thought my husband was wrong for not continuing to interact with his former stepson and often made an issue of it.  She would assert that he was still her nephew and that he was always going to be his son.  I was blamed for this, too
  • Her opportunistic ways
  • She kept drama going with many other people

The night he died I had a sneaking suspicion that she would not handle it well and act crazy.  I braced myself before calling.  I attempted to reach her but couldn’t.  My BIL tried as well as his aunt to no avail.  I even waited at the hospital for close to seven hours in part for her to get there.  She never made it and I was blamed for this, too.  She claimed that I did not try to call her at all.

From the day he died (Saturday) until Tuesday, she behaved very poorly to say the least.  She was running around foaming at the mouth with her hatred of me.  She told several of her family members that “she manipulated him away from us.”  They countered her point of view because of course, I had not.  She managed to do that without my help because he interacted with everyone except for her.

It really bothered her that she was the only one with these feelings of rancor.  His aunt told me that one night after Nicholas and I left her house,  my SIL started crying saying to her “You love Morocco, don’t you!”

She assisted and encouraged Eliza’s family in taking the boys away from me.  She also stated that they should be with “family” and provided the name of the hospital in which Evan was located.

What blew my mind the most was that she called the coroner’s office and asked them NOT to release the body to me because we were ONLY related by law!  That crushed me more than anything!!!   She also thought I was going to have him cremated and wanted to prevent that from taking place.  I found out about the call from the funeral director.

Enough of my in-laws finally got fed up with her and chastised her callous, immature behavior.  I suppose they let her carry on as long as they did because she was grieving the loss of her brother–who knows?  On  Tuesday I went to make the funeral arrangements and she came along with my BIL (much to my dismay).  When the funeral director addressed me by my last name; guess who answered, too?!  Granted she had only been married for a week (she did not invite or call to tell her beloved brother about her small wedding), but still, she should have known that he was referring to me!

After I finished and was leaving out, she stopped me to apologize.  She then started to cry saying ”  Morocco, whatever it is I’ve done, I’m sorry.  But I should have never taught my brother how to live without me.”  I had no idea what she was talking about, but I replied “All he did was get married and have a family.  He was still your brother.” I had no fight left in me as I limply tried to comfort her. 

Since that day she has been full of praise for me.  Over the course of the last two months she has called many times saying what a wonderful wife I was to her brother, and mom and stepmom to her nephews.  She has left so many sickeningly sweet messages that half the time I can’t bear to listen to them. They are filled with phrases of love, admiration, and kinship.  It makes me soooo uncomfortable!  How can one change their heart so rapidly?!  I can only think of how she betrayed me with her Judas kiss.

But when the boys were in town two weeks ago and at her house, do you think she called me over for a visit?  I haven’t heard from her in almost three weeks.  And she knows that I am aware that they were in town.  Maybe she feels bad.

My husband would not be surprised by her behavior in the slightest.  He knew his sister well.  And he would be in a rage about the way she treated me.  If she thought he had disowned her then…

She is one of those people that I have a hard time loving.  I definitely struggle with forgiving her.  Do you see why?  During my time of deepest sorrow I had to deal with both her and Eliza’s crazy clan.  The state of shock I was in definitely preserved my sanity that they so desperately tried to break.