Peninsula

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Wetness all around me/True/But I’m no island/Peninsula maybe/Makes no sense/I know/Crazy ~Andre 3000

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of  the continent ~John Donne

For none of us lives to himself… ~Romans 14:7

As strange as it may sound, I pretty much live a life of seclusion.  In fact, one of my most outspoken students refers to me as “a secret.”  It probably doesn’t seem this way considering that I have a blog and post about many private matters. 

But I ‘ve been like this as long as I can remember.  If I really reflect on this side of myself, I know that it is rooted in rejection, fear, longing, and loss.

In some respects I enjoy my sheltered existence.  It limits me from dealing with fickle, crazy, cruel people.  My “island like” behavior serves to protect me from these things.  I was comfortable and safe with the world I had–my husband and my kids.  I could have lived this way forever.

On the other hand, it prevents me from enjoying the fullness of life.  When you are afraid to love or live for the fear of getting hurt or rejected, how can you seize the day? I’m gradually learning that it is okay toallow people into my realm.  It really does make the tempests of life more bearable. 

Life is lonely for me right now.  It’s only when things go wrong that you realize this.  You crave human contact and relationships.  What you once perceived as paradise can turn into a deserted dwelling.  And I don’t believe that God intended for us to live to ourselves.

Change is hard.  I am not quite ready to abandon my island living.  Maybe I am a parrothead at heart!  However, I know that I can’t exist solely to myself.  It’s just not healthy.  So I’m upgrading to a beachfront peninsula!  It’s a small step in the right direction.  I will be connected to others, yet I can retreat unto myself when desired. 

In my own way I am reaching back to those who are stretching themselves to be apart of my life.

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2 responses »

  1. Old Habits do die hard. Back in college I used to live very secluded and a couple of years ago I discovered that I’d rather feel the pain and joy then the numbing safety of seclusion. I know that you’ll find your way step by step. Life is so wonderful, and I think it’s great that you’re starting to stretch to allow others to be a part of your life.

  2. Morocco, I live a very secluded life myself. I work from home, and go to school from home. I actually like my life. I love seclusion, but I also like to get out and do things. For me solitude is peace.

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