For the life of me I can not understand why Eliza likes to be so contentious. You would think in her circumstances that she would focus all of her attentions on improving herself. You would think that she would be on a peace-seeking mission. Not!
I received her latest letter today in the mail. While it seemed civil on the surface; it was really loaded with duplicities. This time the wording was less accusatory and more cordial. She even included a brief paragraph about the culinary arts class she is taking. I’m sure it was a ploy to get the information she wanted. Really, she only wants to know what they are saying about her. However, Eliza must have realized by my last reply that firing word missiles would not work. Perhaps she has figured that she is likely to have more success catching flies with honey than vinegar.
But as usual, everytime she writes she asks the same exact questions that she has already asked in previous letters. And I have already provided her with answers. Not to mention, when I see her once a month, I give her an update on Evan as well. So really she has no need to write me other than for vexation purposes–this is something which she does so well. This time she wrote: Morocco, if you could send me a copy of a progress report or documentation stating the nature of the concerns posed pertaining to Evan’s condition I would greatly appreciate it. I would just like to be brought up to date with any regression or progress that he may be experiencing. Just to have a better understanding as to what is going on with Evan. Please kiss the boys for me and tell them I send all of my love.
This repetitious practice only supports my theory that she is extremely paranoid and anxious about her inability to control her children (and us) as she sees fit. It also signals a lack of trust in us. This is wearing me down to the bone. She is really starting to work my nerves. I almost feel as if she is trying to “catch” me in something, what I am not sure. My answers don’t change because you can’t really alter the truth.
In no way will she take responsibility for any of her children’s problems and I can’t force her to do so. When I share with her that Evan is having issues with things that went on in her household she gets extraordinarily defensive. She also feels that I am only telling her these things to be judgemental and to hurt her feelings. Though Eliza claims she wants to know everything that is going on with her boys, she really doesn’t because she can’t handle the truth. I too, have sent her clinical summaries from the previous therapist that Evan worked with. She was in denial then as well. She had the audacity to question the creditidentals of the highly qualified therapist. Eliza argues about everything written in the clinical notes as if she was a trained pyschologist. So you see, you can’t win for losing with her. But the things that happened under her roof can’t be erased. They do have to be addressed. Obviously she does not realize that she can make the choice to be bitter or better. Plus, I can only sugarcoat so much before it results in a stomach ache for the both of us! Such madness!
I find myself in the same position as I was in around mid-June. I am depending on God to give me the right words to say again. I know that He does not want me to spar with her. At the beginning of her letter, Eliza wrote Know that you are a part of my prayers daily. I truly hope she is being sincere because I do need strength for the journey.
Note: This is my reply:
Hello, I hope all is well with you. The boys and I are doing fine. Not much has changed with Evan since I spoke to you regarding him at the last visit. Again, we are scheduled to have our first 24 hour pass with him on August 2nd.
He is still working to improve in the following areas:
- Poor impulse control and mood modulation, indicative of a mood disorder
- Resistance to accepting direction and limits from authority figures, inappropriate roles with adults
- PTSD symptomology related to witnessing violence/murder.
I will continue to keep you abreast of any new developments.