Karaoke

Round #2: Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I was reading end-of-the-year reflections written by my students and came across this gem.  One line in partcular stood out  in a paper written by Roberto, an ENL student, I don’t regret what I did, I regret what I didn’t do.  How thought-provoking!

The Empire Strikes Back

I’ve known for awhile that I need to set boundaries with certain people.  However, I am too “nice” for the most part.  I have a hard time with this because I don’t want to hurt anyone.  There have been periods in my life where I have let others take advantage of me because I have been too meek to put up fences.

Not anymore! I have a new attitude because I am tired of putting the needs of others before mine. Cases in point:

• When Jazmine’s mom is being whiny about my lack of visiting trips, I ignore her.  I no longer get defensive and angry.  I’ve decided that I will take her to visit when it is convenient for me, and it may never be convenient for me to do so! 
• I’ve decided if Eliza’s sister tries to contact me again that I won’t hide from my ringing phone.  I am going to answer and kindly ask her not to call me ever again. I’ve already donated their clothes so there is no reason to bother me.  I’m done with that chapter.
• My little brother loves to borrow money from me.  However, he only calls when he needs something which in turn, makes me feel used.  I don’t like this feeling! Therefore, the next time he calls I am not going to allow him to manipulate me into giving him money.
• If I don’t feel like doing something, I’m going to take Nancy’s advice and “Just Say No!” My hair stylist was hosting a cosmetics party that I did not want to attend.  One, because I had attended a gathering from the same company a couple of months ago.  Two, I don’t really like their products.  I am proud to say that I stuck to my guns on this one!  In the past I would have went regardless of my true desire.
• The custodian at work has been trying to use his broom to sweep me off my feet.  I haven’t told him outright that I am not interested in fear of hurting his feelings.  However, I know that I can no longer tiptoe through the tulips–I plan to tell him firmly how I feel because I don’t want to land myself in a situation that I don’t want to be in.
• I haven’t attended any of the meetings at the new school that I have been assigned to in the fall.  After working a full day, attending meetings at my present place of employment, and picking up and caring for the kids–I have no time.  I refuse to do double duty and try to serve two masters.  When I am an official employee of the other school, I will follow their program.  Until then, I am not going to drive myself ragged, not to mention, locate and pay for a babysitter!

These are only a few ways that I am staying true to myself.  How about you?

Autobiography

If you had to write the story of your life, what would you title it?  Mine could be called “All the Things I’ve Done Wrong,”  lol!  Or to paraphrase a line from the Grateful Dead, “It’s Been a Long, Strange Trip.” Perhaps I’d call it “Ms. Understood.”  Hmm, maybe “High Tea: Drinking Life One Cup at a Time.”   What about you?

A Busy Bee

I’ve been so busy as of lately with the end of the school year drawing near. Not to mention I have to pack and prepare for my move to the new school I will be working at in the fall.

I am looking forward to summer break.  For once I have chosen not to teach summer school so that I may enjoy the time off.  I could use the money, however, my sanity is far more important.

June 1st can’t come fast enough!

The Card

I just wanted to share the card that Kierra got for me for Mother’s Day.

The Power of a Praying Mother

Mom, I have no idea how many times

you’ve prayed for me

through the years,

how many times you’ve carried me

before the Lord in your heart.

But I want to tell you “Thanks.”

Thanks for living your faith

and doing your best

to be a blessing to your family.

Thanks for how you always

asked God’s protection,

guidance, and mercy for me –

Lord knows, I needed them all!

And most of all,

thanks for believing in me

when it would have been easier not to

and for making sure I knew

I was in your prayers.

All through my life, I’ve felt

as though there were two things

I could count on-

God’s love…and yours.

And today I really do believe

a praying mother can work miracles…

because, thanks to you,

I’m one of them.

Wishing you a truly blessed

Mother’s Day!

Hope you had a WONDERFUL Mother’s Day today. We tried to have fun and keep you happy today.  I know you are happy to be a full time Mommy now!  I know you enjoy it alot.  But I will always be here for you no matter what.

XOXO

Love Ya,

Kierra

Compliments of  MAHOGANY by Hallmark and Kierra!

For Once!

Fisrt off I would like to thank everyone for the uplifting comments on Just Once…  It really meant a great deal to me.

I was feeling pretty down this past week.  Husband was ill and I put him in quarantine  in our bedroom so the rest of us wouldn’t get sick.  Ian and Imani kept asking for him.  They were not used to him being holed up where they couldn’t interact with him.  I just couldn’t risk everyone getting sick at the same time.

Friday I picked up Kierra for the weekend.  That’s right Kierra was over until Sunday evening.  I couldn’t believe it but it happened!

Saturday I worked most of the day.  My grandmother kept the kids for us and Kierra went to a birthday party. 

Sunday morning I cried and cried.  Not because I was upset about my situation.  I was crying because for once everything was okay.  Husband had a long conversation about everyday being Mother’s Day.  He told me over and over how much I was loved.  How he was so happy that I was his wife and mother to all of his children.  He told me that I had a special heart.  That I love and take care of children that I do not have any obligation to take care of.  He expressed how he falls in love with me over and over again because of who I am.  He told me to enjoy my day and not to worry about him.  He would take care of himself.  So you see why I cried so much?

The kids and I got dressed and took off for the mall.  We ate lunch at Houlihan’s.  Then we stopped at my brother’s for awhile.  When we came home I checked on Husbandand made sure he was alright.

Since Husband was sick he didn’t get to take the kids to get me anything for Mother’s Day.  Little did I know, he gave Kierra money to buy cards from the three of them and if I found anything that I liked to buy that, too.  Shortly after we arrived home they all presented me with cards that they picked out themselves, without any help from Husband.  They were so beautiful.  Especially the one from Kierra.  I started crying all over again! 

Aside from Husband being sick my Mother’s Day was great!  No worries, no drama, no sadness…For Once!

Karaoke

Let’s play a little game.  I’ll start the with the first line of a song and in the comment box you continue by providing the next line (if you know it!)

Song: My Girl

Artist: The Temptations

Line: I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day…

Just Once…

This is going to be hard, I have never written about my situation before now.  At any rate I think I have finally come to terms with this, so here goes…

Since I have been married, Mother’s Day has always been a sad day for me.  The reason being, I was not a mother.  Husband and I tried to conceive to no avail.  I was tested and tested again and again.  Husband and I went through proceedure after proceedure.   I had three surgeries and in 2007 I had the last one.  The one that sealed my fate.  No biological children for me. 

I met with my doctor numerous times to discuss other options.  For me there were no other options.  I was  exhausted by the poking, prodding, and not to mention the unbearable pain.  Husband was very supportive.  I thought I was fine.  Deep down I wasn’t.  Little did I know I went through a great depression.  At the time my mother-in-law was dying of cancer.  It was all too much on me. 

My marriage suffered a little because I felt like Husband didn’t understand what I was going through.  He had a child, a biological child.  He couldn’t possibly understand how I felt.  We tried our best to deal with everything going on.  I just wanted it all to go away.  At the time it was too great a loss, my unborn children and the death of my mother-in-law.

 Mother’s Day in 2008 was the worst ever.  I tried to put on a happy face but deep inside I was screaming for the emotional pain to stop.

My mother sent me wonderful cards telling me that I am a mother figure to the children I work with at school.  I am a mother to Kierra.  I am a mother to all of my Godchildren.  My mother-in-law gave me the greatest gift of all…Ian and Imani.  Even Husband praised me to the high heavens how grateful he was to have me as Kierra’s stepmother and now the mother of our inherited children. 

Even with all the praise it was hard for me to accept.  I felt like I was not a mother.  I had not given birth to any of these children.  Of course I love each and everyone of them but still I felt an emptiness.

Mother’s Day is just around the corner I was starting to feel this same emptiness.  Why was I feeling this way?  Ian and Imani have been a huge blessing in my life.  They are with Husband and I fulltime. I do not have to go back and forth with another parent as to what is best for their child.  So where are these feelings coming from?  I don’t know…

Yesterday, while reading Tiff, Taff, and Lulu to Ian and Imani I felt at peace.  I finally felt that empty feeling slipping away.  We were sitting on the couch together.  Ian had his head on my shoulder.  Out of no where he says, “Mommy guess what?  I made you something for Mother’s Day at school.”  I heard Husband yell from the other room that it was supposed to be a surprise.  Ian said, “I’m excited and can’t wait until Sunday.”  Wow….I needed that!

Not to long after that Husband yelled from our bedroom, “Guess what?  Kierra is coming over this weekend.”  I of course shook my head and asked if she remembered that this was Mother’s Day weekend.  He told me that she knew and Kierra asked Christine if she could come over and she said yes. 

Honestly, I don’t believe that will happen.  In previous years Kierra has had to sneak to call me on Mother’s Day.  As Kierra got older she has asked if she could stop by for a minute to see me.  Christine would say she would bring Kierra over but found every excuse not to.  Kierra would call and say that they were on their way several times throughout the day, only for Christine to go visit someone else.  Then it would get late and instead of dropping by Christine would go home.  My feelings would get hurt and so would Kierra’s.

Right now I feel a little flustered.  For once I just want a peaceful Mother’s Day.  I do not want to think about babies that I am not able to have.  I do not want to think about Christine and if she is going to let Kierra come over or not.  I do not want to think of her at all.  She dangles Kierra in my face and then snatches her away everytime.  I do not want to think of any of those things. 

I just want to enjoy a quiet day with  Husband and the children, all three of them if possible.  No drama, no worries, just once….

Love Is Patient

For Christmas Morocco gifted Husband and I a pre-order gift certificate of the Christian movie Fireproof.  The movie came out on DVD at the end of January.  With so much going on we had not gotten around to watch the movie until now.

So Sunday evening Husband and I settled down with two other couples to watch the movie.  The acting was not all that great but the message was positive.  The plot is about a married couple on the verge of divorce.  The husband sought the advice of his father.  Upon doing so the father gave a journal called The Love Dare to his son.  The journal is a 40 day challenge for the husband to show unconditional love towards his wife.

Therefore the husband starts the challenge.  The wife could have cared less about the changes in her husband.  The husband called his father often saying he wanted to give up.  The father persuaded the husband to keep fighting and continue the challenge.

I purchased The Love Dare and study guide for Husband and I to take the 40 day challenge.  We are not having issues like the charachters in the movie but marriage is hard work!  In my everyday battle for self improvement I/we need to work just as hard for our marriage.

                                                    Day 1 Love Is Patient

Be completely humble and gentle: Be patient bearing with one another in love.  Ephesians 4:2 NIV

                                                           Today’s Dare

In a number of ways our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

Even though The Love Dare focuses on married couples there are activities that can be applied to everyday life.  I’m sure I’ll post more of the dares as I go through the 40 day challenge.  I’m on day 3 now and I must say that I am so glad I decieded to take the challenge.

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.  James 1:19