Put It On The Alter

Yesterday I was feeling a little low and frazzled and remembered the CD a friend and coworker made me. I turned it on and the first song was Put It On The Alter by Jessica Reedy. The lyrics really resonated with me:

• It’s been a real hard couple of months, you had enough (mm hmm)
• But it’s been hard for everyone, you’re not alone, (uh uh)
• You’ve been hurting way too long, let it go and just move on
• Make your way down to the altar, hand it over and leave it there
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• So everything that you’ve been worried about (put it on the altar)
• You need him to work it out, he’ll work it out yeah (put it on the altar)
• All of your burdens just bring them all down and (put it on the altar)
• You’re gonna get an answer to your prayer,
• If you (put it on the altar)
• I know you need a healing (yeah) you sick of being sick, you need relief
• You’re tired of the pressure (yeah)
• You got all this stress and you need some peace
• Come on and get your breakthrough (breakthrough)
• Or haven’t you been suffering long enough?
• Make your way down to the altar, hand it over, leave it there
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• So everything that you’ve been worried about (put it on the altar)
• You need him to work it out, he’ll work it out yeah (put it on the altar)
• All of your burdens just bring them all down and (put it on the altar)
• You’re gonna get an answer to your prayer,
• If you (put it on the altar)
• Oh (oh yes you’ll get an answer)
• You’ll get an answer (answer from the lord)
• Oh yes (oh yes you’ll get an answer)
• You’ll get an answer (answer from the lord)
• So you need to put it on, put it on, put it on (put it on the altar)
• So you need to put it on, put it on, put it on (put it on the altar)
• Oh prayer (oh prayer) changes (changes things)
• see I know it does (oh prayer changes things)
• So take it to the lord in prayer (prayer changes things)
• Ask him anything you want cause (prayer changes things)
• Listen, you’ve been worrying and crying
• Crying and worrying
• But you’re not alone, you’re not alone no
• See you have a friend in Jesus, and he knows all about it
• And he’s gonna do what he promised you
• So everything that you’ve been worried about (put it on the altar)
• You need him to work it out, he’ll work it out yeah (put it on the altar)
• All of your burdens just bring them all down and (put it on the altar)
• You’re gonna get an answer to your prayer,
• If you (put it on the altar)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• It’s gonna be alright (it’s gonna be alright)
• So you need to put it on, put it on, put it on (put it on the altar)
• So you need to put it on, put it on, put it on (put it on the altar)

Also yesterday I pondered about the dry season in life that I am going through. I had an earnest talk with God. I even googled “living through a personal dry season” to see how others deal with it and stumbled across an awesome blog. This morning I received an email from the Osteens and I’m sure you already know the topic, lol. I am so thankful that God hears and cares about my lamenting and makes sure to find a way to let me know He is listening. Coincidence? Nah, I don’t think so!

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Oh, Had I a Golden Thread

My sweet little niece Jada was born last week.  She is sooooo pretty!  All I could do was stare at her delicate face as she slept.  Jada was also born with Down’s Syndrome.

A week before her mom went into labor the doctor informed them that there was a possibility the baby could have it and that her labor would likely be induced to prevent a stillbirth.  There was also a chance of her being born with deformities. After I heard the news I immediately prayed and asked others to pray with me. 

When they told me she was fine I felt relief.  I had to see for myself so we went to visit her as soon as I got home from work. And she looked perfect to me. She did not have the signs of a baby with this genetic disorder–no flaps of extra skin, the flattened nose, or the almond-shaped, droopy eyes.  I immediately thanked God.  Jazmine was sooooo excited and was talking a mile a minute as she paraded around the hospital room telling me all the things she was going to do with “her” Jada. 

A couple of days later the results came back and it was positive. My heart deflated like a balloon.  What in the world would those two do with a baby with mental challenges? I  already help them out a lot financially.  More importantly, how would they handle it emotionally? 

So I thanked God that she was at least born with life.  But this diagnosis still feels so heavy.  When her mom told me I didn’t know how to form my mouth to offer some comfort.  What do you say in a situation like this?  All I was able reply was that it was going to be okay and that they had my support. 

I asked her how they were coping.  She said “I’m okay with it, she’s still my baby girl.”  She said my brother had accepted it as well after a few tears.  At that moment I felt such utter gratitude and respect for them both.  I doubt that I would have welcomed the results with an ounce of their graciousness.  Jada is lucky to have parents who love her unconditionally.

Since then I have contacted the local Down’s Syndrome chapter and requested information for them, did some research for myself, and I plan on buying them a book for parents of children with this condition.  There is no way I can “fix” this so I did the only thing I know how to do–help them become informed.

However, I am still struggling with this. Why them?  We get so comfortable assuming that all children will be born completely healthy and that is not always the case. Now I must find the strength to pray that God may equip them both with knowledge, patience, and diligence required to raise a child with special needs.

Oh, Had I a Golden Thread (Eva Cassidy version)

Oh, had I a golden thread
And a needle so fine
I’d weave a magic strand
Of rainbow design
Of rainbow design

In it I’d weave the bravery
Of women giving birth
In it I’d weave the innocence
Of the children over all the earth
Children of all the earth

Far over the water,
I’d stretch my magic band
To every city,
To every single land
To every land

Show my brothers and my sisters
My rainbow design
Bind up this sorry world
With hand and heart and mind
Hand and heart and mind

Oh, had I a golden thread
And a needle so fine
I’d weave a magic strand
Of rainbow design
Of rainbow design

Do You?

Some people should refrain from marrying.  Sunday I was most disturbed while watching “On the Case” hosted by Paula Zahn.  This particular episode featured the story of Darren Mack, accused of killing his wife Charla, and shooting the family court judge presiding over their divorce.

Midway through the story Paula reported that one of their hobbies was “swinging.”  I’m sorry, but in my mind this activity has NO place in holy matrimony.  If you want an “open” marriage, why bother getting married in the first place?  Open marriage=oxymoron in my book of life. 

Another pet peeve of mine–people who marry with divorce in mind.  If it doesn’t work out, we can always divorce.  Divorce should be the last resort.  What if there was no such thing as divorce?  Do you think people would choose their mates more wisely?  Or would it create a surge of crimes of passion?  If you are not willing to work through your problems and put effort forth to make it work, do everyone a favor and keep your single status. 

Last week  my boss confided in me (why I was privy to this info sure beats me)about how he told his wife of 18 years he wanted her to move out.  I was surprised to say the least.  Usually the husband leaves the wife in the home.  Since he was in a sharing mood, I asked him why.  He said because she was “getting on his nerves.”  Amazing stuff.  That happens sometimes within the confines of a marriage.  It actually happens more frequently than the unenlightened would imagine.  And it only took him 18 years to come to the realization!

Man I love Nicki Minaj, I told her I’d admit it
I hope one day we get married just to say we f-cking did it
And girl I’m really serious I’m with it if you with it
Cause your verses turn me on and your pants are mighty fitted

 These lyrics are from a song called “Miss Me” by Drake, which I do like.  However, the above lines are just another example of society’s cavalier attitude toward marriage.  The reasons he gives for wanting to take her on as his wife are because she’s good with words and wears tight pants.  I know this is just a song, but I suspect there is more than a grain of truth in those lines.

All we have to do is look at Brittany Spears who married her childhood best  friend for five minutes and other celebrities who marry and divorce based on lust and looks for more evidence of our shallowness.  Is Angelina Jolie going to run off with Johnny Depp? They just made the  movie The Tourist.  Be afraid Brad, be very afraid!

Marriage is hard work.  It is not always pretty. I’m afraid we’ve taken something beautiful and made a mockery of it.  Death rarely does any union part nowadays.  It’s really heartbreaking and makes me terrified of ever marrying again.

Be Ok

I first heard this song on a Mott’s applesauce commercial and instantly liked it.  I can so relate to its lyrics!  Of course it is now on my ipod, lol.

Be Ok

`Ingrid Michaelson

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

CHORUS:
Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

CHORUS

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Be OkayKnow that maybe I will be ok

Karaoke

Round #2: Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Big wheels keep on turning
Carry me home to see my kin

Karaoke

Let’s play a little game.  I’ll start the with the first line of a song and in the comment box you continue by providing the next line (if you know it!)

Song: My Girl

Artist: The Temptations

Line: I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day…

Peel Me a Grape

I love this song and its sassy, seductive lyrics!  You can listen to it by selecting the link. Try making this request to your husband tonight!  I’d love to hear Queen Latifah do a cover of this song: 

Peel Me a Grape

Peel me a grape, crush me some ice
Skin me a peach, save the fuzz for my pillow
Talk to me nice, talk to me nice
You’ve got to wine and dine me

Don’t try to fool me bejewel me
Either amuse me or lose me
I’m getting hungry, peel me a grape

Pop me a cork, french me a fry
Crack me a nut, bring a bowl full of bon-bons
Chill me some wine, keep standing by
Just entertain me, champagne me
Show me you love me, kid glove me
Best way to cheer me, cashmere me
I’m getting hungry, peel me grape

Here’s how to be an agreeable chap
Love me and leave me in luxury’s lap
Hop when I holler, skip when I snap
When I say, “do it,” jump to it

Send out for scotch, call me a cab
Cut me a rose, make my tea with the petals
Just hang around, pick up the tab
Never out think me, just mink me
Polar bear rug me, don’t bug me
New Thunderbird me, you heard me
I’m getting hungry, peel me a grape

My Tunes

What are the first ten songs on your Ipod–if you have one?  Mine are:

Adore~Prince

After the Dance~Marvin Gaye

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough~Marvin Gaye

Ain’t That Peculiar~Marvin Gaye

All I Want Is You~Jon B. featuring Cuban Link

Allure~Jay-Z

Always Be My Baby~Mariah Carey

Angel~Sarah McLaughlin

Anotherloverholenyohead~Prince

Anything~Jaheim featuring Next

Keep On Keeping On

Move on up
towards your destination
You may find
from time to time
Complications
Bite your lip
and take a trip
Though there may be
wet road ahead
You cannot slip
So move on up
and peace you will find
Into the steeple
of beautiful people
Where there’s only one kind

Just move on up
and keep on wishing
Remember your dreams
are your only schemes
So keep on pushing
Take nothing less –
not even second best
And do not obey –
you must have your say
You can pass the test  

~Curtis Mayfield “Keep On Moving”

I am working hard to keep a positive attitude.  Some days are better than others.  It’s hard right now because I am very tired and my temper is short.  But I know I have to do things to keep myself floating.  When I am feeling extremely fragile I avoid people like Tasha who will drain the life right out of you.  I listen to motivational music such as the song above.  I pray.  I clean. Sleep.  Sometimes I write or bake.  Most importantly, I keep on moving. 

The Soundtrack of Eliza (A Double CD)

My kids are working on a project in which they have to create a soundtrack for a character from the novel The Poisonwood Bible.  Each song has to adequately describe the character’s personality and actions. 

So I thought to create one for Eliza that details the impact she has had on my life.  She is, afterall, quite a character in her own evolving drama.

1.  Crazy by Aerosmith~She drives me, herself, and others crazy.  I’m not sure if it is done intentionally or not, but she certainly does a good job of it.

2.  Leave Me Alone by Michael Jackson~This song speaks for itself–I wish she would leave me and mine the heck alone!

3.  Scream by Michael and Janet Jackson~She often makes me wanna SCREAM!!!!!

4.  I Will Survive by Gloria Gainor~I am determined to overcome Eliza and all her pettiness.

5.  Shake It Off by Mariah Carey~This song reminds me to relax and to “shake off” the small, numerous jabs   Eliza throws my way simply to offset my equilibrium.

6.  It Ain’t My Fault by Silkk the Shocker~Eliza’s anthem, for nothing is her fault–even when it is all her fault. 

7.  Getting In The Way by Jill Scott~This describes Eliza’s attempts to scare me off and sever the relationship I have with my husband.

8.  U Don’t Have to Call by Usher~I wish she would listen to this song! She does not have to call our home leaving foul, vile, juvenile messages.  This is one of her trademarks–phone terrorism.  I wonder what she would do if we had no voicemail?

9.  Wanna Be Startin’ Something by Michael Jackson~ She is not at peace if she is not sowing seeds of contention in somebody’s life–namely ours.

10.  We Need a Resolution by Aaliyah~I’ve reached this conclusion a long time ago, however, I am waiting impatiently for her.

11.  Ain’t That Peculiar by Marvin Gaye~Some of hers actions leave me with this very same sentiment.

12.  Can I Get a Witness by Marvin Gaye~In the days when she was determined to annilihate us, I decided to document everything.  She was so sly with her lies that I felt we needed the support of documentation and actual witnesses.

13.  Cold-Blooded by Rick James~Yep, that’s her.  Some of her behaviors have literally sent chills up my spine.

14.  Controversy by Prince~Eliza loves all things controversial.  If it is not drawing attention, upsetting others, and doing a lot of unneccessary damage, she wants no part of it. 

15.  Get Low by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys~I am always amazed at how dirty Eliza likes to play!  I’ve had to find out the hard way how low she is willing to go.

16.  Locked Up by Akon~I’m sorry–I couldn’t resist!

17.  Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson~Despite it all, I think Eliza is really hurting but pretends that she is not.  Therefore she projects her pain onto others.  This alone is what prevents me from totally despising her.

18.  Complicated by Robbin Thicke~The whole situation with Eliza is just complicated–and she loves having it this way!  This thing has more layers than a blooming onion!

19.  No More Drama by Mary J. Blige~Please?

20.  Can’t Help It by Jon B.~Sometimes I really believe that Eliza can not help herself from doing the things that she does. I mean what other reason does she have for some of her actions?

21.  New Attitude by Patti Labelle~I would like her to wake up with a whole new way of handling things.  A girl can wish, can’t she?

22.  Bossy by Kelis~She has to be in control at all times.  It is her way or the highway.  She even told my husband once “I pay the cost to be the boss.”  Well, the money she used to pay the cost came from child support, I so wanted to remind her!

23.  What Comes Around…by Justin Timberlake~Doesn’t reality bite?

24. It Ain’t Easy by Tupac~It is difficult dealing with Eliza–especially in person.  Every month I have to plaster on a smile and keep my feelings at bay.  Sometimes I am so uncomfortable being around her because I know that she does not really like me.  Other times I am angry at her immaturity, lack of consideration, lies–just fill in the blank.  However, I think I pull it off well.

25.  Eleanor Rigby by The Beetles~Like Eleanor, she is a lonely woman.

26.  Crash by The Dave Matthews Band~Eliza made an unwelcome entrance into my life much like a big crash.

27.  Forgive Them Father by Lauryn Hill~When it all said and done, I know I have to forgive her for things she has done to me.

28.  We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel~I feel like a lot of the problems that we have experienced with Eliza have been caused by her.  Because she was feeling insecure, hurt, angry, betrayed, and jealous, she had to make sure that we felt some of her pain.

29.  Dancing In The Dark by Bruce Springsteen~For a brief while I felt like Eliza and I were making progress in my attempt to start anew.  She certainly had me fooled because I didn’t intially realize that she had an agenda much different than mine.  I soon figured that I was getting no where fast and let it go.

30. War by Edwin Starr~I often feel like I am in the midst of a war with Eliza.  It’s not by choice, but rather by force.  I don’t want to fight with her–for what?  As Edwin said, “What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!”

31.  Emotional by Carl Thomas~Eliza is a very emotional person.  She cries a lot and is always worked up about something.  Her temperment is very volatile and unstable.

32.  Somebody’s Watching Me by Rockwell~This song describes her extreme paranoia to a tee.  Her very aura is one of suspicion and anxiety.

33.  Poison by BBD~This ditty describes her tongue.  She uses her mouth to shoot off the most wicked lies.

34.  Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones~What a great way to describe the depression that Eliza brings to my life.  She is very gifted at turning my lightness into darkness.  I try to not let her steal my joy, but I have to admit, sometimes, she wins.

35.  Backstabbers by The O’Jays~Still pulling out that last knife in the form of the poisonous letter that she penned to the court.  I couldn’t believe that she had the audacity to say that she does not know what is going on with her baby!  The court clerk even acknowledged that I have went above and beyond to keep her informed!  Despite her accusations, at every visit she wants to pretend like we are the best of friends!  They smile in your face…

36.  Hang Up Your Hang Ups by Herbie Hancock~She can’t let go of past grievances and traumas and therefore internalizes everything. 

37.  Bag Lady by Erykah Badu~ Emotional baggage is damaging.  Eliza’s load most be a terrible burden to bear.  Erykah was right–we should all “pack light.”