The Empire Strikes Back

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I’ve known for awhile that I need to set boundaries with certain people.  However, I am too “nice” for the most part.  I have a hard time with this because I don’t want to hurt anyone.  There have been periods in my life where I have let others take advantage of me because I have been too meek to put up fences.

Not anymore! I have a new attitude because I am tired of putting the needs of others before mine. Cases in point:

  • When Jazmine’s mom is being whiny about my lack of visiting trips, I ignore her.  I no longer get defensive and angry.  I’ve decided that I will take her to visit when it is convenient for me, and it may never be convenient for me to do so! 
  • I’ve decided if Eliza’s sister tries to contact me again that I won’t hide from my ringing phone.  I am going to answer and kindly ask her not to call me ever again. I’ve already donated their clothes so there is no reason to bother me.  I’m done with that chapter.
  • My little brother loves to borrow money from me.  However, he only calls when he needs something which in turn, makes me feel used.  I don’t like this feeling! Therefore, the next time he calls I am not going to allow him to manipulate me into giving him money.
  • If I don’t feel like doing something, I’m going to take Nancy’s advice and “Just Say No!” My hair stylist was hosting a cosmetics party that I did not want to attend.  One, because I had attended a gathering from the same company a couple of months ago.  Two, I don’t really like their products.  I am proud to say that I stuck to my guns on this one!  In the past I would have went regardless of my true desire.
  • The custodian at work has been trying to use his broom to sweep me off my feet.  I haven’t told him outright that I am not interested in fear of hurting his feelings.  However, I know that I can no longer tiptoe through the tulips–I plan to tell him firmly how I feel because I don’t want to land myself in a situation that I don’t want to be in.
  • I haven’t attended any of the meetings at the new school that I have been assigned to in the fall.  After working a full day, attending meetings at my present place of employment, and picking up and caring for the kids–I have no time.  I refuse to do double duty and try to serve two masters.  When I am an official employee of the other school, I will follow their program.  Until then, I am not going to drive myself ragged, not to mention, locate and pay for a babysitter!

These are only a few ways that I am staying true to myself.  How about you?

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12 responses »

  1. This sounds like what I’m going through. I am the exact same way. I used to let people walk all over me for fear of letting them down or hurting their feelings. But, no more. This is a new day and age. I realize my worth. I shine up my “balls” on a daily basis. I am so worth it, and so are you. Nice job standing up for yourself. If you didn’t, who would?
    Keep it up. Nice post!

  2. This post should be read by women everywhere. I think women tend to put others needs before their own. In the past I have been horrible at trying to take care of everyone else, but have let my own needs go. Your post was good for me to read because it is also something I am trying to work on. Teenagers, especially, can develop such a sense of entitlement that they make many unreasonable demands on their parents. I am getting quite good at telling mine no.

  3. I used to be this way a lot in my life and it really did end up hurting me. I never told anyone no. I always did what everyone “thought” I should do. Then when I finally, after years of never saying it, I was “mean.” Oh well, better late than never.

    I’m so happy for you M. This is a great new way to be. You know what always bothered me? We are so afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings and they could give two hoots for ours. I can’t figure that out. But, as I’ve aged, I’ve gotten so much better at it and you can too.

  4. Great, it’s about time you let this side of your personality out…. People can figure out when a person is soooo nice that they won’t say no to most requests, and then they try and use you. By finally showing your true feelings on things, you will let people know that you won’t be walked on….

  5. Morocco, you have as much right as everyone else in life..to live! Respect goes both ways. I have learned to respect others who choose to respect me. Those that are on a different page, I tend to not acknowledge. I have better things to do! You stay on track! 🙂

  6. As women we are raised as caretakers. Often that means at our own detriment. It is hard to learn to do this. I’m good at preaching it, but terrible at following my own advice. My example? My missing January-April….although it was all good stuff, it was too much.

  7. OK, so I am listening to playlist right now (my post for the day refers to it), and I am listening to Superchick’s Hey Hey. It should be your new theme song Morocco.

    I begins, “Some people you can never please,” but my favorite line is, “Why kiss the feet of the people that kick you? When you can be anything that you want to?”

  8. i will totally baby-sit while you run yourself ragged! you have to come to california, though. which might make you late to your meetings, so why don’t we just go to disneyland instead? 😀

    my older sister pulled that garbage with asking for money, not calling unless she needed something, always with the guilt. it took some time, but we told her no. a lot. and she finally got it. we were worried that we wouldn’t have a relationship with our nephews because of that, but it’s worked out.

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