The Card

I just wanted to share the card that Kierra got for me for Mother’s Day.

The Power of a Praying Mother

Mom, I have no idea how many times

you’ve prayed for me

through the years,

how many times you’ve carried me

before the Lord in your heart.

But I want to tell you “Thanks.”

Thanks for living your faith

and doing your best

to be a blessing to your family.

Thanks for how you always

asked God’s protection,

guidance, and mercy for me –

Lord knows, I needed them all!

And most of all,

thanks for believing in me

when it would have been easier not to

and for making sure I knew

I was in your prayers.

All through my life, I’ve felt

as though there were two things

I could count on-

God’s love…and yours.

And today I really do believe

a praying mother can work miracles…

because, thanks to you,

I’m one of them.

Wishing you a truly blessed

Mother’s Day!

Hope you had a WONDERFUL Mother’s Day today. We tried to have fun and keep you happy today.  I know you are happy to be a full time Mommy now!  I know you enjoy it alot.  But I will always be here for you no matter what.

XOXO

Love Ya,

Kierra

Compliments of  MAHOGANY by Hallmark and Kierra!

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For Once!

Fisrt off I would like to thank everyone for the uplifting comments on Just Once…  It really meant a great deal to me.

I was feeling pretty down this past week.  Husband was ill and I put him in quarantine  in our bedroom so the rest of us wouldn’t get sick.  Ian and Imani kept asking for him.  They were not used to him being holed up where they couldn’t interact with him.  I just couldn’t risk everyone getting sick at the same time.

Friday I picked up Kierra for the weekend.  That’s right Kierra was over until Sunday evening.  I couldn’t believe it but it happened!

Saturday I worked most of the day.  My grandmother kept the kids for us and Kierra went to a birthday party. 

Sunday morning I cried and cried.  Not because I was upset about my situation.  I was crying because for once everything was okay.  Husband had a long conversation about everyday being Mother’s Day.  He told me over and over how much I was loved.  How he was so happy that I was his wife and mother to all of his children.  He told me that I had a special heart.  That I love and take care of children that I do not have any obligation to take care of.  He expressed how he falls in love with me over and over again because of who I am.  He told me to enjoy my day and not to worry about him.  He would take care of himself.  So you see why I cried so much?

The kids and I got dressed and took off for the mall.  We ate lunch at Houlihan’s.  Then we stopped at my brother’s for awhile.  When we came home I checked on Husbandand made sure he was alright.

Since Husband was sick he didn’t get to take the kids to get me anything for Mother’s Day.  Little did I know, he gave Kierra money to buy cards from the three of them and if I found anything that I liked to buy that, too.  Shortly after we arrived home they all presented me with cards that they picked out themselves, without any help from Husband.  They were so beautiful.  Especially the one from Kierra.  I started crying all over again! 

Aside from Husband being sick my Mother’s Day was great!  No worries, no drama, no sadness…For Once!

Just Once…

This is going to be hard, I have never written about my situation before now.  At any rate I think I have finally come to terms with this, so here goes…

Since I have been married, Mother’s Day has always been a sad day for me.  The reason being, I was not a mother.  Husband and I tried to conceive to no avail.  I was tested and tested again and again.  Husband and I went through proceedure after proceedure.   I had three surgeries and in 2007 I had the last one.  The one that sealed my fate.  No biological children for me. 

I met with my doctor numerous times to discuss other options.  For me there were no other options.  I was  exhausted by the poking, prodding, and not to mention the unbearable pain.  Husband was very supportive.  I thought I was fine.  Deep down I wasn’t.  Little did I know I went through a great depression.  At the time my mother-in-law was dying of cancer.  It was all too much on me. 

My marriage suffered a little because I felt like Husband didn’t understand what I was going through.  He had a child, a biological child.  He couldn’t possibly understand how I felt.  We tried our best to deal with everything going on.  I just wanted it all to go away.  At the time it was too great a loss, my unborn children and the death of my mother-in-law.

 Mother’s Day in 2008 was the worst ever.  I tried to put on a happy face but deep inside I was screaming for the emotional pain to stop.

My mother sent me wonderful cards telling me that I am a mother figure to the children I work with at school.  I am a mother to Kierra.  I am a mother to all of my Godchildren.  My mother-in-law gave me the greatest gift of all…Ian and Imani.  Even Husband praised me to the high heavens how grateful he was to have me as Kierra’s stepmother and now the mother of our inherited children. 

Even with all the praise it was hard for me to accept.  I felt like I was not a mother.  I had not given birth to any of these children.  Of course I love each and everyone of them but still I felt an emptiness.

Mother’s Day is just around the corner I was starting to feel this same emptiness.  Why was I feeling this way?  Ian and Imani have been a huge blessing in my life.  They are with Husband and I fulltime. I do not have to go back and forth with another parent as to what is best for their child.  So where are these feelings coming from?  I don’t know…

Yesterday, while reading Tiff, Taff, and Lulu to Ian and Imani I felt at peace.  I finally felt that empty feeling slipping away.  We were sitting on the couch together.  Ian had his head on my shoulder.  Out of no where he says, “Mommy guess what?  I made you something for Mother’s Day at school.”  I heard Husband yell from the other room that it was supposed to be a surprise.  Ian said, “I’m excited and can’t wait until Sunday.”  Wow….I needed that!

Not to long after that Husband yelled from our bedroom, “Guess what?  Kierra is coming over this weekend.”  I of course shook my head and asked if she remembered that this was Mother’s Day weekend.  He told me that she knew and Kierra asked Christine if she could come over and she said yes. 

Honestly, I don’t believe that will happen.  In previous years Kierra has had to sneak to call me on Mother’s Day.  As Kierra got older she has asked if she could stop by for a minute to see me.  Christine would say she would bring Kierra over but found every excuse not to.  Kierra would call and say that they were on their way several times throughout the day, only for Christine to go visit someone else.  Then it would get late and instead of dropping by Christine would go home.  My feelings would get hurt and so would Kierra’s.

Right now I feel a little flustered.  For once I just want a peaceful Mother’s Day.  I do not want to think about babies that I am not able to have.  I do not want to think about Christine and if she is going to let Kierra come over or not.  I do not want to think of her at all.  She dangles Kierra in my face and then snatches her away everytime.  I do not want to think of any of those things. 

I just want to enjoy a quiet day with  Husband and the children, all three of them if possible.  No drama, no worries, just once….

Love Is Patient

For Christmas Morocco gifted Husband and I a pre-order gift certificate of the Christian movie Fireproof.  The movie came out on DVD at the end of January.  With so much going on we had not gotten around to watch the movie until now.

So Sunday evening Husband and I settled down with two other couples to watch the movie.  The acting was not all that great but the message was positive.  The plot is about a married couple on the verge of divorce.  The husband sought the advice of his father.  Upon doing so the father gave a journal called The Love Dare to his son.  The journal is a 40 day challenge for the husband to show unconditional love towards his wife.

Therefore the husband starts the challenge.  The wife could have cared less about the changes in her husband.  The husband called his father often saying he wanted to give up.  The father persuaded the husband to keep fighting and continue the challenge.

I purchased The Love Dare and study guide for Husband and I to take the 40 day challenge.  We are not having issues like the charachters in the movie but marriage is hard work!  In my everyday battle for self improvement I/we need to work just as hard for our marriage.

                                                    Day 1 Love Is Patient

Be completely humble and gentle: Be patient bearing with one another in love.  Ephesians 4:2 NIV

                                                           Today’s Dare

In a number of ways our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

Even though The Love Dare focuses on married couples there are activities that can be applied to everyday life.  I’m sure I’ll post more of the dares as I go through the 40 day challenge.  I’m on day 3 now and I must say that I am so glad I decieded to take the challenge.

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.  James 1:19

I Stand Corrected!

Christine was telling the truth about Kierra’s doctor going on medical leave.  Kierra and Christine met with another docter who will perform Kierra’s surgery.  

For now, we do not know the date of the surgery.  We do know that Kierra will have it as soon as school is out.  Kierra’s school has three snow days to make up.  The school has yet to inform parents of the last day of school.

I was totally shocked to hear from Kierra  that Christine was telling the truth.  It’s a shame that our dealings with Christine only lead us to think the worst of her.  All the scheming and lying she does  lead us to believe she was trying to pull a fast one.

I’m not sure if I will ever let my guard down with Christine.  She has proven time and time again that she cannot be trusted.  This time though she did right by her child and took the necessary steps to ensure Kierra was taken care of.  She didn’t put her wants and needs before Kierra so I have to say kudos to her!

We are happy that during all this Kierra has not had a setback in her health.

Caught, Red Handed!

What do you do when your kids catch you throwing something that belongs to them away? 

Everyday Ian and Imani come home with a bookbag full of papers.  Ian had become quite the pack rat and does not want to get rid of anything.  It’s so bad that he even keeps the boxes that his toys come in.  (The toys are not in the boxes.  He just like to keep everything)!  Anyway…I have been slowly but surely throwing away things that he does not need.   I hold onto  his really nice pictures, the ones that fill up the whole page.  Some of the papers he brings home have cut-outs and some have crayon lines in two or three places. 

I’m on my spring cleaning kick and I have gotten rid of so much paper.  While stuffing a garbage bag with Ian and Imani’s “stash”, Ian catches me!  I got yelled at by my six year old for getting rid of his paper.  He couldn’t understand why I was throwing his “stuff” away.  I didn’t even have a answer for him.  Not one that a six your old could comprehend our family history.

I posted before about the women in my family being hoarders.  I have been guilty of keeping things that I do not need or no longer using.  Now my motto is not to clutter up my home. 

So after much thought I have come up with a plan.  Ian and Imani can keep two papers daily that they really like.  I have some binders that they can put their papers in.  Instead of having papers all over my house.   I’ll use the sleeve protecters and when the protecters fill up they can then swap the old ones with new ones.  I also plan on getting some frames for their bedrooms where they can change their work from time to time. 

I can laugh about it now but when Ian yelled at me I felt like his daughter being scolded trying to hide something.

Ian, The Food Critic, Part 2

A while ago I posted about Ian and his pickiness during dinnertime.  He made comment after comment about how he didn’t like this or that.  Mealtime was a headache for me.

Fast forward to the present…

For Christmas we got Imani a pots and pans set.  She is just now playing with it.  So Ian decides he wants to play along with Imani.  While they are doing so, I’m in the other room folding laundry listening to them play.

Here’s part of their conversation…

Imani~Brother, can you pass me the big pan?

Ian~No I’m using it for something.  It’s a surprise for you.

Imani~(whining)  But I want to use it Ian.

Ian~I’m making zucchini and it’s going to be soooo gooood!

Imani~Ok!

I almost fell over!  Zucchini was the one food Ian almost refused to eat.  As I regained my composure, Ian continued telling Imani all the good food he was going to make for her.

I just smiled to myself and continued to to fold the laundry.

THEN…..Last night while I was fixing his plate Ian informed me that he did not like broccoli. 

Me~Oh really?  Since when?  You asked for broccoli the other day.

Ian~Well that was the other day.  I do not want broccoli today.

Me~Well too bad!  You’re going to eat it anyway.  That’s the only vegetable I fixed and vegetables make you strong.

Ian pouted all through dinner until it was time for dessert. 

I also forgot to mention that he now likes to tell me what to fix HIM for dinner.  I just have to laugh.  Maybe he will be a famous chef one day!

Over Spring Break

So last week was spring break for us.  I so needed the vacation and wish we had two weeks off instead of one.  Here are some of the things we did over break…

My family arrived from Seattle Saturday evening.  We helped them get settled.  Everyone was stunned to see how the renters left the house.  The renters removed the french doors on the master bedroom.  The ceiling fan was removed from the living room and placed in the kitchen.  It looked like someone ran a car through the  wall in the garage.  You could tell part of the wall had been replaced (they didn’t finish the repairs).  All the wall socket covers were missing.  The walls in all the bedrooms had huge plaster repairs from holes.  The shower door was missing from the master bath.  The garage door openers were also missing.  My brother made a list of things that he needed to get from the hardware store.  So I offered to keep my nephews for a few days so they could work on the house.

Sunday my mom and I took all the kids to see Monters vs. Aliens.  Since we were next to the mall we went shopping after the movie.  That eveing we ordered in dinner and played with the kids before their bedtime.

Monday my mom, sister-in-law, Kierra, and myself went to Massage Envy to get massages.  If any of you have one in your city I suggest you go.  I plan to sign up for their membership.  It’s $49 a month.  You get a 50 minute massage.  Each additonal massage for the month would cost you $39.  If you miss a month your massage rolls over to the next month.  Anyway, since Kierra is under age we were in the same room.  She loved it!

Tuesday we all went shoping again.  Can you tell shopping is one of my favorite things to do besides eating!?  On the way home I stopped by my brother’s to pick up Rock Band.  We ate dinner and played the Wii well into the night.  I started off playing the drums then I moved on to the guitar.  Finally I tried out the singing part.  Let me tell you, I cannot carry a tune but I got 100% singing Roxanne!

Wednesday my mom left to go back to Seattle to finish out her contract.  Husband and I took the kids to Jillian’s to cosmic bowl.  We had lunch there and then played some games.  The kids did not move from the air hockey table.  I kept suggesting the Fast and the Furious driving game.  Finally I left the the kids under Husband’s watch and Kierra played with me.  By the time we left everyone was worn out.  The kids fell asleep in the car on the way home.

Thursday I let Kierra babysit so I could go to my hair appointment.  Then I went to work at the Salon for awhile.  I needed to replace some of  my dwindling “Spring Break” fund.  When I returned home I watched Nim’s Island with Ian and Imani.

Friday I worked at the salon part of the day.  After work I took the kids to Olive Garden for dinner.

Saturday I worked at the salon again most of the day.  That eveing we had family game night.  We played SingStar on the Playstation 3.  The game comes with two microphones.  Two people can battle or sing a duet.  Then one person can sing solo.  Of course we all decided to battle.  The best part is the game allows you to play back what you just sang.  That was so funny.  The very first song was Hey Ya by Outkast.  Two of my friends sang this song.  They were up dancing around, performing for us not even paying attention the TV screen.  It was hilarious.  Then we moved on to Rock Band.  Husband I and let Ian and Imani stay up well past their bedtime.  It was 2:20 a.m. when the last person left out house. 

Sunday was chill day.  Husband and Ina went to the YMCA for a basketball camp.  The girls and I stayed home.  I was so exhausted form the weeks activities and not looking forward to returning back to work. 

So there it is…my weeks activities.  Now the countdown begins for summer vacation!

Happy Birthday Kierra!!!

Today Kierra turns 15.  She is such the little lady.  I met Kierra about three months before she turned two.  We have grown up together.  I was a fresh 21 then.  (Uh oh…I’m telling my age!)  We connected immediately and I was fortunate to have met her at that stage in her life. 

Last night we went out to eat at Famous Daves to celebrate.  Mmmmmm…..they have the best cornbread muffins!  Ian, Imani, Kierra, and Husband loved tasting the different sauces.  Kierra and Husband got a kick out of the looks on Ian and Imani’s faces when they insisted on tasting the Devil’s Spit sauce.  I tried to warn them that it was really hot.  But these are the same kids that enjoy eating Flaming Hot Cheetos and Flaming Hot Funyuns.  I guess the chips didn’t have a thing on the Devil’s Spit!

On our way home we stopped at Claires to get Kierra a tiara to wear to school today.  She wanted me to help pick it out.   When we got home we discussed possible outfits for her to wear.  This year she is with Christine so we will not see her today.  I told her to send me lots of pictures via her cell phone.

During spring break I scheduled a spa day with her.  My mom and sister-in-law are going along as well.  We are getting massages, manicures, and pedicures.  The Spa we are going to has a resturant so we plan on eating lunch there.   We couldn’t figured out what to get her so I came up with this idea.  Hopefully she has a blast and we all can relax and enjoy being pampered.

How Low Can You Go?

As you all know Kierra was scheduled to have surgery this week.  Last week Christine made many attempts to change Husband’s mind and let Kierra go home with her.  Husband assured her that Kierra would be just fine going home with us.

Christine was relentless in her pleas.  She commented on the fact that she could take off work…so can we.  She said she knows how to work the drain that Kierra would receive because she did it the last time…she had to be shown and the doctor can show us.  She went on to say that she has to sign Kierra in and out of the hospital…okay she can still do so and Kierra will still leave with us.  Then she said that what if Kierra needs to go back to the hospital for any reason…we are capable of getting her there and will call you immediately.  Besides that we have two running vehicles.  (Christine’s car has been “down” since Christmas.  Husband has had to take Kierra home at the end of her visits since then.  Yet Christine and her older daughter drive it all the time.)

I knew Christine would not be happy with Kierra coming to our home.  Why?  Well her words have come to bite her.  Christine swore she would never step foot in our house.  She even told Kierra this the other night while they were having a heated discussion.  Kierra informed us that Christine ranted about how Kierra didn’t love her.  How Kierra loved us more than her.  Why can’t Kierra just come home and be with her.  Kierra told Christine that she loved all of her family and this time she wanted to be with us.

Low and behold Husband received a call the next day from Christine but he missed the call.  Later that evening he was talking to Kierra on the phone when she broke the news.  Christine canceled the surgery.  She told Kierra that the doctor went on medical leave.  Kierra asked her if another doctor could perform the surgery.  Christine said she would prefer that her doctor do the surgery since the last one was a success.  Christine said she didn’t know when the doctor would be back.  Yeah right!!!  Christine canceled the surgery because she doesn’t want to come to our house. 

When this whole ordeal came about I told Husband that Christine would probably cancel the surgery.  That is the only way she could assure Kierra not come home with us.  I’m pretty sure she will rescheule it when it’s on her time.  But that is not even the issue.  The problem I have is that Kierra needs the surgery.  It’s not a life or death situation but the sooner she gets it done the better for Kierra.  If prolonged she could have a situation where she would need reconstructive surery.

We do not have a probelm with Christine coming to our home.  She’s the one with the problem.  We also do not have a problem going to her home.  When we have gone she goes into another room.  The last time Kierra had surgery she made it difficult for us to visit with Kierra.   She made a big stink about HER family and friends being there.  Well we are her family too!  Christine also wants to portray to her friends that she does it all.  So she doesn’t want us around when she is entertaining.  This is not about her, it’s all about Kierra.

The next day Husband had to pick up Kierra from school because she had a headache and couldn’t stop crying.  Kierra told me that she was tired of Christine getting upset with her about everything.  She said she is tired of the headaches.  I told her that she doesn’t have to keep all those emotions inside.  I told her that when things are really heavy in my heart I talk to God.  I go off in a quiet place and just talk to Him.  She could do the same and feel much better by letting it go.

Does Christine not care about Kierra’s health?  It doesn’t seem like it to me.  She is not concerned with her mental health either.  Kierra clings to us whenever she is over.  Friday night she layed on me all evening.  We ended up falling asleep on the couch and Husband had to wake us up to go to bed.  Whenever husband leaves to run errands she is right by his side.

Yesterday before she went home Kierra said she was looking forward to spring break.  My brother, his family, and my mom will be here.  She said she can not wait to see my nephews.  She also went on and on about doing different activites.  I just hope Christine doesn’t start in on her this week.  Kierra needs a break from the drama.