How Dare He?!!!

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I am really incensed right now.  My brother asked if he could keep Jazmine for the weekend so I obliged and dropped her off.  She was very upset and did not want to stay.  We really didn’t want to leave her in such distress, but I thought it was a good thing that he wanted to spend some time with her so we did.

When I called yesterday to pick her up, he refused to let me get Jazmine because he wanted her to stay with him.  He had the nerves to say that I am not her mother and hung up on me!  I was offended beyond belief!!! I was not trying to be her mother!

Of course I was caught off guard because this is not what I expected.  When my husband and I dropped her off on Friday he was not even there.  My stepfather kept her until he arrived home after midnight (he is currently staying with my stepfather who has since returned home).

My brother is not very responsible and spends most of his time chasing women, drinking excessively, and hanging with friends.  In short, he is not stable.

I called him back and let him have it.  I was actually pulling out of the drive way so that I could go her when my aunt called.  My brother called her crying saying that I was trying to take his daughter from him!  My aunt was aware of the “real” situation and was only calling to calm me down.  She asked that I allow her time to talk some sense into him.  We all know that at this point he is not responsible enough to properly care for her.

I talked to my husband as well.  He agreed with my aunt and told me to be patient.  He also said he saw it coming because of how selfish and greedy my brother is. 

My sister told me yesterday that he offered to let Jazmine spend the night with her kids–so much for wanting to spend quality time with her!

My stepfather also maintained that she needed to be with me.  He informed me too that he only wants to keep her because he does not want to give me the measly $100 that he has given me once a month since June.

Unfortunately that didn’t make me feel any better especially if he was only wanting her for selfish reasons.  I could have told him that he could keep the money so that he would allow me to get her, but it is really the principle of the matter.  He wants to have more money in his pocket to waste instead of contributing to her upkeep.  How disgusting!!!

I could contact social services, but honestly, I don’t want to be bothered with CPS again.  The experience that we had with them when Eliza lost temporary custoy of the boys was overwhelming to say the least–and we were not even the neglectful parents!

And as my husband pointed out, I should not have to go through such a process with my own brother.  I was doing something to help him.

So what can I really do?  I am not her mother as he so astutely pointed out.  I did not even have guardianship over her.  I didn’t think it was necessary considering that I was not trying to take her from her parents.  And I trusted my brother enough (my major mistake) that he would not pull a fast one.

I just hate that Jazmine has to be in the middle!!!  She is the one who is going to suffer the most.

I am calmer today, but still upset.  I can’t think about anything else.  I prayed last night that if it is God’s will that he will find a way to bring her home.  If He does, I am going to take the legal steps necessary to ensure that this does not happen again.

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5 responses »

  1. He sounds like the type that won’t want a little girl under-foot for too long. About the 1st time he can’t find someone to keep her to go out partying- you’ll probably get a call.

    Just make sure that when you do get her back- that you do what’s necessary to make sure that he can’t use her as a hostage to get what he wants again.

    Hope it all works out ok for you!

  2. Morocco, I am so sorry this is happening. I hate this for Jazmine, poor little angel. It makes me so mad when parents are selfish and do what they want and not what is really best for the children.

    I agree with Amy, though, usually people like your brother don’t want to be bothered with responsibility for long. I have no doubt Jazmine will end up back in your safe, loving home.

    Always in my prayers, girl,
    Stacy

  3. You should be, as you are, the adult and responsible one here.

    I understand how protective you feel regarding this little girl, whom, you rightly treat as your own daughter.

    However, for the little girls sake, it is only good that you show diplomacy and be the mature responsible adult here and not contribute to the little girl becoming just a commodity.

    Your brother is so obviously crying out for help.
    It appears that he wants to be responsible for his daughter and he wants to do the right thing, but he needs a loving sister to show him how to provide his daughter with a father.

    Instead of getting involved in a struggle with your brother, or letting him take sole responsibility for his daughter, in a time when he is obviously not able to be 100% responsible, perhaps you should try it the other way round.

    Talk to your brother, tell him that IF he is serious about being responsible for the little girl, then you will help him.

    Invite your brother to stay with you and the girl and your husband…not just for a weekend, but maybe for 2 weeks or so.
    Make it clear to him that whilst he is around HE is respnsible for her. Introduce him gently to the responsibilities of parenthood.

    He is going to muck up a few times, give him 3 chances.
    Explain to him, from the start, that he has 3 chances.

    If he mucks up 3 times, whilst staying with you, then you consider that to be the end.

    You could just be the saviour of this little girl having a chance of a real father (eventhough your husband probably does an excellent job too)

  4. How aggravating! It’s good there are other relatives that are aware of the “real” situation. With all of you involved I’m sure Jazmine will be with you again soon.

  5. Paul~

    I appreciate your insight–especially from a male perspective! I have tried to help my brother is numerous ways. He did not want to stay at our house because it was “too boring!”

    You have reminded me of what is an important goal for me–helping my brother learn how to parent his daughter. When she does go back home to her parents, I have to know that she is in good hands.

    Thanks for the reminder.

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