Tag Archives: visitation

She Does Not Stop!

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Yesterday I received a call from Jazmine’s great-grandmother who resides in East Orange, New Jersey.  She was calling to see how we were doing as well as to share a portion of a letter that Jazmine’s mom (her granddaughter) had written last week.  She wrote that Eliza has been bragging to her how faithfully I brought the boys to see her!  Eliza also stated that I should do this for her considering that Jazmine is her daughter! Therefore Jazmine’s mom is bitter that I am not extending her this courtesy!

I had many concerns about this letter:

  • I have guardianship of Jazmine and therefore any requests for visitation need to be addressed to me, not her grandmother. 
  • Why is she even listening/talking to to Eliza in the first place? Also, Eliza failed to tell her that the visits she received were court ordered and that it took her an entire year to get those granted!
  • Jazmine’s mom seems to be developing an attitude of entitlement.  I guess it is not enough that I am raising her daughter on my own.  I think Eliza has manipulated her and helped cultivate this “right.” 
  • I am offended that she would try to imply that I am doing something wrong by not driving 150 miles roundtrip and using my precious weekend time to do so.  It doesn’t seem to bother her that my brother, her parents, siblings, or any of her friends have not visited her at all–or even offered to escort Jazmine.  I have visited her twice with my niece; something I did not have to do!  I also write her and send cards, pictures, detailed updates, and drawings from Jazmine.  I am only one person and I can’t do it all!  Actually, I refuse!
  • She has not attempted to improve herself during her stay there.  She has been in so much trouble that she has added 9 months to her sentence.  Therefore I do not feel obligated to inconvenience myself to soothe her obviously fragile, immature ego.  If she was so interested in parenting Jazmine, she would do what it takes to get out sooner!
  • Again, why is Eliza determined to start more fires?!!! I think she may be missing the consistent visits that I provided her with.  Now that my stepsons live in North Carolina, I doubt she gets to see them on a regular basis.  Had the boys remained with me, I would have continued to follow the court order. Though she won’t acknowledge this and instead chooses to rub this information in Jazmine’s mom’s face to make her resent me for not doing the same for her.  Once again, Eliza is talking from both sides of her mouth!

As a mother I do understand her desire to spend time with her daughter.  However, my primary concern is that I take care of Jazmine to the best of my ability.  I had nothing to do with Eliza or my niece’s mother landing in prison.  I just have the tedious task of rearing children with ungrateful parents!  All she seems concerned about is making her stay more bearable. 

I knew it was only a matter of time before Eliza rubbed off on Jazmine’s mom!

Christine’s Ex

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The Ex dated Christine for about a year off and on.  Kierra liked him and at times she didn’t.  He seemed to be good for Christine because she wasn’t so bad when they were on and not off.

The Ex has a daughter and a son by different mothers.  His son’s mother lives in our city and his daughter’s in another state.  We figured he had a lot to do with calming the fires with Christine since he was is the same position as Husband.  Kierra has mentioned that his son’s mother acted “crazy” with him sometimes.  She said that the mom would cause problems if she knew Christine would be around. 

I used to wish that Christine would meet someone like her so she could feel the same things we did when she acted out towards us.  Well, I got my wish.  Not that I took joy in her discomfort, I just wanted her to open her eyes to the unnecessary conflicts that she was starting with us.

We also figured that Christine told the Ex horrible stories about us especially my husband.  Right again…I’ll explain later.

As she became closer to the Ex he became more visible.  He attended Kierra’s performances at school.  The first time Husband went and introduced himself and shook his hand.  Each time thereafter we saw him; Husband would speak and held short conversations with him.  Christine seemed to be flustered that they were talking.

During their last break up Husband ran into the Ex alone.  He said, “Boy did she paint a pretty bad picture of you!”  They both had a good laugh.  He told my husband that he was nothing like Christine described him to be.

At the hospital my husband learned quite a bit from the Ex about Christine and her shenanigans.

Christine made it seem like they were back together (her and the Ex).  After Kierra’s intial doctor”s appointment she promptly called the Ex and asked him to accompany her to the surgery.  She told him that she didn’t want to go alone.  He said he came to support Kierra because his daughter is the same age.

The Ex questioned her when he got to her house only to learn that her oldest daughter didn’t go to school so that she could be at the hospital, too.

He said that he used to tell Christine about herself all the time for the way she acted towards Husband.  She knew the drama he went through with his own son’s mother.

He told my husband that she complained all the time about Kierra coming to our home for visits.  He said she would try to bribe Kierra to stay home with her so THEY could be a family.  When Kierra did stay or go with her when she was at our home for summer visitation, Christine would try to act like she was so tired so she didn’t have to bring her back.  Kierra caught on.  He said he encouraged her to let Kierra spend extra time at our house.

He also told Husband that Christine said that Husband harrassed her all the time.  She told the Ex that Husband ran all her boyfriends away because he didn’t want her to be with anyone.  (Husband and I got a good laugh about that one.  They had not been together for over twelve years at the time). 

At one point the Ex and Christine were supposed to buy a house together.  They were looking for awhile and Christine seemed to be very happy.  Apparently they got into a huge fight about his son’s mother and things went downhill from there.

The Ex broke up with Christine because of her ways.  He said she was always going off about anything without letting him speak.  (doesn’t that sound familiar!)  He couldn’t deal with the way she treated Kierra knowing he was going through the same with his son’s mother.  (Oh, and the best one…)  She lies a lot. (Really?  Who would have thought!!!)  He said Christine was a cool person to hang out with but he could not be in a relationship with her.

Kierra said the Ex and Christine have gone to the movies from time to time since then.

I’m now wondering if Christine will call and ask him to go with her again to Kierra’s second surgery?

The Order

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Yesterday we received a notice from the court.  It has been ordered that due to his present mental status it is in the best interest of Evan to have no visitation with Eliza at this time.  It did not specify if or when her rights would be restored.  Nor did it acknowledge any of the other “concerns” that she had.

A part of me feels that she got what she asked for.  She was not at all truthful in her letter and had no reason to write it in the first place.  I felt like she wanted us to be punished for not giving into her every whim and desire.  I tried to warn her that this could happen.  However, she told me that “no judge would take my rights away.” 

There is a side of me also that feels sorry for her.  I know she will not take this news in stride.  I know it will be hard for her.  I’m sure she will blame us somehow, some way.

But she needs to understand the severity of Evan’s mental state.  I don’t know if this will help her realize it, however, this ruling takes a lot of pressure off of us.  She is currently in solitary confinement and I believe that this will give her time to think without the opinions of the other women influencing her.

Regardless of her reaction, I am just glad to have this matter finally resolved.

Kierra is Here!!!

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My husband picked up Kierra yesterday for her summer visitation, which lasts five weeks.  Kierra had been counting down the days.  I was too!!!  For some reason this year is different.  Maybe because Ian and Imani are here as well.  In the past I have a mixture of emotions before Kierra gets here.  Ranging from being excited all the way down to being anxious.

Usually BM sends some form of a verbal demand ( that we ignore).  If she wants to make a request she is capable of doing so herself.  Which normally happens because we do not follow through with her demands.  We are firm believers of not sending messages through children.

This time, I did not have any butterflies flying around in my belly.  I was not worried about what BM would or wouldn’t do or.  I have been at peace with things.  BM is going to be who she is and there is nothing I can do to change that.  I, on the other hand have not given in to anything that she does.  Making my life a lot less stressful.

Every year we have to go and buy Kierra a few things that she needs for the summer.  We went to court when Kierra was six so that BM would send appropriate necessities, like clothes for instance.  Since then she has followed the court order but we seem to have to go get her some things anyway.

When Kierra came in yesterday she was so excited that BM had taken her on a shopping spree.  I was excited for her.  She came in with new luggage, shoes, and clothes.  She could not stop talking about it.  I’m happy because now this will give us more spending money this summer.

We are going to Seattle to visit my family in a few weeks.  This will be Kierra’s first time on an airplane and our first ever week long trip with all of us.  My nephews (1 and 3) have been calling non-stop wanting us to come right now.

I have so many plans this summer thanks to Morroco’s long list of fun things to do.  It’s refreshing not to have to ask permission for Kierra to go along with us!