Today is Evan’s birthday. I had planned on making him this to celebrate. Even though he is not here with us, I still have a gift for him. I hope he can somehow feel the love that I am sending his way!
Speaking in general terms, we all want the good things in life. We don’t want to experience any valleys. Forget waiting–we want the good times to roll ASAP!
I know this is true for me, especially as a stepmom. Dealing with Eliza, there has been a whole lot of bad and ugly. I am ready for the good part. My relationship with Ethan is still the same. It has been two years and it really has not gotten any better. He continues to be distant and rude. It is not for a lack of trying on my part. In this case it does take two to tango.
I’m sure he is aloof for a variety of reasons:
- He misses his mom and I am a reminder that his mom is not available
- He has been trained not to like me
- He is a teenager
- He has limited interpersonal skills (a few of his teachers have mentioned this)
- He misses Evan and his other brother
- He does not put any effort forth to be a part of our family
- He is used to being in an environment in which there was little parental supervision
- He wants to remain the same for Eliza
I have signed him up for counseling. He rarely speaks, so I have no idea what is going on in his head. He talks to Nicholas and does okay (barely) with my husband.
I feel like I am living with a hostile stranger. Yes, I have tried bonding with him. Yes, my husband has tried talking to him on several occassions. Yes, we make an effort to make him feel welcome. I know it may take time, but my goodness, its been two years!
I know in a family that you must take the good with the bad and the ugly. That’s just what families do, yet I am having a hard time doing this.
Last night an employee from the residential treatment hospital called because Evan wanted to speak with us. I held the line waiting for the call to be transferred to him. When Everett told him I was on the line, with excitement in his voice he sang “Mommy!” I was shocked. He has never called me this before. When he got on the phone I asked him what he had said. He said “Everett told me you were on the phone and I said Mommy.” So I hadn’t misheard him. I quickly changed the subject because I was a bit uncomfortable. I started feeling guilty like I was betraying Eliza in some way.
I knew that Eliza would not like him calling me this. I can’t say that I blame her. During our conversation I let him know that his mom loved him and asked if he wanted me to relay any messages to her. He wanted me to tell her that he loved and missed her. He also asked how she was doing and I assured him that she was fine.
Even though I did not initiate the term of endearment, she would never believe it. She would assume that I told him or better yet, made him call me mommy. Though I really think it was a fluke or a slip of the tongue on his part. However, last year in a fit of emotion he did tell me that he wished I could be his mom. Evan is just so needy right now. He needs a mother. I guess I am the next best thing since Eliza is not available.