Gaylord Focker, will you be my son-in-law?
I’m pretty sure that most of you have seen the movie “Meet the Parents” starring Robert Deniro. Of course it takes him the majority of the movie to accept that his daughter loves Gaylord Focker.
Such is usually the case with step and biomoms. Sometimes it takes moms a while to acknowledge the fact that stepmoms actually love their children and mean them no harm.
And that ‘s okay. Give the moms space to accept reality in their own timing.
Stepmoms, for what it’s worth, you should make every effort to interact civilly with your stepchild(ren)’s mother. If possible as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW that some people are utterly unreasonable, don’t want to get along, and are mentally unstable to boot. But that has nothing to do with you and who you are! You are a stepmom with values and principles and a good heart. Use every opportunity you can to be the bigger person. In the end, the small things just don’t matter. If it is not a life or death situation you will be better off letting it go. Working together works–trite but true.
Take it from one who knows, it feels so good to do the right thing even when you feel that the other person doesn’t deserve it. I struggled a lot with this thought when it came to dealing with Eliza. I was most successful when I remembered that we didn’t deserve to have Jesus die for us, yet he did without hesitation. Therefore take what a person “deserves” out of the equation.
I had “proposed” to Eliza in the early stages of our burgeoning correspondence. I even shared articles with her from the CoMama’s so she wouldn’t think I was crazy for even dreaming of such a partnership. I wanted to let her know that I was not trying to take her place. I also wanted her to know that I wished to work with her for the sake of our boys. I can’t say that she accepted because I feel that if she had, the boys would be with me now.
Even though I was rejected, I have no regrets for wanting what I felt was best for the boys. It’s a small consolation in the face of all that has happened, yet it’s one less burden that I currently have to bear.