Tag Archives: Reflections

Love That Blog


My husband was fascinated with our blog.  And because he was a funny guy, he had to poke fun at me for blogging.  He  even gave me a nickname, “Mary J. Blog.”  Everytime something happened in our life whether big or small he would inquire tongue-in-cheek , “Are you going to blog about it?!”  

Sometimes he would do something goofy on purpose and ask me to write about it.  Or he would make a series of silly faces and beg me to take pictures of him to upload.   He got a good laugh out of teasing me about my hobby.

He always wanted to know if I blogged about him.  So I showed him a few of the posts which made him beam with pride.  He was my number one fan and really loved everything I did. 

Sometimes he’d say he was going to start a blog of his own  if he felt that I was spending to much time on the computer.  I thought it was rather cute that he was jealous!  I told him that Rhonda and I would love to have him as a guest writer, a thought which caused us both to erupt with laughter!

Silent Night


Our house is much quieter with the absence of the boys and my husband.  Silence can be so very loud.  However, I attempt to use this time to listen to and be with God.

I have already prepared dinner–Brazilian Shrimp Stew (delicious!).  After eating we will each take showers, drink homemade hot chocolate with freshly whipped cream, and play a game of Scrabble.

Then it’s early to bed for the little ones.  I am excited for Jazmine because this is her first interactive Christmas.  I promised her mom lots of photos!  Nicholas I know will be up at the crack of dawn to open presents.

While the kids are sleeping I’ll stay awake enjoying the solitude and the memories of days past.



Sometimes I look back and wonder exactly where I went wrong in this whole ordeal with Eliza.  Now that I’ve had to time to figure out what my “crimes” were, I must say that I am guilty as charged.


In hindsight I realize that I was a little too eager to make our relationship known to the world. I paid little attention to how she might have felt.  I mistakenly assumed that she had accepted the divorce and moved on with her life.  Boy was I so wrong!  From her point of view I’m sure I came off as Ms. Goody-Goody–ready and willing to step in and take her place.  


The first time I met her I smiled and extended my hand in greeting.  Eliza glared at me disdainfully and ignored my gesture.  She declined to say hello.  In that moment I understood I was the perceived enemy. I was a little alarmed by her lack of decorum, but at the time, I really didn’t take her rebuff to heart.  In my ignorance I figured she would eventually soften when she saw how well I treated her children.  Wrong again!!!  This approach had the opposite effect.  It seemed the more I bonded with the boys, the more irate she became.  Later down the line Eliza accused me of wanting her boys for my own. 


Another offense I committed was my refusal to be scared off.  I have to give it to Eliza; she really had some creepy, morbid, desperate weapons in her arsenal that would have caused a saner girl to break camp.  I know that my diligence puzzled her especially considering she had successfully ran off several other women he had attempted to date.  My dogged determination to stay with my husband only served to fuel her fire.  She was willing to do anything to get rid of me.


 Any time that they had court dates, save one or two when I just couldn’t alter my schedule, I was there.  It didn’t matter that my husband had actually requested my presence.  My presence was a constant reminder to her that she was no longer his wife.  My courtroom cameos were an affront  to Eliza.  It meant that I was overstepping boundaries and “meddling in her business.”  She told my husband several times “out of respect do not bring your wife or whatever you want to call her any where near me.”  Seeing us together must have seemed like I was rubbing salt in her wound of a failed marriage.  This was not my intention; but now I can see why it could have felt that way to her at the time.  Really, I was simply a thorn in her side.  She and my husband had many separations during their short time together.  As long as he was single, there was always a chance for reconciliation.  Our marriage was the end of this ever being a chance again.


However, I was not content to be a shadow in my own life.  I didn’t feel that it was realistic of her to expect me to be invisible for the sake of her insecurities.  My most felonious crime was being lovable in the eyes of my husband.  Our marriage aggravated her obviously low self worth.  Her solution to this problem was to compete with me.  While he might have had me, she had their two children.  Even though he divorced her, he could not truly cut ties with her because of the boys.  She constantly reminded us both of this. 


So what would I do differently you ask?  I think I would have made my self less visible—not invisible.  Perhaps I could have been gracious enough to give her the space she desperately needed to come to terms with her situation.  This action could have saved us a lot of stress down the road, who knows? 


Today I read a beautifully candid post by Thirty Something Mommy of Two Boys that details her journey at the other end of the spectrum. 

When I’m An Old Lady (author unknown)


  When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid, 
  And bring so much happiness…just as they did. 
  Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited! 
  (When I’m an old lady and live with my kids) 

When they’re on the phone and just out of reach, 
I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach. 
Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head, 
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids) 
When they cook dinner and call me to eat, 
I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat, 
I’ll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, 
And when they get angry…I’ll run…if I’m able! 
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids) 
I’ll sit close to the TV, through the channels I’ll click; 
I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick. 
I’ll take off my socks and throw one away, 
And play in the mud ’til the end of the day! 
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids) 
And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh; 
I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes. 
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping, 
And say with a groan, ‘She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!’


God Bless

All Moms