Tag Archives: pregnancy

Oh, Had I a Golden Thread

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My sweet little niece Jada was born last week.  She is sooooo pretty!  All I could do was stare at her delicate face as she slept.  Jada was also born with Down’s Syndrome.

A week before her mom went into labor the doctor informed them that there was a possibility the baby could have it and that her labor would likely be induced to prevent a stillbirth.  There was also a chance of her being born with deformities. After I heard the news I immediately prayed and asked others to pray with me. 

When they told me she was fine I felt relief.  I had to see for myself so we went to visit her as soon as I got home from work. And she looked perfect to me. She did not have the signs of a baby with this genetic disorder–no flaps of extra skin, the flattened nose, or the almond-shaped, droopy eyes.  I immediately thanked God.  Jazmine was sooooo excited and was talking a mile a minute as she paraded around the hospital room telling me all the things she was going to do with “her” Jada. 

A couple of days later the results came back and it was positive. My heart deflated like a balloon.  What in the world would those two do with a baby with mental challenges? I  already help them out a lot financially.  More importantly, how would they handle it emotionally? 

So I thanked God that she was at least born with life.  But this diagnosis still feels so heavy.  When her mom told me I didn’t know how to form my mouth to offer some comfort.  What do you say in a situation like this?  All I was able reply was that it was going to be okay and that they had my support. 

I asked her how they were coping.  She said “I’m okay with it, she’s still my baby girl.”  She said my brother had accepted it as well after a few tears.  At that moment I felt such utter gratitude and respect for them both.  I doubt that I would have welcomed the results with an ounce of their graciousness.  Jada is lucky to have parents who love her unconditionally.

Since then I have contacted the local Down’s Syndrome chapter and requested information for them, did some research for myself, and I plan on buying them a book for parents of children with this condition.  There is no way I can “fix” this so I did the only thing I know how to do–help them become informed.

However, I am still struggling with this. Why them?  We get so comfortable assuming that all children will be born completely healthy and that is not always the case. Now I must find the strength to pray that God may equip them both with knowledge, patience, and diligence required to raise a child with special needs.

Oh, Had I a Golden Thread (Eva Cassidy version)

Oh, had I a golden thread
And a needle so fine
I’d weave a magic strand
Of rainbow design
Of rainbow design

In it I’d weave the bravery
Of women giving birth
In it I’d weave the innocence
Of the children over all the earth
Children of all the earth

Far over the water,
I’d stretch my magic band
To every city,
To every single land
To every land

Show my brothers and my sisters
My rainbow design
Bind up this sorry world
With hand and heart and mind
Hand and heart and mind

Oh, had I a golden thread
And a needle so fine
I’d weave a magic strand
Of rainbow design
Of rainbow design

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The Little Things

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I need to go back into my past so everyone will understand this post, (by the way this is still a touchy subject for me) but none the less, here goes anyway…

After I married my husband we started trying to get pregnant.  However, we were not having any luck.  I made an appointment to see my doctor after six months of trying.  I figured it may have something to do with my horrible cycles.  I have always had really bad cycles.  My then doctor never ran any tests to see if there was a problem.  It wasn’t until I changed doctors and insisted that my new doctor get to the bottom of my painful menstral cycles that they started taking my issues seriously.  Luckily for me she did and sent me to a specialist.

The specialist ran so many tests it seemed like I was at her office three times a month.  Finally I got the answers I had been searching for.  She found Endometriosis, cysts, and fibroids.  I had to go see the specialist every 3 months to get an ultrasound to check the status of the cysts and the fibroids.

The first surgery I had was to remove a cyst the size of a grapefruit.  That’s when she found the Endometriosis.  I was given medicine for the pain.  (Years later) The second surgery I had was to remove another cyst and both tubes because of scar tissue.  That’s when she found the fibroids.  A year later my fibroids had tripled in size.  My doctor gave me a few options but none of those seemed right for me.  My whole objection was to stop the pain and the growth of the cysts, fibroids, and the Endometriosis. 

 

 The only way to get rid of everything was to have a hysterectomy.  So I requested to have one.  My doctor did not want me to have the surgery because I was childless.  I had already given up on that dream a few years back when my tubes were removed.  She wanted to do Invetro.  I didn’t want to, too may complications.  My husband was very understanding and not at all selfish when I said I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had a partial last June and I have to say that I am so relieved I went ahead with the surgery.  No more painful cycles.  No more taking two days off work every month because I could not get out of bed.

My only sorrow was the fact that I did not have any biological children.

Oh, but isn’t God a great God?  He blessed me and my husband with Ian and Imani!

Today was Imani’s first day of school.  Ian goes in two days.  I was so emotional this morning when we dropped her off at preschool.

For the first time since being with my husband, I get to be and do what I want.  I don’t have that privilege with Kierra.  I took the kids to the doctor.  I registered them for school.  I took them school shopping.  I picked out Imani’s outfit for her first day of school.  I wrote Imani’s name on her green folder that goes in her book bag.  I picked out her blanket and pillow for nap-time. I get to set up parent/teacher conferences.  I get to go on their field trips.  I just get to be mom to two children that do not have a mom.  And in return they get to have a mom that does not have any children.

This may not seem like a big deal but it sure is to me.  It’s the little things that make all the difference to me.