I’ve been down and out for a long while now. Depression, mourning, and simple hardships can really wear on one’s soul. But today a thought crossed my mind–I have the choice to be positive about life. It will be my challenge to find beauty in the piles of ashes.
One thing I have started doing is listing three things daily that I am grateful about. I already have two for the day:
And maybe one day soon, the tide will change for me.
2008 has been quite a year for me. I never imagined that I would lose both my mother and my husband in the same year. But as painful, terrifying, and debilitating as it is, I know I will make it. The truth of the matter is that we can live without lost loved ones even when our carnal flesh feels we can’t.
If that wasn’t the case I would have died my first death when my grandmother died in 1994.
And again when my uncle died in 2001.
And again when my great-aunt died in 2002.
And again when my aunt died in 2004.
And I would have died twice this year alone.
I was very close to each one of them.
Yet I’m still here. I have had many comatose moments in the pit of despair since he’s been gone. I am crawling out of it at a snail’s pace. At my lowest points I feel that I can’t go on. However, I know these thoughts are strictly from the devil. He wants me to believe that I can’t exist without him which spawns depression and suicidal thoughts. But the devil is a liar.
No matter what you are going through, and I can guarantee that you will go through something in the year to come, just remember you can make it! I hope to grow and learn from my trials . What else is there to do? Eventually I hope to use my testimony to help other widows and stepmoms through this difficult time. And as long as I am alive, I have a chance to do this. I have lived through a lot of strife in my short time. You can, too!
I hope everyone has a blessed year in 2009!