Tag Archives: forgiveness

On Forgiving Others


A Christian will find it cheaper to pardon than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, and the waste of spirit. –Hannah More

It is hard for us to forgive those who we feel have wronged us.  This article talks about the importance of forgiving the ex in your life.  This is sometimes an issue for many blended families.  I also found another  that article addresses this topic as well.

Pray Back


Even though Rhonda wisely cautioned me not to open Pandora’s box, I did.  When writing the post Her Footstool, it wasn’t enough for me to recall the hurtful comments that Eliza had left on our voicemail three years ago in her “footstool” sermon.  And because I have quite a memory for detail, there was really no need for me to dig out the old tapes and listen to that message or any of the other ones that I did for that matter.  I guess in a way, it was a test.  I wanted to see if I was truly “over” the past.  Unfortunately I did not ace the test.  I only listened to five or so of the messages, but it was enough for the old wounds to fester and burn.


Listening to her biting lies and fanatical commentary really cut me.  It was like reliving the nightmare over again.  I recalled many of the things she did, not only to me and my husband, but her crazy attempts to involve Nicholas as well.  I contemplated how and why things got so bad.  I wondered how one person could have so much hatred for another.  I was indignant at her nasty, superior tone laden with accusations.  In her “footstool” sermon she declared “my kids don’t even like you.”  That instantly upped my ire.  She knew as well as I did that they were conditioned not to like me.  In short they were forbidden to like me.  I finally had to put the tapes away.  I had heard enough.


 This past Sunday when I took Ethan down to visit her; I was in a weird kind of mood.  After they chatted for a while I sent him to gather snacks for the three of us. I took that moment to share with her something that I thought she needed to hear.  In a sober tone I said “Recently I came across some of the old voicemails that you left for me.  Those tapes have further confirmed for me that it is only with the grace of God that we are sitting here today.  It has been nothing but God behind this.”  This wasn’t what she expected to hear.  I figured she would rapidly change the topic, but she responded by agreeing with my statement.  She also admitted that she probably has done some mean things to me due to my loyalty to her ex, my husband.  She also said that she did not know me back then.  Eliza finished by preaching about Matthew 7:5.  Touche, I stand corrected. 


For the rest of the visit we played our customary game of Scrabble.  I allowed her and Ethan to carry the conversation.  At the conclusion of the visit I gave her a heartfelt hug just to let her know that I did not hold anything against her.  She hugged me back tightly and told me for the first time in person “Morocco, thank you for bringing Ethan down, thanks for the snacks…I appreciate all you do.”


I was not expecting any grand revelations from her about what I said to her.  I knew she would be too proud to apologize.  Believe it or not, an apology is not what I wanted.  I think I wanted her to simply acknowledge the things that she did.  Once Eliza is released from prison I’m sure I will never have her ear again.  She won’t have to listen to me.


I experienced a lot of emotions on the drive home.  I felt so vexed that I had to email a good friend for her support and advice.  Stacy, formerly of the Perfect Blend, really helped put things into perspective for me.  She also suggested that I do an exercise creating a timeline of the events that transpired with Eliza.  With each event she suggested that I write about how each one made me feel.  I started working on it yesterday. 


I don’t know why it has been so hard for me to forgive Eliza, especially when Jesus so freely forgave us and still continues to do so.  There is no sin that can’t be forgiven…70X7 is what I believe he said.  With this in mind I have made up my mind to let go of the past once and for all.  I know that I don’t have the right not to forgive her. 


Initially after hearing the tapes I felt a surge of vengeance.  I could hear James Brown in my head singing his song about retaliation.  I wanted payback.  But after having the space to think about things I realized that I don’t really want to pay her back.  That would just keep the bitter cycle going.  Besides, she is already suffering enough and wanting her to hurt more is just cruel. 



Instead I am choosing to “pray her back.”  After my exercise is completed, I am going to pray her back for each incident on the timeline.  I am going to pray consistently that God change her heart.  I’m praying that she experiences the true glory of God. But I will be praying for myself as well.  I am going to pray that God gives me the strength and grace needed to be as quick as He is to forgive others.  I am praying that I am finally able to release the hurt that has caused me to have an unforgiving spirit once and for all.




The concept of grace has been on my mind a lot lately.  In fact, I just finished reading two books that deal with this very subject, Grace After Midnight: A Memoir by Felecia Pearson and David Ritz and A Pace of Grace  by Linda Kavelin Popov.  I don’t think that this is a coincidence either.  Grace, I know, has many definitions.  Grace can be described as favor or goodwill, mercy, clemency, or pardon.  But the definition that appeals to me the most is the one that defines it as “the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.”   God is my strength and this is proven everyday.  When it is all said and done I know that I have led a blessed existence. 

It was only with God’s grace that I was finally able to gather the courage to go to my doctor’s appointment for a diabetes test, something that I have been putting off for two years.  His strength propelled me forward.

He gives me the strength I need to responsibly raise Jazmine, Nicholas, Ethan, and Evan along side my husband. 

He allows me to deal with Eliza in a peaceful manner.

Only His grace allows me to admit when I am wrong or have wronged others.

When I forgive others I am exhibiting His grace.

He gives me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change.

With his grace I am able to bear living without my mother.

Grace allows me to see beauty in my sorrows.  The grace of God has moved mountains for me.  In the darkness of my days the sun still seeps through.  For he has promised…I will give thee the treasures in darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I, the LORD, which call thee by thy name, am the God of Israel.

His Grace…

It allows me to teach where I do to the best of my ability, despite the many shortcomings of the district.  Through his grace I have made a difference.

His grace has awakened me for the last thirty years-thank you Lord!

I don’t deserve it but He gives it to me freely regardless–even when I don’t feel it, it’s there.

His grace saves the day.  Sadly, I am not always a gracious being, this I know.  But He has placed it on my heart to be more so.  He is watching and I am determined not to fail.

Therefore I am in practice.  I want to be a graceful person in every sense of the word.  Mind.  Body.  Soul.