Today my son turned 13. Where did the time go?!
In addition to our new home, we have something else new dwelling among us –a beautiful, bouncing baby boy! His name is Che and he is perfect! He has totally brought light into our dark days. He is the smallest of the sultans in the Queendom of Morocco! His nickname is the Emperor!
I We just looooove him to pieces!
Yesterday Kierra went to the doctor for her scheduled ultrasound. She has to have another surgery. The first one was ten months ago. Kierra is really down about this. She has had a series of unfortunate events (as she refers to things happening in her life at this point).
A girl she knows at school stole her IPod Touch from her bag when she went to run an errand for the teacher. A few of her classmates saw the girl with the IPod. The girl’s locker was searched but the IPod never turned up. Kierra said the girl was following her making comments about Kierra getting her in trouble. I’m happy Kierra had enough sense to keep moving and not feed into her harassment.
Shortly thereafter her cell phone broke and had to be sent away to get fixed. She went crazy that whole week without it.
Last week Kierra attended a basketball game at her high school. Their team hit the game winning shot at the buzzer. She was trampled as spectators ran from the stands to congratulate the team. In the process her glasses were broken. She was pushed into the ropes and received a ropeburn to her neck. She also suffered from headaches until she received new glasses because she couldn’t see.
A couple days ago she lost her cell phone. We just used the insurance to replace her broken phone. We will have to pay more money to get a replacement. So she will have to wait. Husband said she needed to learn to take care of her things.
Now she just learned that she has to have surgery the day after her birthday. Kierra is not a happy camper right now.
The bright side to the whole situation is that she will be with us. Her surgery falls on the beginning of her spring break with us. She was concerned that she would not be able to be with us and the posibility that she would not get to see my brother, his wife, and the kids when they arrive in town. Husband assured her that she would indeed be with us unless Christine forces Kierra to stay with her.
I talked to Kierra on the phone last night for quite awhile. My hopes were to lift her spirits about the surgery and all the happenings in her life. We joked about my weak stomach. She asked me how I was going to be able to take care of her when everything grosses me out. I laughed and assured her that I could handle it. If not, Nana (my mom who is a nurse) would be on hand. Kierra laughed and called me a cheater.
We also discussed possible ways to celebrate her birthday. Kierra (who will be 15) wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese before the surgery was scheduled! I told her that she could invite some of her friends over to watch movies and hang out with her for awhile and that next weekend we would go to Chuck E. Cheese if she was feeling up to it.
She seemed to be in better spirits by the end of our call. I’m going to continue to lift her up.
A few weeks ago my school held Parents-in-Touch night. I have a 150 students. I only met with 22 parents. In my seven years of teaching, I’ve come to find that many parents are really not “in touch” with their children. They are quite clueless as to who their children are. Anything revealed at a conference should not be news to the parent.
Some of the parents I conferenced with had no idea that their child was failing one or more classes. One memorable parent staunchly defended her son’s poor work and study habits. She informed me that it was my job to call her when he missed an assignment. “He know I’m crazy!” (I didn’t disagree with her on that self-assessment), she passionately cried to explain why his low grade had to be my fault.
I attempted to show her his many zeros, but she was not very interested. Apparently I was more to blame than he. She never mentioned the fact that I had contacted her earlier in the school year to warn her that he was not doing any work. Or that midterms serve as a warning as well. Nevermind the talking to your child part.
Part of our job as parents is to know the kids we are raising. By knowing them, we are staying in touch with them. When you know them, you don’t waste valuable time playing the blame game because you already know the score.
I even wonder from time to time if the parent and I are referencing the same child. Teachers often see a side to children that the parents might not necessarily see. Not because of bad parenting per say because it could be a myraid of things.
Last year Nicholas gave me a note from his teacher that said he was playing in the bathroom with another student. After reading it, I asked him why he was playing around. Intially he attempted to say that he was not. But because I know my child, I knew well enough that he was. Nicholas can be too playful at times. And sometimes that’s just what nine-year-olds do. Had I had the attitude “my child can do no wrong” I would have lost a valuable teaching moment to remind him about how he is to behave at school.
Teachers do not enjoy being the bearer of bad news, trust me. If we could report only good news about your child, we would!
Here are a few ways that parents can stay in touch with their children and have a productive parent/teacher conference:
Spend real time with your kids: This might sound like a no brainer, but it isn’t always easy to do. I am often with Nicholas, but not really spending time with him for various reasons. Therefore I try to incorporate him into things such as helping me cook. In this time I am able to kill two birds with one stone by doing something I have to do (cooking) with something that I love to do (spending time with Nicholas). Sometimes I will even have him read the newspaper to me while I fold laundry or load the dishwasher. These times make for interesting conversation.
Get to know their friends: Nicholas loves to see me interact with his friends and their parents. It might not be for an extended period of time, but it shows him that I care about who is interested in. I think this also helps him choose freinds wisely because he knows that we are paying attention.
Realize that all kids have strengths and weaknesses: As much as we love our little ones, they are still human. I know that Nicholas can be very talkative, is a bit immature at times, and will rush through his work if not monitored. On the otherhand, he is extremely articulate, fun-loving, and always in pursuit of adventure. Notice that these are the same traits just worded differently. I never tell him that he talks too much because I want him to use that skill in a more positive light. But nevertheless, I am aware of his limitations.
Volunteer at their school: Almost everyone at Nicholas’ school knows me as “Nicholas’ mom or Mrs. Morocco.” When I have time off of work I make sure to pop in for a visit or to volunteer for a few hours. I try to do most of my “volunteering” at home because of my work hours. I collect box tops, donate for school events, and help organize field trips. When Ethan’s science class conducted an experiment using Diet Coke, I happily contributed. I am currently saving paper towel rolls for a future project for that particular class.
Show support: One simple way to do this is by attending school functions. Even if your children are not involved in a particular sport or activity, you can still attend school events to express your school spirit as a parent and help foster your child’s. Next week we have a Math Family Night that we are all looking forward to attending at Nicholas’ school.
Be aware of academic ability: It’s important for you to know your child’s academic strengths and weaknesses. I have always been very strong in English and very weak in math. Fortunately Nicholas is balanced in all areas. However, if you know this ahead of time, you can suppplement the weak areas with tutoring, extra practice, or monitoring the progress being made in that particular subject area. It’s true, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Teach Good Study Habits: Because Nicholas makes excellent grades he feels that this exempts him from studying. Therefore, I have spent a lot of time teaching him the importance of having good study skills. I try to point out that he won’t know everything all of the time. I have also taught him how to break studying down into more digestable parts. Cramming is such a bad, bad practice!
Work with, not against: In most cases issues with the teacher can be resolved. If you receive bad news about your child, don’t immediatedly get defensive. I like when parents are proactive and ask what we (student, parent, teacher) can do to remedy the situation. It makes no sense to report a problem without brainstorming a soluton. We are not the enemy or out to “get” your child. Working together works.
Teach Self-advocacy: Many students are afraid to ask questions when they are confused about the material and they shouldn’t be! Encourage your children to speak up for themselves. I like to tell my kids that I have many talents but mind reading is not one of them! I can’t always look at a child and immediatedly know if they need help–especially so when you ask and they decline. Let your children know that it is perfectly okay to need assistance!
Yesterday was Nicholas’ first football game. The weather was nice and crisp and the players were excited. Nicholas looked so handsome in his gear.
The Tigers were leading 25 to 0. Nic was playing the position of defensive end. His job was to stop the other team from scoring. My son is a fast runner and was doing a good job keeping this huge kid at bay.
Until…the kid tackled him so hard that Nic flew at least a couple feet into the air! My heart was racing because he did not get up immediatedly. I jumped to my feet but my husband and his brother remained seated. I was ready to race onto the turf (my husband looked horrified at this notion) when the coach helped him walk off the field. He looked like the hit really hurt!
My husband said that he only got the wind knocked out of of him! He was limping a bit but he appeared okay so I sat down.
My baby, the football player.
I found this telling poem written by William Pitt Root in a book called I Feel a Little Jumpy Around You.
A man and his wife are estranged.
They have a child
The child returns from a visit
with the father
carrying a sack of candy
the mother sees and takes
and throws away.
The child cries, the mother cries,
the father, if he knew,
The father knows.
His wife has told him
of that illness, often.
How the hands chill,
the eyes glaze.
But the father loves the child
and the child loves the father.
Neither has a full knowledge of love
and there are things
to be put in love’s place.
So the child cries, the mother cries,
and the father, if he knew,
Imani and I had an interesting but funny conversation the other day.
I heard her singing extremely loud (I wonder where she got that from) in the bathroom while washing her hands. She was singing the ABC song really slow. I told her to hurry up and come out. Instead of turning the water off when I told her to come out she had to finish the song.
I asked her what she was doing. She told me that her teacher said that she had to sing the ABC song when she washes her hands. That’s fine except Imani likes to play in water. So of course she is taking full advantage of her teacher’s instructions.
I told her that it was ok to sing the song while washing her hands, maybe only at school. I did not want to tell her not to sing the song at all but I do not want her playing in water all day. She will use any excuse to play in water.
We discussed who is in charge at school and at home. She told me that her teacher was the boss at school. And that Mommy and Daddy are the bosses at home.
Then she says, “Mommy you’re the biggest boss!”
I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I’m the drill sergeant in my house. Maybe I need to lighten up a bit! LOL!
This one may be a touchy subject but I have to say what I feel. Remember, this MY OPINION!
Morocco and I were discussing a situation and during our conversation the topic of single parents came up.
Let me go back to my childhood. I considered my mom to be a single parent, although I know my father. He was married to my mother until I was 11. They were separated for a few years before that. He met a woman, married her and then was not in my life. Yeah I saw him sporadically. But he did NOTHING to help my mother raise me and my brother. Oh he would make many promises but that was all he offered. I am 34 years old and he still owes my mom child support! And I still do not see him or hear from him often. Like I said before my dealings with him are sporadic.
So for a major part of my life I had no father. He did not attend any of my school functions. He did not call. He did not come to see us. Nothing! When I was about 17 he and his wife had a daughter. Then he wanted to show up and show off. I was not feeling it. My brother went to visit but I kept my distance for awhile.
Curiousity won the battle. I wanted to see how he lived. His wife had two boys from previous relationships. They called my father Dad. I was so hurt by this. Not because they referred to him as Dad but because they knew him as Dad–if that makes sense?
What exactly is a single parent? I hear a lot of women say they are single parents and that they do everything by themselves. I have a HUGE problem with this statement. When I think of a single parent I picture a person doing Everything on their own. Whether it be a mom or dad.
Maybe mom or dad is deceased. Maybe the mom or dad just took off and never looked back. Maybe the dad doesn’t know that he even has a child. Maybe the mom made darn sure the father is not in the child’s life.
There could be a number of reasons why a person could be considered a single parent. But I feel as though if both parents ARE in the child’s life (not together) and supporting the child, financially and emotionally, that they are NOT single parents!
Anyway back to my rant…
My mom worked hard to make sure we had necessities, with no help from my father. So I feel as though she has a right to say that she was a single parent. Although I have not heard her refer to herself as a single parent. She did what she had to do to raise us.
Then I hear women (like Christine and Eliza) rant and rave as if they are the ONLY ones doing and helping raise their children when there is a father in the picture. One that goes above and beyond child support for thier kids. I’m sorry but I don’t see that being single parenting.
Again, this is my opinion!