Category Archives: Paint it Black

I Hope This Works!

Standard

Over the weekend, I am going to try a DIY project in the form of Giani granite countertop paint.  Of course, the website makes the finished result look great.  It doesn’t hurt that this product has been featured on The Today Show either.  I am nervous though! I really hope this turns out okay!  I paid $65 for the kit, so if it works, it will have saved me over a $1000, the cost to have new countertops installed.

 I will be sure to post before and after pictures.

I Even Dream of Them

Standard

I had another weird dream.  This time it was about Jazmine.  Eliza’s sister (who has the boys) took Jazmine from me (as she did with the boys).  She told my aunt that she could keep Jazmine during the summertime.

Maybe this means that Eliza’s sister will allow my SIL to keep the boys for the summer. Who knows?  These people continue to haunt me…

I Bet She’s Happy

Standard

Call me crazy, but I thought that Eliza would want the boys to stay with me for many reasons, namely because:

  1. They were in a stable environment
  2. They have been through a lot
  3. It is their home
  4. She knew that  I would continue escorting them to visit her
  5. I love them and have their best interests at heart
  6. I have treated her kindly and with respect
  7. I encouraged the kids to continue their relationship with her

So when they were taken from me, needless to say, I was very hurt and devastated.  I felt betrayed in a sense.  Every letter that she wrote in praise/support/encouragement of me must have been false.  She was only hugging me to find the best spot to stab me in the back.

She didn’t even have the courtesy to send her sympathies.

Why would she want them with her unstable siblings?  She and her sister do not have a good relationship and are quite jealous of one another.  In fact, at one visit she confided in me that she actually hates her sister.  Not to mention, her sister barely cares for her own two children.  I don’t see how she would be able to take them to visit Eliza on a regular basis considering that she lives many states away.

And her brother–forget about it!  The kids would be better off being raised by a pack of wolves than him.  That would be like appointing my brother, Jazmine’s father, to raise Nicholas if something happened to me!  This is too scary to even imagine.  Though my brother is my kin, I know emphatically that he would not be the best candidate to raise my son.  I’d much rather him be with a nonrelative than a relative with a lack of morals, human decency, and common sense.

Here’s why I think she would want her family to have them:

  1. She feels that they owe her as both were indirectly involved in her crime
  2. They are “family”
  3. I’m not “family” and she could care less about Nicholas
  4. Her sister will probably accept her collect calls
  5. She doesn’t have to deal with me i.e. via mail or in person, in other words, she won’t have to pretend to like me
  6. She is still nursing a grudge
  7. She never wanted them to have a relationship with me in the first place and does not want them to love me
  8. She doesn’t like to share
  9. She wants her family to keep any “benefits” (social security) in the family
  10. She is willing to sacrifice their wellbeing/happiness in order to punish me
  11. She doesn’t care about my feelings
  12. It’s hard to villify the person caring for your kids
  13. I am a reminder that her first marriage did not work
  14. She detested my husband
  15. She detests me

It seems that things have worked in her favor.  Eliza would have to know that my heart is broken into a million little pieces which I’m sure the very thought fills her with joy.  She does not have to fight for custody of the boys after she is released.  Nor does she have to pay the court-ordered child support that has been accumulating since her incarceration.  Finally she will have the kids all to herself!

I know I have to let it go because it is out of my control–something easier said than done.  I’m really having a hard time with everything.  However, I had the feeling last night that I should pray for them, Eliza and her siblings. You are supposed to pray for the people who persecute you. 

And I will continue to pray that God will protect Ethan and Evan from any harm.

Left Behind

Standard

I feel like we have been abandoned, me, Nicholas, and Jazmine that is. 

The very same day of my husband’s death from a heart attack, Eliza’s brother came knocking.  I saw him approaching the walkway and became anxious.  His arrival portended evil.   He was his usual pompus, surly self.  Luckily my aunt and cousin were home with us so I didn’t have to face him alone. 

When my aunt answered the door he demanded to speak with me.  She informed him that I was not feeling up to seeing any visitors so he asked to speak to my husband.  She told him that my husband was not available.  He then asked if he had passed–not your logical follow-up question.  My aunt acknowledged that he did in which he replied, “When he die, a month ago? Did he committ suicide?” 

I was stung by his indecency and began screaming and crying for him to leave.   He yelled that Ethan was his blood and that he carried his last name (he doesn’t).  My cousin ushered him away from the door.  I grabbed the phone and called the police.  I wanted him away from our house ASAP.

When the police arrived he stood outside attempting to manipulate them into believing that he was only there to console his nephew.  He claimed he had no idea that my husband had died.  Two big, burly guys joined his side.  The police  didn’t buy his story especially after eyeing his bouncers and wrote up a trespassing report.  They also put extra patrol in our neighborhood.  The rest of the night him and his sister called without ceasing.  She left many ridiculous messages stating that she only wanted her nephew because I was not “family.”  Wow and ouch was all I could think.  Just a stepmom…

I also received calls from Eliza’s aunt and cousin, who both said that they felt the boys rightfully belonged with me as did the rest of their family.  I asked why the aunt and uncle were behaving like vultures.  Her cousin replied that they probably wanted the money that the boys would draw from his death.  This thought never occurred to me.  The aunt also felt that they were probably carrying out Eliza’s wishes–another troubling thought.  How could Eliza not know how well I cared for the boys?

Monday morning I called the court and informed them of our situation.  The clerk expressed her sympathy and told me that she would do all she could to help keep the kids with me.  She felt that the judge would not want to move them anyhow.  The clerk also told  me to quickly file a document with my intentions.  I had an appointment with the funeral home so I figured I had time to go on Tuesday.  How wrong was I!

Later that evening I got a call from the residential facility saying that  Evan’s aunt and uncle were on their way to discharge him from the hospital.  According to the director, they had valid court papers.  They had went to a probate court judge and was issued an emergency order.  I was dumbfounded, especially considering that our particular case was only to be heard by one judge because he was so familiar with it.  When I broke the news to Evan on Sunday, he was so broken that it was obvious that he was in no condition to leave at such a crucial time.  Evan had asked me to take him home immediatedly, but I was able to convince him to wait until they adjusted his medicine.  I promised that I would pick him up in two weeks.

I called their uncle and pleaded with him not to take him out because he was not at all stable.  He finally relented.  A few hours later he called so that Evan could speak to Ethan.  He lied and had discharged him despite my pleadings!  He then demanded that I hand over his other nephew at almost 12am.  Again, I begged him to wait for a decent hour.  He hung up on me.  A few hours later I heard a lot of banging on the door and saw bright lights  shining into the house.  I became very afraid and called the police.  The operator checked to see if it was the police and determined that it was.

When I opened the door I recognized one of the officers who had been to our house frequently for runs regarding Eliza.  He greeted me and showed me the paperwork.  He seemed bothered that he had to do this particular task.  I had Ethan come out of his bedroom and he looked very scared.  They walked  him down to his new guardians.

I considered fighting them in court, but decided against it.  The probate judge who issued the order died two days after signing the paperwork.  I have been threatened so much that my family and I determined that for our safety I should not.   Their uncle told my SIL that bad things would happen to me if I tried to fight for the kids.   And I know that my husband would not want me living under such fear and pressure. 

It was and still is a difficult decision that I have yet to come to terms with.  I really wanted them here with us.

Two days after the funeral their uncle had the nerve to call and offer his condolences because he said he “liked me!” Once again I became undone as I heatedly inquired why the boys were not allowed to attend their father’s service.  He offered a few lame excuses and I hung up midway through his glib speech.

I have not heard from the boys or  Eliza.  I suspect that they may be in another state with their aunt.   

It’s been a long, hard, mournful month.  Jazmine constantly asks about my husband.  Nicholas has kept pretty quiet.  I don’t think any of us understand, but I do know that we sorely and surely miss all three.