Weigh In


Topic: Alcoholics

Question: Is it true that a drunken mind speaks a sober heart?

My Opinion: I do believe that people under the influence speak freely as their tongue is “loosened” up.  Besides, they must have some basis in which to say the things that they do.  Here is an example that I found online:

Saturday my husband and I went to a party and he was drinking all day. We were getting along great at the party but on the way home we were talking and all of a sudden he got really nasty. He started bad mouthing me, my family and my friends. We have been married for a little over a year but have been together for about 5 1/2 years. He told me that I haven’t made him happy in the 5 1/2 years that we have been together and I don’t act like a proper wife and all I care about is myself. He was saying a lot of really hurtful things especially about my family, which I do not tolerate. He told me that my friends and family are worthless and I’m not allowed to see them unless he is there. I was so confused and had no idea where this was all coming from especially since we were having so much fun together at the party. I was so furious that when we got home I went for a walk around the neighborhood for about an hour just to think. When I got home he had the door bolt locked with a chair up against it so I couldn’t get in. Thankfully I had my keys and after a few tries pushing on the door I was able to move the chair. He was passed out drunk on the sofa. I have only said about a dozen words to him the remainder of the weekend and he has not apologized once for the hurtful things that he said to me. I haven’t been wearing my wedding ring either but I don’t even know if he notices. This isn’t the first time that he has bad mouthed my friends and family when he is drunk. I am seriously considering leaving but I am scared. I just don’t know how to leave and I am afraid that I am going to regret leaving but I can’t stay in a relationship like this. I just don’t understand why he says such mean things when he is drunk. Is it because he is thinking it when he is sober?
What are your thoughts on this subject (if you can take a drunk person’s words to heart)?

10 responses »

  1. I think this woman should get out NOW while she can. If they don’t have kids together, the time is all the better. If he hasn’t apologized for it, it means he really meant it. She need to get over her fear paralysis about being alone before he actually paralyzes her with his fist. The next step in this level of freaky, crazed verbal abuse is physical abuse.

    How many Lifetime movies do we have to watch to learn this lesson?

  2. Like I’ve taught my kids. Being drunk is not an excuse. If you can’t hang when you’re drinking- be responsible and don’t drink as much or at all. I agree that the time to go is now. Loss of memory isn’t an excuse, neither is the fact that he drank too much. Obviously she doesn’t mean much to him or he would notice that she hasn’t spoken to him or that she’s not wearing her ring.

    Time to wave goodbye as you drive away.

    • Yes, that is very true. I don’t know a whole lot about alcoholism because I have never really been around people that abuse it.

      I have noted that some drunks are rather mean like the aforemntioned man above and some are overly sentimental.

  3. Alcoholism is an illness all its own, so that component on top of other issues is not a good thing. I do not know if I believe a person is more honest while drunk. I think a person should be honest about how he or she is feeling all the time. I do know that alcohol is called, “liquid courage,” so maybe a person feels more courages to say how he or she feels while drunk. I do not trust drunks, but if I were in that woman’s shoes I would leave already!

  4. It’s strange….I have this thing with all the men in my life where early on in the relationship, I will push and push them into anger purely to see what they will do. One ex-bf told me I was sick. Whatever. I want to know who the person is under pressure. Will they hit me, verbally abuse me, withdraw? I need to know before I invest my everything.

    So to your actual question; yes, I think alcohol does have a loosening of the tongue effect and it’s a great test of just who the person is.

    In your example; if that was my situation, he would be booted to the curb before the week is out, especially if he can’t remember and blacked out (that can be a sign of advanced alcoholism, btw). If he can remember, but refuses to talk about it due to shame etc, that’s just not good enough for me.

  5. I think he is saying exactly what he means. My dad was an alcoholic- a mean one at that. Once he got drunk, he would always beat on my mother. When he was sober, he always apologized and showered my mother with love. From my experience with alcohol, even though he didn’t remember everything, he remembered enough to know that he was wrong. This man, in the above story, may be be using alcohol as an excuse to say what he wants. I agree with Malaka. His next step is physical abuse. She needs to think about her safety & start making an exit strategy.

  6. I don’t think that I would take a drunk person’s words to heart, but I would definitely take the way he is treating her to heart. I think being scared into staying in a relationship is horrible.

    From my experience with alcohol it does make the voice of reason sound blurred and I may say things that I shouldn’t, but it’s also given me liquid courage to lie about things too.

    I think actions are definitely speaking loud and clear here, and his repetitive behavior in the words he uses is backing it up. No one should be treated like that. Ever.

  7. My sister is married to someone like that. The things he has said to her are horrible. Yet she stays. We all wonder why. It is my opinion that if a person knows that they become mean when they are drunk, and the people they hurt with their mean words are the people they love, then reason would state that they make sure they don’t get drunk anymore so that they don’t hurt those they love. If they are unable to keep from getting drunk, or are unwilling, then alcoholism is probably the culprit. That lady needs to take care of herself and get out of the relationship.

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