Not For the Fainthearted

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I’ve been pondering my days as a stepmom as well as the lives of my friends who still are.  Am I glad I no longer hold that title?

Yes, I think so.  When I was a stepmom, my life was  replete with ridiculous drama.  My late husband’s ex-wife never accepted our marriage and used her kids as pawns in a sick game of revenge.  With that being said, A LOT of damage was done.  It was such an exhausting time for us all.

My friend Cher and I often discuss things that encompass being a stepmom.  It is not for the faint@heart by any means.  And she is anything but that.  She has survived cancer three times for goodness sakes! Though last year I was appalled to hear her say that she never wants to date/marry another man with kids.  The “but” is that she has a child.  I gently scolded her, however, she stood her ground.  She’s simply tired of the ignorance and malevolence that she continues to receive from her husband’s two exes.  And sick of his lack of a backbone for that matter. I couldn’t understand her point of view at the time.  It sounded selfish to me.  Now…not so much. 

I don’t want to go through what I did before. 

I don’t want to be in a competition that I did not enter. 

 I don’t want to try to win anybody’s kids over. 

I don’t want two sets of rules and confused children. 

 I don’t want the harassment, stalking, or the animosity. 

 I don’t want to be the rival, frienemy, or “cowife” of the biomom. 

Nope, I don’t even want to be the darn babysitter either.  

Nor do I want to be the liaison between  warring parents. 

 I don’t want to have to file restraining orders and request phone taps. 

I don’t want to sit around wondering and preparing myself for what she will “do next.”

I don’t want to turn the other cheek.

The only drama I want is on the silver screen, not with the “baby momma. “Been there, done that and look what it got me? 

*Nothing* 

His death, their leaving, and the ugliness of the situation took something with me.  It shook my very foundation.  I don’t have it to give anymore.  My heart has grown faint.

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5 responses »

  1. Great post. Definitely not for the faint at heart. Plus look what it did to your son to lose 2 of his brothers. So much love given and not accepted. I’m so sorry for all you went thru!

  2. We have 357 days until we are free of the ex and yes I am counting down! I would do things differently, but my husband and stepchildren have been worth every single moment.

    I think your stepsons were so fortunate to have your influence in their lives. I know you made an impact on them that has altered their lives for the better, eternally. You are an incredible person and anyone would be blessed to have you in their life!

  3. I can see, with all you had to go through, how you would feel that way. Thank heavens your stepsons at least got the time with you that they did. They had some positive for awhile.

  4. Gosh that just sounds rough! I have several friends who are stepmoms, and it’s not easy when the other chick is a basket case. These are the very reasons why I want very little to do with whatever chick Douche Bag brings into my daughter’s life… if any woman is actually stupid enough to marry him.

    If you don’t mistreat my child, we will have absolutely NO issues. It suonds like your stepsons had a winner in you!

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