Do You?


Some people should refrain from marrying.  Sunday I was most disturbed while watching “On the Case” hosted by Paula Zahn.  This particular episode featured the story of Darren Mack, accused of killing his wife Charla, and shooting the family court judge presiding over their divorce.

Midway through the story Paula reported that one of their hobbies was “swinging.”  I’m sorry, but in my mind this activity has NO place in holy matrimony.  If you want an “open” marriage, why bother getting married in the first place?  Open marriage=oxymoron in my book of life. 

Another pet peeve of mine–people who marry with divorce in mind.  If it doesn’t work out, we can always divorce.  Divorce should be the last resort.  What if there was no such thing as divorce?  Do you think people would choose their mates more wisely?  Or would it create a surge of crimes of passion?  If you are not willing to work through your problems and put effort forth to make it work, do everyone a favor and keep your single status. 

Last week  my boss confided in me (why I was privy to this info sure beats me)about how he told his wife of 18 years he wanted her to move out.  I was surprised to say the least.  Usually the husband leaves the wife in the home.  Since he was in a sharing mood, I asked him why.  He said because she was “getting on his nerves.”  Amazing stuff.  That happens sometimes within the confines of a marriage.  It actually happens more frequently than the unenlightened would imagine.  And it only took him 18 years to come to the realization!

Man I love Nicki Minaj, I told her I’d admit it
I hope one day we get married just to say we f-cking did it
And girl I’m really serious I’m with it if you with it
Cause your verses turn me on and your pants are mighty fitted

 These lyrics are from a song called “Miss Me” by Drake, which I do like.  However, the above lines are just another example of society’s cavalier attitude toward marriage.  The reasons he gives for wanting to take her on as his wife are because she’s good with words and wears tight pants.  I know this is just a song, but I suspect there is more than a grain of truth in those lines.

All we have to do is look at Brittany Spears who married her childhood best  friend for five minutes and other celebrities who marry and divorce based on lust and looks for more evidence of our shallowness.  Is Angelina Jolie going to run off with Johnny Depp? They just made the  movie The Tourist.  Be afraid Brad, be very afraid!

Marriage is hard work.  It is not always pretty. I’m afraid we’ve taken something beautiful and made a mockery of it.  Death rarely does any union part nowadays.  It’s really heartbreaking and makes me terrified of ever marrying again.

14 responses »

  1. Morocco, I agree with you completely! If either partner or both want to have other relationships then why bother getting married. Furthermore, if divorce is the first option when trouble arises, again, why bother getting married! I am so blessed, thankful, and fortunate to have the most wonderful husband I have ever imagined! 🙂

  2. I’ve got to agree that not everyone should get married, or that perhaps that more thought should be put into it. I waited until I was 29 to get married and even then it was terrifying.

  3. I can’t imagine getting married if I already had divorce in mind. I’m determined (by the grace of God) to stay married no matter what roller coasters my feelings ride throughout the years. So far so good with five and a half years of very happy marriage. But I know there will be rocky times at some point–and in those times I will cling even tighter to God, to our promises to each other, and weather it.

  4. I agree with you. My husband and I have been married for 31 years and it hasn’t always been a bed of roses. Let me tell you!!! But we are good mates and good friends and we have invested a lifetime into our boys and we share so much. I don’t understand the whole “throw away marriage” thing that has happened upon us.

  5. I am with you…marriage is a commitment, it shouldn’t be tossed aside at the first sign of trouble. It takes two to make a marriage work. Unfortunately, so many find themselves in marriages in which only one of the partners wants to make it work. In my first marriage I tried and tried to make it work. After dealing with his Tiger Woods type of lifestyle I knew it was time for me to move on–after 13 years of marriage. It was heartbreaking to me, but necessary for my mental well-being. I am now happily married to the best husband in the world and we will celebrate anniversary #6 in June.

  6. First: HOLLA! at your open marriage = oxymoron. No doubt. Indeed, why marry?

    Second: I GASPED LOUDLY when I read about what your boss confided. That’s just awful, and, in my mind, should have been shared with their marriage counselor. What was he thinking?

    While I am not religious, I do believe that when you take an oath, whether under God or not, you stand up and support what you promised to undertake. Marriage is hard, and there are good reasons for divorce (infidelity, abuse, substance abuse being the 3 that come to mind), but divorce should not be lightly entered into. No more than marriage.

    I understand your fears, but I can’t picture you entering into a commitment with someone who wasn’t as honest, devoted, loyal, caring, and giving as you. Because you’ve known love, experiencing marriage with a good person, I imagine you’ll be able to recognize quality when it appears.

    • Suz,

      Too much information indeed! Rumor is that he likes me–ick. I agree that there are definite grounds for divorce or separation, but so many people view marriage too casually and it just kills me!

      Thanks for the vote of confidence–I sure HOPE so! I really did enjoy being married…

  7. Yep – Entering the echo chamber. I completely agree with you. Marriage is not like dating. You can’t just call it quits because you don’t like where he puts his socks or he doesn’t like that your pants aren’t tight enough.

    Only gorwn ups have any business getting married…and there are far too many children (and even some in their 40s!) running to the alter.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s