She Does Not Stop!

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Yesterday I received a call from Jazmine’s great-grandmother who resides in East Orange, New Jersey.  She was calling to see how we were doing as well as to share a portion of a letter that Jazmine’s mom (her granddaughter) had written last week.  She wrote that Eliza has been bragging to her how faithfully I brought the boys to see her!  Eliza also stated that I should do this for her considering that Jazmine is her daughter! Therefore Jazmine’s mom is bitter that I am not extending her this courtesy!

I had many concerns about this letter:

  • I have guardianship of Jazmine and therefore any requests for visitation need to be addressed to me, not her grandmother. 
  • Why is she even listening/talking to to Eliza in the first place? Also, Eliza failed to tell her that the visits she received were court ordered and that it took her an entire year to get those granted!
  • Jazmine’s mom seems to be developing an attitude of entitlement.  I guess it is not enough that I am raising her daughter on my own.  I think Eliza has manipulated her and helped cultivate this “right.” 
  • I am offended that she would try to imply that I am doing something wrong by not driving 150 miles roundtrip and using my precious weekend time to do so.  It doesn’t seem to bother her that my brother, her parents, siblings, or any of her friends have not visited her at all–or even offered to escort Jazmine.  I have visited her twice with my niece; something I did not have to do!  I also write her and send cards, pictures, detailed updates, and drawings from Jazmine.  I am only one person and I can’t do it all!  Actually, I refuse!
  • She has not attempted to improve herself during her stay there.  She has been in so much trouble that she has added 9 months to her sentence.  Therefore I do not feel obligated to inconvenience myself to soothe her obviously fragile, immature ego.  If she was so interested in parenting Jazmine, she would do what it takes to get out sooner!
  • Again, why is Eliza determined to start more fires?!!! I think she may be missing the consistent visits that I provided her with.  Now that my stepsons live in North Carolina, I doubt she gets to see them on a regular basis.  Had the boys remained with me, I would have continued to follow the court order. Though she won’t acknowledge this and instead chooses to rub this information in Jazmine’s mom’s face to make her resent me for not doing the same for her.  Once again, Eliza is talking from both sides of her mouth!

As a mother I do understand her desire to spend time with her daughter.  However, my primary concern is that I take care of Jazmine to the best of my ability.  I had nothing to do with Eliza or my niece’s mother landing in prison.  I just have the tedious task of rearing children with ungrateful parents!  All she seems concerned about is making her stay more bearable. 

I knew it was only a matter of time before Eliza rubbed off on Jazmine’s mom!

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10 responses »

  1. Morocco, you have done nothing but given, given, and given some more. If these women were doing what they should have done in the first place, neither of them would be in prison. You have gone above and beyond what I know I would have done. She needs to thank her lucky stars that Jazmine has you!

  2. I wouldn’t bust my butt to take Jazmine to see her. There is no obligation for you to do so. Just keep raising Jazmine in the positive way that you are. If any of her relatives want to take her to see her prison mommy then those arrangements can be made.

  3. I totally agree with kween. I feel so bad that you and Jazmine even have to deal with stuff like this. How sad for this little girl. If her “relatives” want to take her to prison, let them. You don’t need to nor deserve to be treated this way. Sending good thoughts your way.

  4. Morocco, you have made your life to be one of dedication to the truth. Just stay with that dedication, and all will follow. You deserve a lot of praise, so keep up the fantastic job you are doing!

  5. How honest is the grandma is my question? Did mom maybe wish she could have a visit and grandma exaggerated? I would address it head on with the mom. Point out the lies that she’s hearing from Eliza and then tell her that if grandma wishes to take Jazmine to see her that you have no objections. See how grandma likes it when the pressure to make the drive and spend the time and money is on her.

    Personally, I’m the type that would tell her the truth about how the legal situation stood with Eliza and then tell her that for as much as you’ve done for her and Jazmine that the way she handled this was unacceptable. But, that’s me- I like to address things head on.

  6. I agree with Joy. I am also sending good thoughts your way and praying for you. This thing has to end at one time or another. Hopefully it will be soon. Stay strong girl!

  7. Suzanne~

    Tell me about it!

    Stacy~

    I am still shaking my head at Eliza’s guile and Jazmine’s mom’s obviously weak mindset!

    Kweenmama~

    Absolutely! I have no problem with another responsible adult transporting Jazmine. It’s been well over a year and no one has even mentioned wanting to do so. I do enough in the daily grind of caring for a toddler and I don’t necessarily want to add more to my plate.

    Joy~

    Thanks for the encouragement!

    Doraz~

    Although I am often broken, I will never completely break! As long as I believe in myself, I think I will be okay!

    Amy~

    I actually trust Jazmine’s great-grandma. She is really sweet and honest. She was not at all happy with her granddaugter’s attitude. She lives in NJ, yet she took the time to fly to Indy so that she could see Jazmine for the first time and visit Jazmine’s mom as well. She is the only member of Jazmine’s mother’s family that keeps in contact and takes an interest in her wellbeing. She said she was going to write her back and admonish her for her lack of gratitude and for listening to someone such as Eliza.

    I wouldn’t dare give Jazmine’s mom or Eliza the satisfaction of me explaining myself. J’s mom is making a choice to take that information at face value without attempting to discern truth from fiction or even the motive behind the information. Too bad for them both!!!

    Leila~

    Thank you for the kind words! I just try to remember that “this, too shall pass!”

  8. Based on Eliza’s past history, I have been wondering if she was going to leave the past in the past and move on. I guess we have the answer to that question now. It would appear that even though you no longer have the boys with you, that she is still driven to be a pain in your side. It is a shame that Jazmine’s mom has become prey to Eliza’s con/mind games. I am sure that Eliza would feel a thrill to know that she can still affect you in a negative way via Jazmine’s mom. Jazmine’s mom knows that you having Jazmine with you is the best possible situation that little girl could be in. I have to wonder about the process that was used to inform you of this. Sometimes things are not as they appear. Why pass those feelings to you via a letter to grandma, when she could express her feelings to you directly. She could have been expressing an opinion to grandma, and grandma decided to take it to another level and contact you. You have done a lot in the past and currently by being available to help raise children who are not your own. You owe no one anything other than those who are in your household. I know Eliza is sitting back waiting to hear how she once again has been able to reach out and touch you in a negative way. To me, the best answer to all this is to do nothing and go on living life and taking care of yourself and the kids. Don’t give Eliza and Jazmine’s mom the pleasure of thinking you have been affected by the crap that comes from that prison. Let them gossip by themselves, it is all they have to look forward to. Life is too short to be pulled under someone else’s dark cloud, when you are trying hard to live life in the light.

  9. Old Friend~

    I agree with your comments. Perhaps the grandma could have just wanted me to do monthly visits so that Jazmine will know her mom when she is released. I think the grandma has good intentions, but then again, what was the point of her sharing that information with me?

    I know that Eliza will use any ploy to get to me now that we are no longer in direct contact with one another. It’s really a shame that she can’t let go of thinking that she is the victim in every situation.

    I love your final sentence because it is so true! I am attempting to live my life in the light! I wouldn’t bother to respond because no response is needed!

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