No, I’m not talking about the Australian rock band, I’m alluding to the many men who have seemingly come out of thin air to attract my attention. I have been completely overwhelmed by the number of men vying for it. Some, I’m sure, don’t have the purest of intentions.
A vast majority of my would-be suitors are people I work with. I’m sorry, but I find this incredibly tacky considering that they know my situation. It has only been four months for crying outloud! I am really disturbed by their lack of decorum. I am not interested in being pursued or going on any dates. I know that I am not giving them any signs to appraoch me; but it hasn’t deterred them yet.
Here are a few of the said men who make their interest obvious:
- The Headcase: If the world is indeed a crazy place, then Eliza’s brother is the commander-in-chief! How he would even have the audacity to think that I’d have him beats me!!!! His arrogance is offensive! In the words of Cher from the movie Clueless “As if!”
- The Head Custodian: He is a handsome older man (mid 40’s) whom I have worked with the longest. I am not interested.
- The Substitute: The female students and teachers alike describe him as gorgeous. It’s crazy the reaction that he gets because I don’t find him good-looking and he is annoying to boot. He is also a masseur. I like “manly” men, not androgynous metrosexuals. I am not interested.
- The Special Ed Teacher: Married, no need to say anymore (but if you let him tell it, he’s not happy at home, no sympathy found here!) I am not interested.
- The Former Coworker: He is fair looking, but too intense for my liking. He heard through the grapevine about my husband’s death and attended the funeral. I am not interested.
- The Neighbor: Married, no need to say anymore! I am not interested.
- The School Police Officer: Older man, not my type. He looks like Ving Rhames with a Caesar. I am not interested.
- The Mechanic: An older guy who seems nice enough. I’m not interested.
- The Sheriff’s Deputy: Another older guy (late 30’s early 40’s). He is the same one who gave my battery a jump when my car wouldn’t start. My husband and I knew him from our frequent appearances in family court. He’s weird. I am not interested.
- The Reverend: He is an older man who looks much younger than he is (66 to be exact) and was the same clergyman who baptized my husband as a child! He has not directly stated his intentions, but his actions (I relunctantly admit) do. My friend Kara calls me “Shocked and Appalled” because some things that shouldn’t surprise me just do! I mean he is way too old for me, he knows my inlaws, he is a man of the cloth—-it’s too much for me to even ponder! This one makes me the most uncomfortable.
The bottom line is I am not interested! I want to use this time to heal. If I am meant to have another person in my life, I believe it will happen naturally. At this point I am not seeking nor do I want to be saught. Some men are disgusting creatures!
Morocco's Bazaar 
It’s sad to say but some men try to take advantage of the greiving wife. Who would want to be with someone like that? I know you don’t! I find this behavior to be very thoughtless. Some may even be lending a helping hand but go about it in the wrong way.
Rhonda~
I’ve learned that some of those “helping hands” are really “roving hands.” I have grown very suspicious of men who are overly “helpful.”
Morocco, it is just another burden on your soul to have to bear. You are not in a place, right now for such actions from others. You are at a different direction than they all are. Like you said, maybe one day you will see things differently, but for now…it sounds like you suffer more with their words and actions. Like you said, in time..maybe. In situations like this, I am very aware of my feelings and I try to be sensitive to the feelings of others. Good Luck!
Oh, Morocco, it does not surprise me at all, sadly. Some people do not have any decorum and they think that it’s okay to pursue others, interested or not, even if they’re married. I’m sorry you are having to endure this. Marriage and circumstances don’t seem to deter some men, it’s rather pathetic in my opinion.
I did have a laugh at the “older men” you described, who are my age! LOL
Doraz~
And that is a big maybe! Everyone’s timing is different, but I would be ashamed of myself if I behaved like that. I don’t really think they feel as if they are doing anything inappropriate. One of the guys even said he’d want his wife to “move on” if he died! I guess this nugget of wisdom was supposed to motivate me to dive into the dating game.
Stacy~
LOL! I know, but you have to remember, I describe anyone “older” than me in this manner! But some of them I don’t know how old they are because I have never inquired. I am terrible at guessing ages! You don’t look your age at all! I wouldn’t have guessed you to be over 30.
I personally feel these men are way out of line. Especially the married ones and your Reverend. I can’t even fathom that. Take your time Morocco. Maybe we should get you a button that say’s NOT INTERESTED.
You just need time. You will never get over this but time will help you. I know it’s very hard to think time will matter but honey, it really does. The big love you had and the huge shock of it all, seems like mere minutes. It hasn’t been that long and these men should feel ashamed. Especially being they know you and know what a “lady” you are.
Take care.
of course, they are out of line. men are like that, though. be firm.
i have to tell you, this made me giggle. i love your summaries! i agree with joy about the button. i’m torn between being offended for you, and giggling at the audacity.
PS, i emailed you a picture of my version of vingh rhames with a caesar. which also, made me giggle a lot.
oh, and speaking of Men At Work, you should rent the movie. it’s with charlie sheen and emilio esteves (brothers!!). it’s hilarious. and it’s old… like the 80s? it’s funny.
Awfull situation, I don’t think that they will understand the “IGNORING” thing, nor they would stop pursuing you… I guess they feel that they are in a competition or something , where the prize is you…I don’t even know what to advice you except Ignore them as you did, hopefully u’ll get through it.
I’ve seen your picture, I can certainly understand why these men would feel an attraction to you. But, they are all WAY out of line for openly showing an interest right now. You need time, they need to let you have it.
And as far as the married men and Eliza’s brother go….hire a hit man! 😉
Wow. Nothing like batshitcrazy to put things into perspective! I guess, on some level, they were being “respectful” while your husband was alive. These don’t appear to be NEW intentions. Just new to you.
I love the repeated refrain of “I’m not interested!” Maybe we could get you a t-shirt (or cute tote bag) with those words on it. Or a button could do…
Honey, this is one time where you have to laugh. This is all too comical. Maybe Madea (Tyler Perry) could use this story. Men are SIGH just pathetic little creatures.
Now isn’t the time to point out that you’re hot, is it? 8) I’m sorry, I just had to try to lighten the moment. They are fools.
I’d have to agree with Rhonda on this one. Have you seen “The Wedding Crashers?” Apparently there are men out there that totally think that a grieving woman is the way to go. I think it’s sad. Definitely don’t let them get to you though. This is your time for sure. And if they really don’t get the hint you should just confront the next jerk that steps over the line and make him feel like a jerk for being so insensitive. It would probably help you feel better too.
Thanks everyone for the comments:
Joy~
The men I work with only see me at work when my grief is dressed in professional clothes. So maybe they think I am “okay.” However, they would think otherwise if they saw me at home!
It is still very fresh in my heart and mind. I am barely able to navigate through the day still. I wonder how they would like their wives to act in such a situation?
Yo~
Believe it or not, I do try to find the humor amidst the madness. My friend Destined says I need to get a script to “The Young and the Restless” ASAP, LOL! I might have to rent “Men at Work” over the break. And I can’t wait to see your email!
Sugardaddydating~
I think you are right about the ignoring thing. It hasn’t worked thus far. I hate to be rude, but my motto won’t change because I AM NOT INTERESTED! Hopefully the attention will die down on its own.
Kweenmama~
Well, thank you!
My husband always said that there was only one way to get rid of Eliza’s creepy brother…he really gives me the willies!!!!
My neighbor makes me feel like I live on Wisteria Lane! I very much limit my interactions with him since he has made his interest known. He is the one who helped me shovel my driveway. Who knew he had a hidden motive?!!
Suzanne~
A button or tote would be perfect! Maybe I need a button to hit like the one that Staple’s has. Instead of saying “That was easy,” it could say “I’m not interested!” I could hit it everytime one of the guys stop by my room to visit!
The weird Substitute even tried to involve the kids in his desperate dating dating scheme! Of course they ruined his plan because they can’t hold water and told me everything. Then he kept asking me when I was going to get married again! Obviously he doesn’t know that I like ”manly” men, not androgynous metrosexuals. He really repulses me with his nappy, not natty dreads, ashy little tentacles, and his too big jeans. Now that picture makes me howl with laughter!
Crys~
I have seen the “The Wedding Crashers” and I do remember that part. It is sad for people to be so self-centered that they don’t consider the feelings of others. Crys, I really try very hard to be aloof about it. I figure if I can make it until the last day of school which is May 29th, I will be okay. I will be at a new school next year and I won’t have to see this band of Desperados ever again!
I have the button just for you. It says “I choose not to participate”. It was given to me because of the recession but it seems fitting in this case. Anytime someone inquires you simply say, “In whatever you are offering!”
LOL Destined! You know I REALLY need that button to help ward off the crazies AND the men!
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