Am I My Brother’s Keeper?

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I hesitated writing this post because it is so disturbing.  However, my brother is at it again and I need to process his latest diatribe against me.  Last night I was out having dinner with a friend when my cell phone rang.  I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t answer.  But when I got home and looked at the caller ID, I saw that it was my stepfather calling from a friend’s house.

I returned his call and he immediatedly warned me not to go around my brother.  I reminded him that I rarely even see him as I have no reason to do so.  What he said next chilled me,

Your brother has a gun and he’s been talking crazy saying that he wants you deadMy dad (my brother lives with George’s foster father) and the girls (his foster sisters) called me over tonight because he was really talking shit telling them what he was going to do to you.  It scared my dad, he told me.  He said he tried to reason with my brother, which I know is pointless for you cannot reason with the unreasonable.  I was hurt and offended!  I knew what it was all about.  A few weeks back I had written to Jazmine’s mom asking for guardianship for practical purposes and she granted my request.  George also informed me:

  • He feels that I “took” his daughter away from him
  • He can’t believe that my mother birthed such a bitch
  • If I wanted a daughter, I should have had one with my husband before he died
  • I deserve to die
  • He hope someones blows my head off
  • He hates me with a passion
  • I am not his sister, I am just his mother’s daughter
  • He doesn’t care that my husband died, he only cares about his daughter

My brother is also irate because I asked him to contribute $100 a month for her upkeep.  I have only asked this because I no longer have my husband’s income to count on.  I didn’t think it was exorbitant considering that we have been taking care of her without his financial assistance for almost a year now.  Not to mention, I recently found out that he has been collecting money from the state for her–even though he does not have Jazmine in his care!!!

I find this amazingly ludicrous that he is upset over losing $100 of some money that he shouldn’t be getting inthe first place!  He is totally unstable in every sense of the word and he THINKS that he is still capable of caring for his daughter!  The love of money is truly the root of all evil.  He is not thinking of Jazmine at all. 

The few times that he has requested her on the weekends she has returned smelly and sick.  The last two times he had her he had no money to buy her Pull up’s (after she used all of the ones I sent) and put her on adult-sized  Depends–kid you not!!!  He last bought her four outfits in August.

I thought I was doing a good deed by taking care of her for him.  Her mom appreciates it, obviously, he does not.  It makes me bewilderingly sad.  I’m so tired of people thinking I want their children when I am only trying to help.

I called my aunt who acts as our surrogate parent since my mother died.  I wanted her advice.  She had already talked to my brother who had called her two days prior lamenting the same woes about me.  She said she she gave him a stern lecture because he was being so ungrateful, inconsiderate, and asinine.  My aunt even compared him to Eliza.  However, she didn’t know about the gun and was very alarmed and angered by his foolishness.  She called him but he would not accept her call.

She told me that perhaps I should hand Jazmine over to him so he could really see what it took to rear a toddler.  She predicted that he would be calling me to pick her up again before too long.  My girlfriend also suggested this.  But I don’t want to put Jazmine in harm’s way.  He does not have her best interest at heart and is only thinking about himself.  He is very short tempered and drinks and drugs as well.  What if he hurts her?

My aunt pointed out that I should not have to deal with these types of threats from my own brother.  I do agree.  I feel like I am being attacked at all angles!!!  I am exhausted by these trials I am experiencing.  A friend suggested that I read the book of Job for hope.  But I’m no Job.  I don’t have his patience nor his amazing strength and faith.   I am not that good and faithful of a servant. 

Tomorrow I am going to write Jazmine’s mom and ask her if she wants Jazmine to be with him until she is released in December.  I don’t think she will because as she has stated many times before “I know how your brother is.”  When I asked for guardianship I proposed that very same idea to her.  She responded by sending me the papers.

I wish my brother could see that I do not want his daughter for my own.  I know she is my niece and I am okay with that.  And even though I don’t think he would really kill me, it’s still unsettling to hear him express the desire to do so.  Maybe I just need to stay away from people and their kids. My “help” always seems to be interpreted as anything but.

 By keeping Jazmine I thought I was “keeping” him.  How wrong was I?

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12 responses »

  1. Morocco,

    I am so sorry you are going thru all this. Obviously, your brother is unstable.

    May God grant you the strength you need to make the best decision for yourself and Jazmine.

  2. I agree, that if he is substance abusing he is not fit to parent.

    When persons are under an influence they can become dangerous. You better look out for Jazmine and yourself. Maybe you need to stay somewhere else for awhile, until things cool down.

    I don’t know what to say. You could write a letter to your brother explaining that you are providing Jasmine with a stable home. You are not taking her away from him. As long as he is under substance abuse he is not fit to take care of her. You are doing this for him as well as Jazmine.

    I feel for you. You don’t need this.

  3. Morocco, please be safe, do whatever you need to do to look out for you and the kids.

    My husband and I were just talking this morning about the fact the just because someone is a sperm donor, doesn’t make them a father.

    I am so sorry there is yet another thing piled on your plate. You are in my prayers.

  4. Joy~

    Thank you. I just don’t know what to think of my brother sometimes. On one hand I feel sorry for him, and the other, I wish he wasn’t kin to me! His behavior is embarrassing and scary.

    Been There~

    Yes, you never know what people will do when they are under the influence that they wouldn’t normally do otherwise. He has no car so he would have to catch a ride to my house! I just hope that no one would be stupid enough to give him a lift.

    He has not made any of these threats directly because he refuses to talk to me. It won’t do any good to try to communicate with him. My brother is such a martyr and would only see things his way. He is incredibly self-centered as well and would be totally offended if anyone suggested that he had an alcohol/drug problem.

    In part I blame my mother for this because she coddled and enabled him to the end. She tried to teach him how to be independent when she realized that her health was failing. However, that’s hard to do with an adult.

    My neighbor (the one who helped shovel) across the street watches out for us, so I’ll have to let him know to call me if he sees my brother lurking around my house.

    I can’t wait for Jazmine’s mom to come home!

  5. Under no circumstances should Jasmine go back to him while he is abusing alcohol and drugs. She would not be safe! Do be careful. Hopefully he is all talk and not action.

    BTW, I just gave you the fabulous blog award over on my blog. Congrats!

  6. Yo~

    I don’t want to involve the police just yet considering he did not threaten me directly. He has not called or came by. I just want him to chill out and leave me alone. If I have to file a restraining order I will do that.

    Kweenmama~

    Yes, I agree. I’m not handing her over so he can forget about it. I’m sure he knows this already. Hopefully he is just selling wolf tickets.

    Thank you! I’ll stop by later.

  7. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know that it seems like one thing after another, but it has to get better and it will. Remember, even though it seems like it, nothing too good or too bad lasts for too long. Stay strong.

  8. There are defiantly rough patches in the road of life. It’s so hard when it is close family like a mother or brother or father or sister. I have had my heart brake for sure with close family. I have no advise. grace for all involved.

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