Letter to Eliza

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*For therapeutic purposes only.

Eliza,

I must say that you never cease to amaze me; but not in an awe-inspiring way.  You are a person without a soul.  You only care for yourself with little regard for the people you maim along the way—including your little ones.  I gave you more credit than you deserved.  I really wanted you to be a decent person underneath your facade of craziness.  I know you had a rough life, but you need to get over it; so has half of America.  And it does not give you permission to treat others so callously.  Neither does it permit you to make bad choices and punish others as a result of your foolishness and mayhem.

You know, I used to think you loved your boys.  Now I’m not so sure.  I believe you love the idea of possessing them more.  They have been your golden tickets for so long that it must really anger you that you can no longer dangle them in my husband’s face.  I have to wonder if they still hold value for you?  You simply refused to share them with him.  You have taken something away from them that can never be replaced.  They will never be able to make up for the time they missed with their father in this lifetime.  Having two loving parents is a right and not a privilege.  You sacrificed your beloved boys to spite us.  I really pity you.  For how will you answer those hard questions that I am sure will be directed your way once the boys see you for what you are?  You can’t.

You did not want us to uproot the seeds of deceit you so carefully and laboriously planted.  But it was our actions that spoke volumes because nothing we ever could have said would have made them think differently.  And in your mind the fact that the boys love me is the worst crime of all.  This is the only reason that you could possibly harbor such unwarranted resentment.  Eliza, did you think because you had them removed from my home that you could remove me from their hearts and minds?

Life for you must be a miserable existence.  Eliza, you are not happy and therefore you want everyone else to suffer in your wake.  You don’t know love, serenity, joy, acceptance, or forgiveness.  Your cup runneth over with hatefulness.  I know you must be tired because being negative requires a lot of energy.  I tried to provide refreshment for your soul.   I offered you sisterhood,  agape love, grace, patience, and kindness.  But because you know nothing of these things, it merely served to heighten your suspicion and animosity.  You thought about what you would have done had the shoe been on the other foot and let your paranoia get the best of you.  Guess what Eliza?  I am not like you nor will I ever be.

You want me to hate you so that you may justify your behavior toward me.  Believe it or not, I pray that God heal your heart because hurting people hurt people. If I had been imprisoned I know you would have delighted in my misfortune.  Your highs come from the lows of others, while my high comes from uplifting the low.  It doesn’t matter that I am now suffering because it wasn’t inflicted by you nor was it by my design.  It seems that you won’t rest until I am broken.

But please know that you cannot break me.  Your words have no sting because they contain no truth.  Eliza you are a sad, lost puppy running around chasing its tail to garner attention.  You are a drooping flower lacking light and nourishment.  I will never belittle myself by sparring with your undeveloped mind.  It is equivalent to trying to reason with an infant.  And actually I don’t have any desire to do so.  I do not want your poisonous essence to envelope me.  I truly hope I never have to encounter you again.  You make me very sad.   All along you have inaccurately labeled me as your worst enemy when in reality, your worst enemy happens to be you.

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8 responses »

  1. Had to play some catch up here on your posts. Perfectly written letter, and I am sure you felt some relief after you wrote it.

    The boys would be talking and asking about you to family members. They may be stating that they want to go back and live with you. This would enrage her, because now with their father gone, she would want you cutoff too.

    Hang in there, you are doing awesome. These people are heartless, and I agree that you should stay as far away from them as possible.

  2. I also had to do some catching up. The letter is very well written. I think that writing letters such as these, or journaling, or blogging can be very therapeutic. There are a couple of people I need to write a “letter” to as well. Good luck with everything!

  3. I felt so much release after writing this! I’ve also accepted the fact that the boys are not with me–but it almost sounds like her family is mad that I got off so “easy.” Else, they would move on with their lives as I am TRYING to do with mine!

  4. I’m glad that writing that helped you to release some of that. It is a very well written letter, and I think it’s a good example of how to get it out.

  5. Morocco, it is so therapeutic to vent. I know this letter was a long time coming, and I’m sure it felt relieving to be able to say how you felt. I’ve written plenty of unmailed letters in my time, several over the last year, and it’s a great release. God bless you sweet girl.

  6. This is a wonderful letter. It almost brought tears to my eyes. I know that it made you feel better. I think I’ll make one of my own to someone I know.

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