Miss Me

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My SIL texted me the other day saying that she had talked to the boys. Morocco, they said they miss u!, she wrote. For a second I felt elated, until I realized that it really doesn’t change much. I won’t be able to see or have a relationship with them anytime soon.  My happiness quickly changed to longing.

It’s almost strange that they admitted to missing me.  I assumed that Eliza would have turned them against me by now. Especially considering that I found out through Jazmine’s mother (in the same prison as Eliza) that she has been “talking crazy” about me.  Her letter began, There are no words to express how I feel knowing that Jazmine has an auntie like you.  This caused me to think that whatever Eliza was saying somehow pertained to her perception of how I treated the boys.  I think this was her way of letting me know that she appreciates what I am doing for her daughter.  It must have been obvious to her that Eliza didn’t appreciate my contributions toward raising her boys. 

Why she has the audacity to be hateful is starting to annoy me. Though honestly I knew that it would always come down to this.  I just wanted it to be different. It’s as if my attempt to get along and be a good stepmom to the boys only served to fuel her fire. I see now that my husband was correct–with her, we could never win for losing. She would always find something about our life and parenting to pick apart no matter what I did for her or them.

When I wrote Jazmine’s mom I told her that I was praying that she would not fall into Eliza’s trap. I also wrote that this was exactly why I never told her about Eliza and vice versa (Ethan must have told her about Jazmine and her mom because I never mentioned that my niece even lived with us). I cautioned her not to feel the need to defend me against anyone’s accusations. I really hope she is able to withstand Eliza’s attack.

I do take comfort in knowing that the boys apparently have been thinking of me. I will keep this knowledge close to use as a band-aid for my bleeding heart.

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4 responses »

  1. Morocco, I have no doubt that you touched the boys lives more than you realize. I really believe that one day, when they are able, they will find you and you will know how much you’ve always meant to them.

    I’m sad that Eliza never realized that you were her friend and not her foe. I have that same issue with my husband’s ex. I will never understand it, except to know that we are just not like them, thank God!

    I know they miss you, I’m sure as much as you miss them. May God hold you all in his hands until you can be together again. Blessings girl…

  2. Of course they are thinking of you- you are one of their parents. I hope that Eliza will let go a little and not try to turn them against you. We can hope and pray for things to be a certain way, but things always turn out however they will. Stay strong and comforted in the knowledge that there is a reason for everything.

  3. I am sure the boys have been thinking about you every day. You were a huge part of their lives. Eliza probably felt like you were a threat to her because you parented her boys in a superior way to her parenting. The boys will always remember how you treated them. They were THERE. It won’t matter what lies Eliza tells.

  4. Children see through people, they seen you, for who you are. You were genuine, true, and honest with them. If anything, you taught them to see what truth & reality looks like. They have experienced another way of life with you, that will never be forgotten. Rest in that, it is good.

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