I Bet She’s Happy

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Call me crazy, but I thought that Eliza would want the boys to stay with me for many reasons, namely because:

  1. They were in a stable environment
  2. They have been through a lot
  3. It is their home
  4. She knew that  I would continue escorting them to visit her
  5. I love them and have their best interests at heart
  6. I have treated her kindly and with respect
  7. I encouraged the kids to continue their relationship with her

So when they were taken from me, needless to say, I was very hurt and devastated.  I felt betrayed in a sense.  Every letter that she wrote in praise/support/encouragement of me must have been false.  She was only hugging me to find the best spot to stab me in the back.

She didn’t even have the courtesy to send her sympathies.

Why would she want them with her unstable siblings?  She and her sister do not have a good relationship and are quite jealous of one another.  In fact, at one visit she confided in me that she actually hates her sister.  Not to mention, her sister barely cares for her own two children.  I don’t see how she would be able to take them to visit Eliza on a regular basis considering that she lives many states away.

And her brother–forget about it!  The kids would be better off being raised by a pack of wolves than him.  That would be like appointing my brother, Jazmine’s father, to raise Nicholas if something happened to me!  This is too scary to even imagine.  Though my brother is my kin, I know emphatically that he would not be the best candidate to raise my son.  I’d much rather him be with a nonrelative than a relative with a lack of morals, human decency, and common sense.

Here’s why I think she would want her family to have them:

  1. She feels that they owe her as both were indirectly involved in her crime
  2. They are “family”
  3. I’m not “family” and she could care less about Nicholas
  4. Her sister will probably accept her collect calls
  5. She doesn’t have to deal with me i.e. via mail or in person, in other words, she won’t have to pretend to like me
  6. She is still nursing a grudge
  7. She never wanted them to have a relationship with me in the first place and does not want them to love me
  8. She doesn’t like to share
  9. She wants her family to keep any “benefits” (social security) in the family
  10. She is willing to sacrifice their wellbeing/happiness in order to punish me
  11. She doesn’t care about my feelings
  12. It’s hard to villify the person caring for your kids
  13. I am a reminder that her first marriage did not work
  14. She detested my husband
  15. She detests me

It seems that things have worked in her favor.  Eliza would have to know that my heart is broken into a million little pieces which I’m sure the very thought fills her with joy.  She does not have to fight for custody of the boys after she is released.  Nor does she have to pay the court-ordered child support that has been accumulating since her incarceration.  Finally she will have the kids all to herself!

I know I have to let it go because it is out of my control–something easier said than done.  I’m really having a hard time with everything.  However, I had the feeling last night that I should pray for them, Eliza and her siblings. You are supposed to pray for the people who persecute you. 

And I will continue to pray that God will protect Ethan and Evan from any harm.

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18 responses »

  1. For Eliza to have wanted the boys to stay with you- she would have to be a selfless, caring person who can put others needs before her own wants. In other words, a true parent. She’s shown that those concepts are hard for her. She never learned to share and everything seems to revolve around her.

    You’re such a good person that you always want to do what’s right and that’s why you would do what’s best for your children no matter how hard it might be. I’m so sorry for what you’re going thru.

    God be with you

  2. Not knowing Eliza’s family, but reading what you have written about them, my heart just breaks for the boys. Their world must be turned upside down. I can’t even begin to imagine what life must be like for them. You heart must be so heavy for the loss of your husband and for the pain the boys must be in.

    You are right to pray for them. But even so……God gives people free will and unfortunately those with ill-intent can yield their reign of terror on the most innocent.

    God’s blessing and comfort on you and your household. I wish I could reach out and hug you. Take care of YOU and perhaps find therapy for your many layers of grief…..as you have been through so much! Hugs to you!

  3. This is so hard. Eliza has been shown to be selfish and this act is no exception. We will also continue praying for all of you. I have your family on our churches prayer chain. There is power in prayer.

  4. Amy~

    So true, and I guess I can’t really be shocked that she wouldn’t want them with me. But still, I guess I believed that she would want what was best for her sons.

    Kelly~

    Right about now my heart feels like a 50 pound stone, so thanks for the “cyberhug”!

    JAG~

    Yes, I heartily concur, there is power in prayer! Thank you, I really appreciate being prayed for!

  5. You are probably right about eliza’s reasons. She’ll want easy access to the boys as soon as she gets her chance, and won’t want to have to go through you anymore.
    It’s a tough road, being a stepmom. And you got an even tougher situation. But it seems like you are doing your best, and that’s all anyone can do. I’m thinking about you and the boys too.

  6. Dragonflymama~

    Absolutely it is! But I have learned so much being a stepmom. It was a long, strange trip my friend, but one I wouldn’t trade! I had an amazing time with my husband–which is the most precious thing in the end.

    The worst part of being in a blended family is that you have practically no legal rights or blood ties to the kids whom most of us stepmoms and dads grow to love. And it really is painfully apparent in a situation such as mine or with divorce.

  7. I’m curious to see what is transpiring between Eliza and her sister if she “hates” her so much. Perhaps it is even more of a punishment to Eliza now that she has to communicate with her sister that she “hates” instead of the civil pretend niceness she had with you.

    Either way, I hope that the boys are doing well. And I know that you’ll find a way to deal with all this. It evolves into a more manageable event as you learn and grow along with it. You know? Take Care!

  8. Morocco, you have taught me to pray for the ex. I am so saddened that her heart is so cold and she is so soul-less to take her sons from the only real stable family they’ve ever known. I’m sure that none of us will ever understand because we’re not like that and thank God for that, but it’s so sad for those innocent kids and your precious heart. I know that my husband’s ex would be the exact same way. I don’t understand why they see us as their enemy when we are anything but. I will continue to pray for the entire situation and your sweet broken heart, my dear girl. You are loved!

  9. I’m sure she is estatic right now, she can’t see through her selfishness to see what she really needs to see, what is best for the boys. This will bite her in the bite and she will regret this decision.

    I hope the boys are fine and will come back to you when they are free from her family and their influence.

  10. I think Eliza feels very threatened by you, as you have replaced her “mom” position. Due to this, the boys got to experience a very positive functional mother. Those experience’s will stay with them, they got to live them. With you out of the way she doesn’t have to worry about being replaced by you. This way she is the only Mother,and that is exactly the way she wants it. Eliza is going to suffer some turmoil with the boys, as they have been with you to long, to be snatched away like that.

  11. Yo! Thanks!

    Been There~

    You are correct, that’s been here number one issue with me and she has pretty much said it in so many ways.

    I’m glad you ladies are here to help me work it out so that I can let it go! Thanks a ton!

  12. Sweet Woman,

    King Solomon and the Bible… Amy is so spot on. She is not a true mother. She doesn’t understand stability and can’t see its value. There are many reasons someone does this, and I think you’re right about her reasons. I would also say ignorance and lack of love. Imagine that you felt no one loved you and you saw someone give it freely to your children each week. Jealous, petty, immature, and not ready to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.

    Your hurt is so palatable through the pages. I only hope that you can find a way to continue being in the boys’ lives so that they understand they weren’t abandoned.

    I continue to send you positive vibes for what’s right to come to pass. For one so young, you are truly an inspiration.

    With much love.
    Suzanne

  13. Morocco,

    I saw this quote and thought of you. “Love cures people –both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.” — Dr. Karl Menninger

    Suzanne

  14. Suzanne~

    Thank you so much for stopping by and offering your support! Yes, I am very hurt. I really find it very hard to understand people like Eliza. I have been praying a lot–for Eliza, her brother and sister, myself, and my boys. I, too hope something happens to help ease my sorrowed heart.

    She and her family are control freaks and wouldn’t dare permit the likes of me to communicate or interact with the boys. On Thursday I received a series of texts from her brother wondering what I was doing as well as saying he would like to take me out to dinner! He never ceases to amaze me with his abundant arrogance. I can’t imagine why he would think that I would want to be involved with him on any level! I texted back inquiring about the kids in which he responded that they live in another state with his sister. That was the end of his texting. I want to get my phone number changed, but if I do that, then the boys won’t be able to call us if by some miracle they allowed them to do so. But I think Eliza knows that I desire it too much and wants to continue twisting the knife.

    Eliza has been looking for ways to rid my husband and I from their lives since the inception of our union and through his death, it’s finally possible.

    I am trying to keep my mind focused and relaxed. I also have been keeping it very close to my heart that God is close to the brokenhearted, so I know that he has to be right here with me!

    Love and blessings,

    Morocco

  15. You are an inspiration to many, Morrocco. What an example you are to the rest of us on how to treat those who injure us. God does hear prayers, and with all of us that are praying for those boys, He WILL watch over them. And he will continue to strengthen you as you go through this tough time.

  16. I’d keep an eye out on myspace and facebook in the future – many 11-15 year olds have them and it would be a way to keep in touch w/out going through the family. This is just so sad.

  17. Cassee~

    Good idea! I know that their aunt’s daughter whom they are staying with has one. But I would probably just have to read it because I’m not sure they would allow me to have contact with the boys if it is not initiated by them. Sadly, the adults in the situation want to be in control of everything.

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