Left Behind


I feel like we have been abandoned, me, Nicholas, and Jazmine that is. 

The very same day of my husband’s death from a heart attack, Eliza’s brother came knocking.  I saw him approaching the walkway and became anxious.  His arrival portended evil.   He was his usual pompus, surly self.  Luckily my aunt and cousin were home with us so I didn’t have to face him alone. 

When my aunt answered the door he demanded to speak with me.  She informed him that I was not feeling up to seeing any visitors so he asked to speak to my husband.  She told him that my husband was not available.  He then asked if he had passed–not your logical follow-up question.  My aunt acknowledged that he did in which he replied, “When he die, a month ago? Did he committ suicide?” 

I was stung by his indecency and began screaming and crying for him to leave.   He yelled that Ethan was his blood and that he carried his last name (he doesn’t).  My cousin ushered him away from the door.  I grabbed the phone and called the police.  I wanted him away from our house ASAP.

When the police arrived he stood outside attempting to manipulate them into believing that he was only there to console his nephew.  He claimed he had no idea that my husband had died.  Two big, burly guys joined his side.  The police  didn’t buy his story especially after eyeing his bouncers and wrote up a trespassing report.  They also put extra patrol in our neighborhood.  The rest of the night him and his sister called without ceasing.  She left many ridiculous messages stating that she only wanted her nephew because I was not “family.”  Wow and ouch was all I could think.  Just a stepmom…

I also received calls from Eliza’s aunt and cousin, who both said that they felt the boys rightfully belonged with me as did the rest of their family.  I asked why the aunt and uncle were behaving like vultures.  Her cousin replied that they probably wanted the money that the boys would draw from his death.  This thought never occurred to me.  The aunt also felt that they were probably carrying out Eliza’s wishes–another troubling thought.  How could Eliza not know how well I cared for the boys?

Monday morning I called the court and informed them of our situation.  The clerk expressed her sympathy and told me that she would do all she could to help keep the kids with me.  She felt that the judge would not want to move them anyhow.  The clerk also told  me to quickly file a document with my intentions.  I had an appointment with the funeral home so I figured I had time to go on Tuesday.  How wrong was I!

Later that evening I got a call from the residential facility saying that  Evan’s aunt and uncle were on their way to discharge him from the hospital.  According to the director, they had valid court papers.  They had went to a probate court judge and was issued an emergency order.  I was dumbfounded, especially considering that our particular case was only to be heard by one judge because he was so familiar with it.  When I broke the news to Evan on Sunday, he was so broken that it was obvious that he was in no condition to leave at such a crucial time.  Evan had asked me to take him home immediatedly, but I was able to convince him to wait until they adjusted his medicine.  I promised that I would pick him up in two weeks.

I called their uncle and pleaded with him not to take him out because he was not at all stable.  He finally relented.  A few hours later he called so that Evan could speak to Ethan.  He lied and had discharged him despite my pleadings!  He then demanded that I hand over his other nephew at almost 12am.  Again, I begged him to wait for a decent hour.  He hung up on me.  A few hours later I heard a lot of banging on the door and saw bright lights  shining into the house.  I became very afraid and called the police.  The operator checked to see if it was the police and determined that it was.

When I opened the door I recognized one of the officers who had been to our house frequently for runs regarding Eliza.  He greeted me and showed me the paperwork.  He seemed bothered that he had to do this particular task.  I had Ethan come out of his bedroom and he looked very scared.  They walked  him down to his new guardians.

I considered fighting them in court, but decided against it.  The probate judge who issued the order died two days after signing the paperwork.  I have been threatened so much that my family and I determined that for our safety I should not.   Their uncle told my SIL that bad things would happen to me if I tried to fight for the kids.   And I know that my husband would not want me living under such fear and pressure. 

It was and still is a difficult decision that I have yet to come to terms with.  I really wanted them here with us.

Two days after the funeral their uncle had the nerve to call and offer his condolences because he said he “liked me!” Once again I became undone as I heatedly inquired why the boys were not allowed to attend their father’s service.  He offered a few lame excuses and I hung up midway through his glib speech.

I have not heard from the boys or  Eliza.  I suspect that they may be in another state with their aunt.   

It’s been a long, hard, mournful month.  Jazmine constantly asks about my husband.  Nicholas has kept pretty quiet.  I don’t think any of us understand, but I do know that we sorely and surely miss all three.

20 responses »

  1. I can’t even begin to imagine what you and all the children are going through, and I don’t even know what words to say except that I’ll continue to keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. I can’t offer much but that I’ll be here to listen and offer whatever support I can. Take Care.

  2. Oh, Morocco. Again, I am so sorry that you have lost so much. Thank you for sharing with us, I can’t even begin to imagine the difficulty and pain that you’re dealing with. I, like Crys, have no words, but many, many prayers, dear girl.

  3. How devastating for everyone. So many lives affected by the sheer stupidity of others. Eliza’s brother is nutso, you need to stay as far away from the loony toons as possible. How unfortunate the boys missed their father’s service. What a bunch of heartless lugs. You have suffered a huge loss, and I cannot imagine the emotional rollercoaster you are on. My heart goes out to you at this time, my prayers and thoughs are with you.

  4. That is so horrible, I had to hold back the tears as I read your post. Those people are so heartless, at a time when you and the boys need each other the most they pull you apart.

    I am so sorry for you, Nicholas and Jazmine’s lose of the 3 of them and for those boys who need you right now.

  5. I am so sorry to read this. My heart just ached as soon as I began to read your words. I know there are no words I can type that can bring closure or comfort. Please know I am praying for you and your family…those boys are as much a part of your heart as any ‘blood’ child could be.

  6. i am so sorry it’s all come to this. i’m so sorry you have to deal with eliza’s family tearing yours apart. i’m so sorry you have to go through all of this while grieving for your husband. things will settle down.

    sending you good vibes and thoughts of peace. thank you for sharing with us.

  7. I can’t even begin to comprehend. I am so sorry you’ve been placed in the position you’re in and that you’ve had to endure this. I pray you are given the peace you need.

  8. I am so very sorry for your continued loss. While this is horrific, I trust that your good will, good deeds, and great parenting will lead your children back to you. Blood is NOT thicker than water. Our bonds are forged with those who love and support us. Please know that I will continue sending many good vibes your way. I wish you peace as you navigate this difficult time. May you find solice in your faith, with your friends, and your family.

  9. Wow, I am speechless…. that whole family sounds truly unbalanced and insane. I am so sorry for your losses, all of them. This has got to be immensely difficult for you. You have amazing strength & character. You are an inspiration. I ssupect the boys will be in touch with you before too long… Shine on.

  10. I was afraid something like this was happening. I’m so sorry Morocco. It just doesn’t seem fair to have gone all through everything that you have done and have this happen. Sometimes it is very hard to understand and make sense of things. Know that while the boys were with you, you instilled some very important lessons into those children. Hopefully lessons that will last.

    I agree with you that your husband wouldn’t want you living in fear. Continued prayers for you to feel the love and peace that you need (the kids too.)

  11. You are an amazing, amazing, amazing woman to be going through this. And brave. Incredibly brave. And you are NOT JUST a stepmom… you are still those boys parent, no matter where they live or what they are going through. My heart goes out to you.

  12. I appreciate the comments and encouragement because I really feel as if I have lost my mind! It really shocked me how rapidly the family came at me. I also heard that I was painted as the “evil” stepmother. Honestly I didn’t have the time to be insulted. And oddly, not once during the two years the boys were with us did they ever bother to inquire about them or visit with them. Who would want to raise kids simply for a social security check? I guess people like that do exist but it is really hard for me to imagine. They don’t care anything about how any of us feel. It doesn’t matter that my very soul is crushed.

    I hate the way they ripped the boys from a stable environement without a second thought as to how detrimental it would be for them. They have been uprooted far too many times. Their mother is in prison and their father is dead–isn’t that enough trauma? I never thought twice about keeping them with me, although I knew it would require much work. I just truly hope with all my being that Ethan and Evan will survive the madness of it all.

    I have yet to find the energy to store away their things. I guess I am hoping with some twist of fate, they will return to me, unless it just wasn’t meant to be.

  13. Morocco,

    The mere fact that you even want to keep the boys with you, despite Eliza’s family’s actions, speaks volumes about the value of a stepmother and the genuine love that stepmother offers to her stepchildren. You are an incredible individual. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.

    Diane and I recently discovered that you reside in our city. Please don’t hesitate to let us know if you need ANYTHING; whether it’s a good meal (I know that most don’t feel like eating, let alone cooking during this time) or a shoulder to cry on. We are here if you need either of us.

    Grace and Peace,


  14. Welcome back Morocco, After reading this post, and understanding just how full of himself and disrespectful (Uncle) was by coming to your home and trying to force his will on you and your family that sad day, I am filled with much anger. Uncle had to know before he got there how his appearance there would affect you. He is a weak man, which is why he felt the need to bring his (bouncer) buddies with him to confront a woman. I wish I had been there when he showed up acting like the tough guy that he (isn’t). He would have needed both of his bouncer buds and then some. You took on that fight against that (strange) family, and did all you did for the boys because of your (LOVE) for your husband. Now that he has moved on to the next (higher) level, I don’t think he would want you to continue that stressful struggle that came with doing what is right for the boys. He would want you to rest and find peace and start a new journey into the next chapter of your life. ” They always say, be careful of what you wish for, because you may get it.”  I think once the Uncle and family see and understand how much work it takes to do what is right for the boys, they will have second thoughts on rushing in to (save) what didn’t need saving in the first place. and probably will be calling to see if you want the boys back.  Morocco, one step at a time, one day at a time, you will get through this period of your life. Always know, ” that even though you may feel alone in all this”  ” on so many levels, you are not.”  I and we are here for you when you needed.Oldfriend

  15. I can’t believe they would add more stress to the boys – what they needed was their normal life not losing their father and then losing their family and why a Judge would allow this I will never understand.

  16. Ladies, I just have to hope and believe that some good will come out of this experience. Any other thoughts are just too hard to bear!!! After winter, must come spring, eh?

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