I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a long time and here goes it. Today I would like to spend some time examining the growing phenomenon of the so-called “bitter” stepmom. I’ve been seeing this term on many blogs lately.
My general opinion is that we all have the right to blog about our feelings and perspectives. I don’t recall WordPress excluding certain emotions. Furthermore, I find it odd and hypocritical when other stepmom bloggers write about “bitter” stepmoms who judge the exwife in their life. They state that it is not right/healthy for them to do so. But isn’t that a form of judging in itself?
I am thankful that God gave us such a wide range of emotions. It is okay to be bitter just as it is okay to be joyful, fearful or envious. Personally speaking, I am bitter about my stepmom situation from time to time. And to quote Kela, so what? Does that make me a “bad” stepmom? I embrace all of my feelings–the good, the bad, and the ugly. I learn from them all.
If all stepmom blogs were alike–would we grow or glean any wisdom from reading them? It takes all kind. Bitter or not, we are all stepmoms. Some “bitter” stepmoms might be annoyed by the “Pollymamas.” Everything isn’t always good and that’s keeping it real.
On this long, strange trip with Eliza, I have grown from blogging. I am able to learn from many of the blogs that I follow. I reflect on the comments. Blogging helps me see things from more than one angle. Even if it is a “bitter” blog, I try to take something away from it or I simply stop reading it. I don’t feel that I have the right to dictate feelings or thoughts.
Also, it is easy to label other stepmoms as bitter when you have a good/civil/friendly relationship with the exwife. Trust me, I know. If you read through my earlier posts I was much more forgiving/tolerant/peaceful about Eliza. Now that the tide has turned, I have to work extra hard not to be bitter/cynical/petty/judgemental/whiny/mean/spiteful–pick one. This is my challenge and I love it!
I am able to celebrate the stepmoms who have a working/great relationship with the exwife just as I am able to commiserate with the stepmoms who don’t have this luxury.
Rhonda and I always joke about how we would handle a negative comment. But because we feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion, we would post the remark and simply say “thank you for comment,” and leave it at that. We decided if the commenter refuses to let the issue go; we would kindly delete those comments.
I however, I have chosen not to leave negative/judgemental comments to put any blogger in their “place.” My opinion is no more valid than any one else’s. If I can’t say something supportive or provocative in a considerate way, then I say nothing at all. I blog primarily for my own self—not to “check” or chastise others. I don’t have the time or desire for that. I like to think we are all in this together.
Besides, we are all in unique predicaments. I don’t know any of my online friends intimately–other than what I read. It seems that we judge each other far more harsher than the exwives themselves!
I blog for peace, growth, healing, fun, relaxation, pleasure, and yes, venting. Remember, if you don’t like the contents of any particular blog, you do not have to read/continue reading it. It’s just that simple. Full Moon welcomes stepmoms of all kind–bitter, happy, angry, frustrated, jealous, evil (hehe)–do you catch my drift? You may come as you are.
This leads me to the title of my post, Channeling Hannah, in reference to Nobody’s Perfect. That includes me and you, dear reader. Just know…
My intentions are good
Sometimes just misunderstood
I gotta work it!
Again and again ’til I get it right
You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes…
And this blog is me working it!