I have come to find that it is always good to have balance in most if not all situations. Living in a blended family setting definitely requires this.
Rarely does a day pass that I don’t try to come up with solutions for our stepfamily issues. I read books, blog, do research, and attempt to form bridges where they need to be. Thankfully I have Rhonda and Stacy to bounce ideas off of. My goal is to truly find blended family equilibrium.
In order to have proper balance all of the adults involved must meet in the middle. But somtimes it is confusing as to where that middle ground is located. Each person has a different sense of direction. When I look through the eyes of the children, I can see much more clearly. It’s like having a blended family GPS device–it tells me exactly where to go.
I’ve decided that I don’t want to accumulate points at their expense. Plus, I’d rather have peace than points. I’m not keeping score but I know that she is. I’m busy waving the white flag with one hand and extending the olive branch with the other.
I find that being contemplative about situations that arise is the best way to go. I now understand that most of Eliza’s issues are really not about me; they are rooted in her own insecurities, habits, emotions, hurts, and perceptions. She only projects them onto me. Understanding this allows me to view her more compassionately. Sometimes you have to read between the lines. I am not always successful, but I try.
Case in point: When Eliza wrote to the judge, we chose to reply and address her concerns in a factual manner. Though tempting, we refrained from using any emotion and simply addressed the issues she had. I didn’t want to use words to attack her because I knew it would have added to the continued pattern of miscommunication, animosity, and stress.
I have to believe that even if she chooses not to operate in this manner that she will eventually upon seeing it modeled by us. The drama simply gets old after awhile.