The Visitor

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Kierra has been really moody lately.  When she is in one of her moods I remove myself from the scene and find something else to do.  The other day she started complaining about her stomach hurting.  Right then and there the AHA light came on and I told her that she probably would be starting her cycle soon.   Sure enough the very next day The Visitor arrived.  My husband and I were cheesing at her the whole day.

We were at the salon when The Visitor first appeared.  I could not leave my clients to take her home to get cleaned up.  So I asked Kierra if she had talked to her mom she could come and get her.  Kierra had tried calling her earlier in the day but she was not answering the phone.  When we couldn’t reach BM I got busy calling around to see if someone could pick her up.  I finally reached my grandmother and she came to take Kierra home.  In the meantime BM called Kierra back and Kierra told her what was going on.

BM is now pissed off because she was not “available” to be there when The Visitor arrived.  She is not talking to Kierra, only having her oldest daughter relay messages back and forth between the two of them.  She was even upset that Kierra did not go to her house.  She told Kierra that our house was further away from the salon than hers.  Then she suggested that she bring Kierra some things to the salon.  Kierra wanted to go home to get cleaned up.  I felt so sorry for Kierra.  Here she is reaching womanhood and her mom is pissed because she was not there when it happened.  I understand the BM being upset because she wasn’t present when The Visitor came, but my goodness.  NO ONE can control mother nature.  She would not speak to Kierra the rest of the day.

When I was finished at the salon, I took Kierra to Walmart to get her some things.  She asked a lot of questions.  We talked all through the store and she was happy I was there for her.  I asked if she wanted to go see her mom for awhile.  Kierra said that her mom was not speaking to her and she didn’t care if she did or not.

Later Kierra went to a party at her friend’s house.  She seemed to be in good spirits given the circumstances.  She said that her mom had her sister call to see if my husband was taking Kierra to register for school the next day.  She still would not talk to Kierra.

The next morning her mom called to talk to her about cramps and to tell her that registration was from 2-4pm.  I figured that her mom would keep Kierra for a while after registration to spend some time with her.  NOT!  After registration Kierra was back at home with us.  I asked Kierra if she talked to her mom and she said that they only talked about school.  UNBELIEVABLE!!!  Like I said before no one can control mother nature.  Not even the BM!!!

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7 responses »

  1. That’s so sad, poor Kierra. That’s such a special time, I remember when it happened to my step-daughter. It happened over her summer visit with us and we tried to make it into a very positive first experience for her. I don’t understand why some of these women can’t grow up and put their children first!

  2. I know, right? I just thought back to when I started my cycle. My mom made a big production of the whole thing. She took me shopping buying every type of pad in the store. Not to mention a million pairs of underwear. Of course let’s not forget the thousands of phone calls she made to relatives and friends, that I had stepped into womanhood at the early age of 11! I was a tomb-boy back then and all I wanted to do was to go back outside and play.
    Since BM was not available for Kierra I did the exact same for her as my mom did for me. The difference, Kierra is a girlie girl and didn’t mind one bit.

  3. It is amazing to me that we hold people to such uncontrollable expectations. I know that I have probably done it at some point in my life, but this is such an obvious one. Poor Kierra! I remember my mom was on her honeymoon with my new stepdad when I got mine. I was spending the week with my aunt. I wouldn’t tell her what happened. I threw a fit until she finally called my mom.

    The worst part here is that she punished Kierra emotionally.

  4. Poor Kierra. This is an important step in her life. I’m glad you were there to help her through this and to kind of ease the transition a little for her.
    I can’t imagine not being there for my daughter when she came on. We had already been talking about it because I figured she start around the time I did, a short time before my 12th birthday. And she did, about 2 weeks before.
    She was a little nervous but it wasn’t too bad because of all our conversations about it and about what to do if she wasn’t at home when it happened.
    Kierra’s my girl and I really feel bad that her mother wasn’t more supportive and treated Kierra the way she did.

  5. I realize this is way after the fact, but I have been pondering this issue with my SD lately, and it’s good to read your experience. It is GREAT that you were there for Kierra for this big event. Especially when her mom refused to be. Sounds like you did the right thing! thanks for writing this.

  6. Dragonflymama

    I read your post and tried to leave a comment but was unable to do so. Hopefully you’ll check this…

    I believe if Buttercup wants you at her party you guys should go and enjoy yourselves. I know first hand how uncomfortable and awkward this can be for you. We do not get along with Christine (Kierra’s mom). No matter how we feel we will always attend her functions because that’s what Kierra wants. As long as Buttercup is happy is all that matters.

    The coming of age situation is tricky. I had to have that talk with Kierra because Christine thought she was too young. Kierra was at my house when she started and I refused to let her think she was bleeding to death. When Kierra asked me I told her she should talk to her mom. When mom didn’t, I did. I guess it depends on the situation. I do feel that the talk should be between mother and daughter. However, I think nothing is wrong with talking to Buttercup if she asks for your insight.

    I hope this helps, I know how you feel about overstepping your bounds. That’s why I told Kierra to talk to her mom first. There will be a time when she is at your home while she is on her cycle and I see nothing wrong being there for her when she needs you.

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