Mother’s Day will be different for me this year. It will be my first Mother’s Day as a motherless daughter. As of February 8, 2008, I have no mother to acknowledge and celebrate. Hallmark will not let me forget this fact either. I automatically dodge the card aisle upon entering any store. A short while ago I remember seeing the displays much to my surprise. I had forgotten that May was the month reserved for mothers. And it’s not that I place much stock in this commercialized, contrived holiday, because for me, every day was mother’s day. I always looked at this day as a brilliant marketing strategy on behalf of greeting card companies and floral shops worldwide. But nevertheless, it was nice to actually have a mother on this day.
Losing a mother makes one introspective and sensitive. So much in fact that it has propelled me to examine this day from all angles—from Eliza’s to Ethan and Evan’s.
A simple expression of Happy Mother’s Day from Ethan and Evan has always sufficed for me because while I am not their mother, I a mother. I never expected anything more than this, not even a card. But this was even hard for them to do. Last year on our first Mother’s Day together, my husband inquired if they had told me, and they admitted that they had not. They “forgot.” My feelings were hurt slightly but I quickly recovered. As always, our son Nicholas was there to celebrate me with his beautifully handcrafted AND store bought cards, poems, and frequent reminders throughout the day of what a great mom I was. One day while at Wal-Greens’s he had even selected the aforementioned card without my assistance and casually asked me to pay for it!
But this year…I think I understand how they were feeling. It too was their first Mother’s Day without Eliza. They probably just wanted to spend this day in the company of their own mom expressing the sentiment to her; just as I would like to do with my own. No ommy, substitute mommy, guest mom, or second mom will do. I want my mommy. As children I can only imagine how they feel; and Eliza, too.
So this year on Mother’s Day, I will be working on a scrapbook in memory of my mother. We have already started making some things for Eliza. While Ethan, Evan, or I can’t be with our moms in the physical sense, we can at least be with them in spirit. Happy Mother’s Day to all!