A Heavy Heart


Yesterday I posted about Kierra’s doctor’s appointment and I wanted to provide an update.  She has to have surgery in two weeks.  She put on a happy face, being strong for her parents, all of us.  I have not had a chance to talk to her one on one yet; but I’m sure she is probably nervous about having this procedure done.

             Things pretty much went the way I assumed.  BM came in and didn’t speak or acknowledge our presence.  She sat on the opposite side of the waiting area.  As we waited for Kierra’s name to be called, Kierra and I shared a chair.  We talked quietly with my husband.  We also listened to some music on her I Pod. 

Finally Kierra’s name was called and and her and her mom went back.  About 15 minutes later, BM came out and called my husband’s name so we both went to talk to the doctor.  BM and Husband asked questions as I listened.  They agreed on the date for the surgery.  My husband and I left out to give Kierra some privacy to get dressed.

I had a chance to ask the doctor a few questions while waiting on Kierra and BM to come out.  When BM and Kierra did come out the nurse handed BM the necessary instructions and we all walked out together.  Kierra walked with us to the elevator and we all rode down to the first floor.  None of the adults spoke to each other.  Kierra did most of the talking.  We said our goodbyes (to Kierra) and gave her big hug.  The whole scene was very awkward.

Kierra has a lot to process right now.  She has been through so much dealing with her parents not getting along.  I feel as if this would be the perfect time for everyone involved to pull together for her benefit.  I know that is not going to happen.  My husband doesn’t feel the need to talk to BM (I can’t say that I blame him) because of all the problems she has caused.  And BM surely has her own agenda.  If something does not benefit her, she could care less.  That’s how I see it.  I was an emotional wreck last night.  Somehow I feel stuck in the middle, wanting to say something, but knowing I cannot.  I’m giving this situation over to God.  I cannot do this alone.


3 responses »

  1. Hello Rhonda, I understand how you feel in dealing with the more than one type of stress in this situation with Kierra’s health. The stress between BM and your husband, the stress between BM and you, plus the stress of having to have any procedure dealing with the heart has to be affecting Kierra. Working in the health field as I do, I see day in and out how stress can make even the strongest body weaker. Kierra doesn’t need to be feeling (any) stress right now. I agree with you that this would be the perfect time for the adults to pull together and provide a united front for Kierra to pull from. From now until her surgery, Kierra needs to be exposed to positive emotions from the people she loves and who loves her. If BM does not want to be a part of this, then so be it, I’m sure you and your husaband are willing to give Kierra all the love and positve thoughts she will need to have during this time of healing. Hopefully BM realizes this also and is willing to put the emotional fighting with your husband aside at least until Kierra is feeling 100% again. Rhonda, you are right to put this situation and all others in Gods hands, because when you have him in your life….. You are never alone….

  2. Oldfriend,

    I always look forward to your insight.
    I let go and put our situation in God’s hands. It is now up to Him to decide what is the best relationship for all of us. I have felt so much better since.

  3. Hello Rhonda,

    Thank you for your comment about my (insight). I first came to the OmmyDiaries site because I was curious, I keep coming back now because I feel connected. Yourself and Morocco open up your souls and share your feelings about raising children that are not your own bio children and the situations that you deal with in doing that. Myself, being a man, a (younger )grandfather, and a person of color can also relate to how it feels to help raise children( grandchildren) who are not my own . You talked about how Kierra is having surgery dealing with her heart very soon. I hope you will provide myself and your other readers updates about how the procedure went, we would like to know….

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