Whose Idea is it Anyway?


            A couple of weeks ago one of my girlfriends sent me an e-mail about an

upcoming event for young girls in our city.  I read over it and thought that

Kierra would benefit from attending this event.  The event falls on BM’s

weekend.  So I forwarded the e-mail to BM stating that I thought it would be

a great opportuntiy for Kierra.  I also offered to pay for the registration fees

and asked her to get back with me to let me know what she thouhgt.  BM

 never responded.

          Last weekend there was an event like the one I mentioned before for

women.  Kierra had called my husband to come over.  BM was going to this

event and wanted Kierra to go with her.  Kierra did not want to go but BM

insisted.  Kierra knew about the event for the girls and wanted to go with

my girlfirend’s daughter.  Normally we do not ask or make suggestions for

Kierra when she is with her mom.  We all have been working on Kierra’s

attitude.  She has reached teenage status and for the most part a pretty 

good kid.  Kierra has some self-esteem issues, mainly because she is small

and not as developed as most of her friends.  This event is designed to boost

the self-esteem of young ladies.  I understand that this event takes place on 

BM’s weekend and that she may have had plans for Kierra, but she could 

have been courteous enough to acknowledge the email.  BM just ignored my

email altogether.

          I guess I should not have been so surprised.  Over the years this has

happened quite a bit.  I’ll have a conversation with Kierra about taking her

somewhere and through her excitement she may mention what I planned 

to do with her.  Shortly thereafter BM would have taken her before I could 

ever get the chance.  Or I might make a suggestion and BM would come up 

with an absurd reason why Kierra could not participate.  Then three 

months later she “comes up” with this bright idea, the same one that I had

mentioned to her before.  It’s really nerve wracking.

          How many of you have seen the movie Stepmom?  Do you recall the

scene where Isabel (Julia Roberts) asked Jackie, BM (Susan Sarandon) if she

could take Anna (SD) to a concert on a school night?  Jackie belittled Isabel

for even suggesting such a thing.  On the evening of the concert, Isabel

dropped the kids off only to learn that Jackie was taking Anna to the same

concert.  Then she laughed in Isabel’s face and thanked her for the idea. 

HOW RUDE!!!  Isabel was on the verge of tears.  I have felt this way far too

many times when BM has done the same to me.


3 responses »

  1. The first year Husband and I were married, I convinced him to call BM and communicate about Christmas presents. We had purchased an expensive “Santa” present for Stepsons and wanted to make sure that she knew what it was so she didn’t buy the same thing.

    I was so naive.

    We called Stepsons on Christmas Day to say hello. They were super-excited because Santa had brought them this really cool gift……guess what it was? That’s right. The exact present that we had purchased for them but they hadn’t gotten at our house yet.

    I cried my eyes out. How evil do you have to be?

    It is so hard to build a relationship with someone who would do something like that. You can say whatever you want about how hard it is to be a divorced mom—it is no excuse for doing cruel things.

    I feel your pain……

  2. Hello Rhonda,

    Like Morocco, you too are a very special person. To be willing to be a part of the growth of a child who is not your birth child really takes a special person with a (big) heart. Rhonda, unlike your other readers I am a man, but I know and understand the challenges of raising children that are not your own.
    Rhonda, it sounds to me that it is BM that has self esteem issues. She shows this by trying to show (you) that she is in (control) of the things that would make Kierra happy. BM thinks she is showing strength by not responding to your e-mails, when in fact, she is actually showing her own weaknesses. BM tries to block the fun that Kierra would have doing projects with you and your husband by stealing your ideas and using them herself before you can. It’s a shame, but BM will always be this way because it makes her strong and in control, which she must need to feel. The good thing is that it sounds like Kierra is at the age that she recognizes all the good things you do and try to do for her. (which is why she likes spending so much time at your home) Rhonda, BM is like a (speed bump), she may slow you down, but she can’t stop you in your efforts with Kierra…… Keep doing what you do because you seem to be doing it well….. (smile)

  3. Mrs. H and Oldfriend, thank you for commenting on my post!
    I want to learn how not to let her pettiness bother me and prevent me from being the kind person that I am. I know you both understand this can be very hard at times.
    Old friend, you summed it up perfectly.

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